Showing posts with label ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ideas. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 28, 2019
Without using the letter 'E' - Revisited
Disclaimer: I attempted to write this post back in 2010. I thought I didn't use any E's but alas a fellow blogger found 3 of them. I tinkered around with it again and believe the rest of this post does not contain the letter E. I had to use a thesaurus to find other words. The post is a bit odd and you may find it difficult to make sense of it, that is okay. Maybe read it over twice to make sure there are no E's. A few things have changed since the original post. I have a son now but his name is Ryan. I do own blu-ray players and movies.My wife also got me Darkwing Duck DVD's for Christmas one year. This will all make sense soon. Without further ado....
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I thought about writing this post on many occasions. It is difficult to brainstorm an original thought without applying that unambiguous symbol. Try it right now, think of any formation of words without that symbol. Hard, right? Now, think how hard it would occur to construct a thorough and continuous post without that symbol. I was having author's block during my brainstorming about this post. It should contain humor, random thoughts, originality, thought provoking topic, a post to talk about at an H20 apparatus and damn right phantasmagorical. I am thinking about what to concoct as I push all sorts of symbols on this plastic pad of random marks and symbols.
How about a quick nostalgic analysis?
DARKWING DUCK
I had a fancy for Darkwing Duck . That cartoon IS kick-ass. It's first affair was back in that 9th month of 1991. It ran for four minus uno occasions, from '91 to '93. Go on you know you want to sing that Darkwing song. Put your arm up high if you would want Launchpad McQuack as your trusty crony. I spot with my orbitals that most of you do. I am going to call my first son Lauchpad. What a fantastic monogram. My son would automatically turn into a pilot with that tag. I want a job as Darkwing Duck. That duck has loads of fun. I wish to own DVD's of that cartoon. My b-day is July 14th if anybody is blurry on what to buy P-Toast Man. I am not on a blu-ray wagon up to now, so only mail DVD's to my location. Who was Darkwing Duck? Did Darkwing hold similar blood with a distinct duck family? McDucks? How did Lauchpad go from that particular duck show, DuckSagas (wink wink) to Darkwing Duck? Did Launchpad attain a boot out? I fancy solutions and justification!! I miss old cartoons. Nowadays' cartoons do not stack up to particular toons of my youth. Cartoons kind of suck now. Mr. MoistPadBob StraightRhombusPants has an omission from said dumb cartoons of nowadays.
Okay that is all I got for this post. It was difficult and took a long duration. But it was fun. I might try it again. If you find any of that symbol I could not apply, point it out to muah. I await your input.
What you long to catch with your audio organs...
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Pizza Pizza
Well you may or may not know but Pizza Hut has come out with a new pizza, a stuffed crust pizza with hot dogs. That's right, the pizza crust is stuffed with hot dogs. Whether you like or dislike the idea is besides the point. The important thing is that I was able to infiltrate Pizza Hit headquarters and steal the stuffed crust brainstorming folder. Here are the ideas that launched and failed or never make it off the drawing board.
STUFFED CRUST IDEAS
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STUFFED CRUST IDEAS
- Tuna Fish
- Jelly Beans
- Butter
- Maple Syrup
- Lucky Charms
- Jello Pudding
- Sushi
- Brussel Sprouts
- General Tso's Chicken
- Salt
- Cocaine
- Cole Slaw
- Pumpkin Pie Filling
- Bubble Gum
- Fruit Roll Ups
- Live Worms
- Helium
- Pop Rocks
- Raisins
- Tooth Paste
- Coffee
I have to say, that Jello Pudding idea doesn't seem that bad.
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Wednesday, August 24, 2011
PTM Wants YOU!!
I love guest posting, whether it is me guest posting on another blog or someone guest posting here on Just the Cheese. I love blog post collaboration, it is a lot of fun. I have had many bloggers share their creative juices with me (that sounded kind of dirty). Just to name a few, there has been Golden Girl, Baby Sister, Rawknrobyn, Invisible Seductress, Geof (@ The Man-Cave) and many others.
I would like to invite YOU the reader to join me in creating a great blog post. This is an open invitation to whoever wants to guest post on 'Just the Cheese'. Don't be shy, I don't bite, unless you want me to. I usually end up doing a wacky interview with my guest posters but you never know what could happen. Also if you have an idea that you want to share with me then don't hesitate to throw it out there.
If you would like to team up just let me know in a comment or email me at reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com.
I would like to invite YOU the reader to join me in creating a great blog post. This is an open invitation to whoever wants to guest post on 'Just the Cheese'. Don't be shy, I don't bite, unless you want me to. I usually end up doing a wacky interview with my guest posters but you never know what could happen. Also if you have an idea that you want to share with me then don't hesitate to throw it out there.
If you would like to team up just let me know in a comment or email me at reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com.
Monday, March 1, 2010
Movies Inc.
I have incorporated my love for movies and my love for board games and created a kick ass movie game. I call it….. well, it doesn’t have a name yet. We will just call it The Movie Game. I was bored at work one day and was playing the 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon game in my head when I developed this idea. I told my buddy at work about it and we played it almost every day at work for weeks until we couldn’t think of anymore movies. I would say that it is a spin-off of the Kevin Bacon game. I should probably tell you how to play now.
To start I give you 2 movies. The object of the game is to think of another movie that you can link to the movies I gave you by using the actors/actresses. For example if I said link Independence Day to U.S. Marshalls, the answer would be Men In Black. Will Smith is in Independence day and Tommy Lee Jones is in U.S. Marshalls and they are both in Men In Black. Sometimes there is more than one answer This was an easy one. Understand how to play now? Great!
Let’s have some fun. Here are 3 questions, one easy, one medium and one hard. Are you the movie buff you think you are?
Easy. Link: Swordfish to National Treasure
Medium. Link: Dumb and Dumber to High Fidelity
Hard. Link: There's Something About Mary to Cliffhanger
To start I give you 2 movies. The object of the game is to think of another movie that you can link to the movies I gave you by using the actors/actresses. For example if I said link Independence Day to U.S. Marshalls, the answer would be Men In Black. Will Smith is in Independence day and Tommy Lee Jones is in U.S. Marshalls and they are both in Men In Black. Sometimes there is more than one answer This was an easy one. Understand how to play now? Great!
Let’s have some fun. Here are 3 questions, one easy, one medium and one hard. Are you the movie buff you think you are?
Easy. Link: Swordfish to National Treasure
Medium. Link: Dumb and Dumber to High Fidelity
Hard. Link: There's Something About Mary to Cliffhanger
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
E for Effort
I have to say that I am a little disappointed that nobody really tried to answer the trivia question on Monday. I figured some people would of had fun creating silly answers. I thought the question was odd when I first read it. I love odd trivia.
I have secretly been keeping track of who guesses the trivia correctly. I believe that ASBLACKASOBAMA is currently in the lead. I am going to pick a time frame for when the contest is over. The contest being whoever can get the most trivia questions correct. Now what do you get when you win, well a prize of some sort of course. I haven't figured out what kind of prize I will give out. Don't worry it will be awesome. There will also be a prize for the most creative answers. You don't have to be right, you just have to make me laugh or say WTF?
Participate in the trivia if you are currently not doing so. I am going to make it a weekly thing. The questions are going to be on Mondays and the answers on Tuesdays. Don't be using the internet to find the answers, there is no fun in that. Good luck to all and let's have some fun out there.
I have secretly been keeping track of who guesses the trivia correctly. I believe that ASBLACKASOBAMA is currently in the lead. I am going to pick a time frame for when the contest is over. The contest being whoever can get the most trivia questions correct. Now what do you get when you win, well a prize of some sort of course. I haven't figured out what kind of prize I will give out. Don't worry it will be awesome. There will also be a prize for the most creative answers. You don't have to be right, you just have to make me laugh or say WTF?
Participate in the trivia if you are currently not doing so. I am going to make it a weekly thing. The questions are going to be on Mondays and the answers on Tuesdays. Don't be using the internet to find the answers, there is no fun in that. Good luck to all and let's have some fun out there.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Light Bulb!!
I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I should start reviewing restaurants that I dine at. My two favorite hobbies are movies and eating/food. I have missed so many opportunities with all the times I've eaten out over the past 8 months. I am very disappointed in myself to say the least. I definitely need more reviews-you-can't-use on this here blog. This post will be my first review of a restaurant. I will try and put a different spin on things, because that's what I'm about.
Nicole (my fiance) and I ventured off to The Cheesecake Factory for a late lunch, early dinner combo, it was around 4 o'clock. If you are not familiar with The Cheesecake Factory it is an eating establishment known for their famous french fries and root beer. Actually I'm lying, if you can't figure out what they are famous for then you need more help than our economy.
I want to say that it was my 3rd time eating there but I might be off by one. First I want to tell you what I don't like about this place and probably the only thing. The tables are a little too close together. It feels like I'm eating lunch at my High School cafeteria. When we were first seated we were stuck between two other tables with guests already dining. I immediately asked if we could have a more private table. The waiter said sure, there is one in the other room. It was more private, instead of being between two other parties, we had one table to one side and a half a wall to our other. You win some and you lose some. Luckily the people sitting beside us weren't loud and obnoxious. The only thing odd about them is that they didn't order any dessert, how can you go to a restaurant known for famous desserts and not get any? Boggles my mind. That's a fun game: boggle, ever play?
Nicole had the carbonara and I had the bang-bang chicken and shrimp. Both entrees get 2 thumbs up for tastiness and presentation. The dinner is good but the cheesecake is why I go here. The past 2 times I got chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cheesecake which were both very rich and flavorful. This time I went with something simple, I got the original cheesecake with strawberries. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!! So smooth and creamy you want to savor every last bite. It gives your taste buds an orgasm. I brought the leftovers home, of course, what else would I do with them? Give them to a homeless guy? Let him get his own cheesecake. I had a few bites about a half hour ago (by the way it's 4:30 in the morning) and I think it tasted even better.
If you live somewhere that doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory then I strongly urge you to move or visit a friend that lives near one. If you live near a Cheesecake Factory and you have never been then shame on you. What the hell are you waiting for? Dinner for 2 with appetizer and 2 cheesecakes cost $57 plus tip. If you were wondering, Nicole got the white chocolate macadamia nut with caramel cheesecake or some arrangement of those words.
Wow, this post was a lot longer than anticipated. I will try and trim it down next time. I hope this review wasn't helpful.
Nicole (my fiance) and I ventured off to The Cheesecake Factory for a late lunch, early dinner combo, it was around 4 o'clock. If you are not familiar with The Cheesecake Factory it is an eating establishment known for their famous french fries and root beer. Actually I'm lying, if you can't figure out what they are famous for then you need more help than our economy.
I want to say that it was my 3rd time eating there but I might be off by one. First I want to tell you what I don't like about this place and probably the only thing. The tables are a little too close together. It feels like I'm eating lunch at my High School cafeteria. When we were first seated we were stuck between two other tables with guests already dining. I immediately asked if we could have a more private table. The waiter said sure, there is one in the other room. It was more private, instead of being between two other parties, we had one table to one side and a half a wall to our other. You win some and you lose some. Luckily the people sitting beside us weren't loud and obnoxious. The only thing odd about them is that they didn't order any dessert, how can you go to a restaurant known for famous desserts and not get any? Boggles my mind. That's a fun game: boggle, ever play?
Nicole had the carbonara and I had the bang-bang chicken and shrimp. Both entrees get 2 thumbs up for tastiness and presentation. The dinner is good but the cheesecake is why I go here. The past 2 times I got chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cheesecake which were both very rich and flavorful. This time I went with something simple, I got the original cheesecake with strawberries. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!! So smooth and creamy you want to savor every last bite. It gives your taste buds an orgasm. I brought the leftovers home, of course, what else would I do with them? Give them to a homeless guy? Let him get his own cheesecake. I had a few bites about a half hour ago (by the way it's 4:30 in the morning) and I think it tasted even better.
If you live somewhere that doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory then I strongly urge you to move or visit a friend that lives near one. If you live near a Cheesecake Factory and you have never been then shame on you. What the hell are you waiting for? Dinner for 2 with appetizer and 2 cheesecakes cost $57 plus tip. If you were wondering, Nicole got the white chocolate macadamia nut with caramel cheesecake or some arrangement of those words.
Wow, this post was a lot longer than anticipated. I will try and trim it down next time. I hope this review wasn't helpful.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A Salute To Genius
I have been trying to think of something clever to add to my blog to be original. I just read some posts at Geof's blog: Enter The Man-Cave, and I am jealous that I didn't come up with what he wrote. I would totally steal his idea if I was more of a douche bag but alas, I am a good person......son of a bitch! If you have never visited his blog you should. He posts spam emails that he gets and the humorous replies that he sends back to them. I wish I was that clever. I will hit the drawing board and come up with something great.
I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I have surpassed 3000 visitors!! So many people to thank, well that might be hard, I don't know everybody's name that visits 'Just the Cheese.' I can thank the 9 followers I have though, you care, you really do. I told myself I wouldn't cry.......
I'm not sure where I was going with this post. I first wanted to give props to Geof but then didn't think any further than that. It seems this is just turning into a late night rant. Maybe it will go somewhere and maybe I will just ramble on about absolutely nothing.
Here's a random thought that I have had before. Have you ever used the word DIABOLICAL in a sentence without referring to a movie, tv show or comic book villain? It seems that word is only meant to be used in corny superhero shows. I can picture Robin saying it in the old Batman show with Adam West.
The only reason that word popped into my head is because I heard Claire Daines use the word PARADOXICAL on The Colbert Report. I thought that can't be an actual word, she just made that up. Sure enough, it is a word. I have never heard anyone use it before. I am going to try to fit 'diabolical' and 'paradoxical' into the same sentence this week. Wish me luck!
I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I have surpassed 3000 visitors!! So many people to thank, well that might be hard, I don't know everybody's name that visits 'Just the Cheese.' I can thank the 9 followers I have though, you care, you really do. I told myself I wouldn't cry.......
I'm not sure where I was going with this post. I first wanted to give props to Geof but then didn't think any further than that. It seems this is just turning into a late night rant. Maybe it will go somewhere and maybe I will just ramble on about absolutely nothing.
Here's a random thought that I have had before. Have you ever used the word DIABOLICAL in a sentence without referring to a movie, tv show or comic book villain? It seems that word is only meant to be used in corny superhero shows. I can picture Robin saying it in the old Batman show with Adam West.
The only reason that word popped into my head is because I heard Claire Daines use the word PARADOXICAL on The Colbert Report. I thought that can't be an actual word, she just made that up. Sure enough, it is a word. I have never heard anyone use it before. I am going to try to fit 'diabolical' and 'paradoxical' into the same sentence this week. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Trivia Corner
I'm going to start a little trivia corner on my blog. Well it's not going to be in the corner but I don't know what else to call it. I am probably going to to something once a week with trivia. Some will be easy and some will be hard. I'm going to keep track of who gets the right answers. Maybe there will be prizes awarded. If you want to play along just email me your answers to Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com. Don't put your answer in a comment because it will ruin it for other people. Feel free to still leave a comment just don't write your answer there.
I love trivia and puzzles so that is why I want to do this. Now I know some of you will want to cheat and just go on the Internet to find the answer but where is the fun in that. I want you to muster all the brain power you can.
You know what show I really liked back in the 90's, Unhappily Ever After. That was a funny show, kind of had a Married with Children feel to it. I'm going to start off with a 2 part question.
1) What actor played the son on the show?
2) Who did the voice for Mr. Floppy?
Email: Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com
I love trivia and puzzles so that is why I want to do this. Now I know some of you will want to cheat and just go on the Internet to find the answer but where is the fun in that. I want you to muster all the brain power you can.
You know what show I really liked back in the 90's, Unhappily Ever After. That was a funny show, kind of had a Married with Children feel to it. I'm going to start off with a 2 part question.
1) What actor played the son on the show?
2) Who did the voice for Mr. Floppy?
Email: Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
OCD much
One of my biggest pet peeves is when a chair or table I'm sitting at/on is wobbly. This is extremely annoying and if you are like me it bothers you to the bitter end. I am always finding myself shimming said chair or table to stop the wobbling. I learned about what shims are in construction. Normally they are a slender piece of wood that is used to make something level or flush.
I never have an actual shim handy so I use whatever is around me. In math class last night I folded up a piece of paper and stuck it under one of the legs of my desk to make it level. I had been sitting at this desk since the beginning of the semester and I couldn't stand it anymore. Problem solved for now, I just hope the paper shim is still there next class. So far; Jamie: one, desk: zero.
I never have an actual shim handy so I use whatever is around me. In math class last night I folded up a piece of paper and stuck it under one of the legs of my desk to make it level. I had been sitting at this desk since the beginning of the semester and I couldn't stand it anymore. Problem solved for now, I just hope the paper shim is still there next class. So far; Jamie: one, desk: zero.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Ooooo that smell, can't you smell that smell?
If you smelled really bad would you want someone to tell you? There is a new guy at work, let's call him Burt and he reeks of something fowl. I'm not sure if he doesn't believe in deodorant or he is coming from another job that requires him to bathe in fecal matter but he needs to take a long shower pronto. I had to work next to this man the other night and I could not stand his stench. I stayed as far away from him after I felt the nausea kick in. I can't pinpoint the smell but it kind of smells like really bad B.O. If by some miracle he reads this post I hope he gets my subtle hints.
On another unrelated note, do they make adult footsie pajamas? Remember the days when you sported the zip-up cloth body suit? I was told by somebody that they do make footsie pajamas for adults. Who is wearing these things? They cannot be fashionable although I would wear them around the house cause I'm always misplacing my slippers. I love slippers. They make boot slippers now. Need to get me a pair of those.
I have a somewhat good idea. The feet should be removable by like a zipper, snaps or velcro. I haven't figured out what would work the best though. I believe the zipper would be difficult and annoying and the velcro might lose it's stickiness after too many times through the wash. I think snaps would be the best option. I know my feet would probably get all hot and sweaty so I would need to give them some air by taking off the feet for a second. You can go and steal this idea if you want, I don't think it will actually catch on but if it does I get some of the profits.
These are things I think of when I'm at work to pass the time. My head is full of zany ideas. Let's make footsie pajamas happen for adults. To the drawing board!!
On another unrelated note, do they make adult footsie pajamas? Remember the days when you sported the zip-up cloth body suit? I was told by somebody that they do make footsie pajamas for adults. Who is wearing these things? They cannot be fashionable although I would wear them around the house cause I'm always misplacing my slippers. I love slippers. They make boot slippers now. Need to get me a pair of those.
I have a somewhat good idea. The feet should be removable by like a zipper, snaps or velcro. I haven't figured out what would work the best though. I believe the zipper would be difficult and annoying and the velcro might lose it's stickiness after too many times through the wash. I think snaps would be the best option. I know my feet would probably get all hot and sweaty so I would need to give them some air by taking off the feet for a second. You can go and steal this idea if you want, I don't think it will actually catch on but if it does I get some of the profits.
These are things I think of when I'm at work to pass the time. My head is full of zany ideas. Let's make footsie pajamas happen for adults. To the drawing board!!
Monday, October 12, 2009
Don't put it off, procrastinate now
Ever find yourself wanting to accomplish something and you end up polishing off a bag of Doritos in your pajamas watching reruns of Seinfeld? It happens to the best and the worst of us, you know who you are. The easiest thing to do to fix this side affect is to create a 'to do' list. I know what you are thinking but you would be surprised how much you actually accomplish by using a 'to do' list.
I started using one when I had a sales job and I still use it. The worse thing you can do is compile your list in your head and not write anything down. Have you ever thought about what you need to do the next day before you go to bed and then you wake up and forget half of it? I highly recommend writing it down so it's there when you wake up. I use a white board so I can easily keep it updated. For awhile it was working and then I kept forgetting to look at it and I turned into a couch potato. Why is it called a couch potato? Is the potato the laziest vegetable? Why not couch asparagus or couch carrot? Does anyone know?
Back to my point....
To try and change my ways I kept erasing what I wrote and writing in different colors thinking this will make me look at it. It did work for awhile until I forgot about it again. I recently thought of a clever, simple solution. I put a check box next to all my 'to do' list items. When I accomplished something I could check it off instead of erasing it like I was doing. Seeing what I accomplished helped a lot and gave me a sense of satisfaction.
If you don't have a white board you can use index cards or one piece of paper that you carry everywhere. Don't use several scraps of paper, that's just stupid.Do your most unpleasant tasks first thing. Otherwise, they will occupy your mind most of the day and you won't be productive. I know this from experience, you end up putting it off and you tell yourself 'I'll do it tomorrow.' This brilliant idea never works out.
Create your 'to do' list today, it could change your life. That sounded cheesy. How about stop fucking procrastinating and just do something productive already, you lazy bastard!! Too harsh? Hmmmm....... Do whatever you want, I don't care what you do. That works.
I started using one when I had a sales job and I still use it. The worse thing you can do is compile your list in your head and not write anything down. Have you ever thought about what you need to do the next day before you go to bed and then you wake up and forget half of it? I highly recommend writing it down so it's there when you wake up. I use a white board so I can easily keep it updated. For awhile it was working and then I kept forgetting to look at it and I turned into a couch potato. Why is it called a couch potato? Is the potato the laziest vegetable? Why not couch asparagus or couch carrot? Does anyone know?
Back to my point....
To try and change my ways I kept erasing what I wrote and writing in different colors thinking this will make me look at it. It did work for awhile until I forgot about it again. I recently thought of a clever, simple solution. I put a check box next to all my 'to do' list items. When I accomplished something I could check it off instead of erasing it like I was doing. Seeing what I accomplished helped a lot and gave me a sense of satisfaction.
If you don't have a white board you can use index cards or one piece of paper that you carry everywhere. Don't use several scraps of paper, that's just stupid.Do your most unpleasant tasks first thing. Otherwise, they will occupy your mind most of the day and you won't be productive. I know this from experience, you end up putting it off and you tell yourself 'I'll do it tomorrow.' This brilliant idea never works out.
Create your 'to do' list today, it could change your life. That sounded cheesy. How about stop fucking procrastinating and just do something productive already, you lazy bastard!! Too harsh? Hmmmm....... Do whatever you want, I don't care what you do. That works.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Is it Bologna or Boloney?
I have never understood the English language entirely. For instance who the hell decided on the spelling of words? Was it one guy or like a board meeting type of situation where everybody gives their idea and then it's voted on? One word I never understood especially when I was younger is "colonel." What happened to the "R?" Other words like bologna, knife, phlegm and cough. Why do we need silent letters in the first place, do they help us at all in school when we are learning how to read?
Okay Timmy spell the word 'knife.' Timmy sounds it out and says N-I-F-E. No Timmy I'm sorry but there is a 'K' at the beginning. What the fuck you talking about 'K' at the beginning? It's not KA-NIFE, who put that 'K' there? You're telling me the 'K' is silent? Oh like KFUCK YOU!!
How come we don't have silent letters in our names? I'm going to add a 'Z' in my name so it's JAMZIE now, don't forget that the 'Z' is silent. I have actually thought about this before but I forgot about it until I saw a Katt Williams stand up where he does an entertaining skit involving the pronunciation of words. I kind of stole it from him but I'm sure he won't sue, I'm not getting paid like he is. Also Jim Gaffigan does a small bit about it. I love Jim Gaffigan, I think he's hilarious, he talks about the most simplest things and makes them funny like hot pockets and bacon.
Maybe 'colonel' is spelled that way because we already have 'kernel' and nobody wants to be a 'kernel' in the armed forces.
Why can't words just be spelled the way they sound? I would really like to find out the back story on the spelling of these ridiculous words. The ironic thing is that I'm a stickler for spelling words correctly. I used to edit my texts so they the words were spelled right and it would bother me if I didn't do it. I'm better now but I'm still a little anal about it. You know what is bullshit, my Microsoft Word is screwed up and I can't use spell check on it. It sucks for doing school work, I have to email it to myself and spell check it at the library or Nicole's house.
Okay I have wandered away from the subject once again but that's what makes it interesting or something along those lines. Wherever I was going with this is now gone. I might write a follow up piece if I can remember what I was talking about. "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."
Okay Timmy spell the word 'knife.' Timmy sounds it out and says N-I-F-E. No Timmy I'm sorry but there is a 'K' at the beginning. What the fuck you talking about 'K' at the beginning? It's not KA-NIFE, who put that 'K' there? You're telling me the 'K' is silent? Oh like KFUCK YOU!!
How come we don't have silent letters in our names? I'm going to add a 'Z' in my name so it's JAMZIE now, don't forget that the 'Z' is silent. I have actually thought about this before but I forgot about it until I saw a Katt Williams stand up where he does an entertaining skit involving the pronunciation of words. I kind of stole it from him but I'm sure he won't sue, I'm not getting paid like he is. Also Jim Gaffigan does a small bit about it. I love Jim Gaffigan, I think he's hilarious, he talks about the most simplest things and makes them funny like hot pockets and bacon.
Maybe 'colonel' is spelled that way because we already have 'kernel' and nobody wants to be a 'kernel' in the armed forces.
Why can't words just be spelled the way they sound? I would really like to find out the back story on the spelling of these ridiculous words. The ironic thing is that I'm a stickler for spelling words correctly. I used to edit my texts so they the words were spelled right and it would bother me if I didn't do it. I'm better now but I'm still a little anal about it. You know what is bullshit, my Microsoft Word is screwed up and I can't use spell check on it. It sucks for doing school work, I have to email it to myself and spell check it at the library or Nicole's house.
Okay I have wandered away from the subject once again but that's what makes it interesting or something along those lines. Wherever I was going with this is now gone. I might write a follow up piece if I can remember what I was talking about. "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
"Driving" Me Crazy
What is the deal with MiniVans? They are either driving way too slow or they are speeding and tailgating on the highway. It has probably happened to you where you are driving on the parkway and a MiniVan comes flying up behind you and starts tailgating the shit out of your car. I have a theory about these MiniVans. I believe that the ones that are speeding are being driven by the husbands who hate having the Minivan so they decide to beat the hell out of them. Now the ones that drive like your 90 year old grandma are being driven by the soccer moms with too many kids.
This theory brings me to my original topic: People do not know how to drive anymore. Today's generation of motorists barely qualify as licensed pedestrians. I don't think anyone knows what the purpose of a turn signal really is or how long you should wait at a stop sign before proceeding. Now I am not a perfect driver, I break the law from time to time and account for my fair share of non-signaling and erratic behavior but I am far better than most of the jackasses out there.
I vote on implementing a new requirement for owning a driver's license. I believe that everyone should have to take a driver's test every 5 years (free of charge of course, the DMV gets too much of our money as it is.) This will hopefully weed out those who passed their first exam by accident. It's a miracle that certain people even received a license. This will also cut down on automobile accidents and breaking the law such as speeding and rolling through stop signs. I cannot stand the dumb asses that are out there on the asphalt. I just want to run them off the road and beat them with a sack of potatoes until they learn their lesson.
Let's drive safe out there............or do you like potatoes that much?
This theory brings me to my original topic: People do not know how to drive anymore. Today's generation of motorists barely qualify as licensed pedestrians. I don't think anyone knows what the purpose of a turn signal really is or how long you should wait at a stop sign before proceeding. Now I am not a perfect driver, I break the law from time to time and account for my fair share of non-signaling and erratic behavior but I am far better than most of the jackasses out there.
I vote on implementing a new requirement for owning a driver's license. I believe that everyone should have to take a driver's test every 5 years (free of charge of course, the DMV gets too much of our money as it is.) This will hopefully weed out those who passed their first exam by accident. It's a miracle that certain people even received a license. This will also cut down on automobile accidents and breaking the law such as speeding and rolling through stop signs. I cannot stand the dumb asses that are out there on the asphalt. I just want to run them off the road and beat them with a sack of potatoes until they learn their lesson.
Let's drive safe out there............or do you like potatoes that much?
Friday, September 18, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Movie Advice
I'm starting a new segment on my blog. It is going to be a movie advice column. You ask me about a movie you want to see/rent and I will give you a short review on it. You need to ask me about a movie that's not in theaters because I already review movies I see in theaters. Now this is different than IMDB or an actual review because I will be more entertaining and comical, plus I've seen a crap load of movies. The movie advice email, which will act as the new blog email is: reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com.
Please don't be shy. Ask me about an actor's name or a line from a movie, whatever floats your boat. I will get back to you as quickly as possible, probably within 30 minutes of you sending your query. Have fun with it and I will talk to you soon.
Please don't be shy. Ask me about an actor's name or a line from a movie, whatever floats your boat. I will get back to you as quickly as possible, probably within 30 minutes of you sending your query. Have fun with it and I will talk to you soon.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Superhero Accessory

The new fashion fad for next year is going to be capes. I'm starting my own cape business, now everyone can be fashionable along with magicians, superheroes and eccentric, rich old geezers. I will probably be up and running by the beginning of 2010. Here are some of my different cape ideas:
- Fireproof cape - geared towards firefighters and home safety
- Glow in the dark cape - for clubbing and night time fun
- Waterproof cape - to wear in the rain or pool
- Stain resistant cape - for clean freaks
- Mini cape - for the vertically challenged, kids or don't like full size
- Look at me cape (with lights and sounds) - for attention whores
- Floatation Device cape - in case you're on the Titanic
- Parachute cape - may come in handy
- Bib cape - for the fancy baby
- Groomsman cape - an addition to the top hat and cane
- Purse cape - with pockets so women don't need to carry a bag
- Roll-up cape - rolls up into a pouch like a hood for when you don't need it
- Blanket cape - is thicker for the colder nights
- Advertising cape - market your business
- Animal cape - a penguin would look awesome, it already has the tuxedo
I want to give partial credit to my buddy Dustin Horton for creating these brilliant ideas. We got bored on the way back from a sales conference in Pittsburgh and started talking about capes for some reason. We talked for like an hour about it in detail and were laughing hysterically. I think the monopoly guy could use a nice cape. If you have any creative cape suggestions please let me know. This is definitely going to catch on........well probably not.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Death by Roller Coaster

I spent all day at 6 Flags yesterday, mostly at Hurricane Harbor but I did go on some of the rides in the park. I went twice last summer and this is my second time this summer. I'm not going to bore you with details of the whole day so I will get right to the juicy parts. First off prices are always ridiculous in amusement parks like $3.50 for a bottle of water and everybody is a sucker because what else are you suppose to do? That isn't the worst of it. It was getting about that time to eat something so we decided to get some pizza at the Papa John's they have in there. You figure since it's in Six Flags that the prices would be slightly inflated like maybe $4 or even $5 for a slice of pizza. Well for one slice of pizza hut tasting pizza it was $7.50!!!!! What the hell is this world coming to when you have to take out a small loan to buy some pizza?
That is just one grievance I have with the park but I digress. Whining about food prices wasn't my original point to this post. I almost died on The Great American Scream Machine!! For some reason there was no line for this coaster so Nicole and I got on fairly quickly. I don't know why there was no line, it's a pretty good coaster. After our first trip around we decided to go on it again since we didn't have to wait, big mistake on our part. Almost at the end of the train's run it stops on a platform to then go down a small incline and around the last loop. Well for some reason it wasn't building enough momentum and it barely made it around the last loop. The movie Final Destination flashed through my head, the one where some of them die on the roller coaster. It was some scary shit, everyone freaked out after we stopped to get out.
The eerie part of it all was that Nicole had a funny feeling about going on again. Next time share that feeling with your boyfriend so we both don't have to shit our pants.
One of my friends also told me that a few years ago she was on King Da Ka and the train didn't make it over the hill and it went backwards down the track. Instead of letting people off
they tried again and this time it made it over. People should be required to wear some depends on King Da Ka. As a side note the new Bizarro coaster is pretty cool, it took the place of Medusa which I miss but what can I do?I had an random thought while enjoying the day. Do dwarfs or little people get upset that they can't g
o on roller coasters because of their stature? Someone should build an amusement park just for the vertically challenged and it should discriminate against tall people. All the rides should be made to only accommodate little people (I want to say midgets but I know that's not politically correct nowadays.) I doubt someone will build one but it's a funny idea. If you do build it please credit me with the idea.
o on roller coasters because of their stature? Someone should build an amusement park just for the vertically challenged and it should discriminate against tall people. All the rides should be made to only accommodate little people (I want to say midgets but I know that's not politically correct nowadays.) I doubt someone will build one but it's a funny idea. If you do build it please credit me with the idea. Monday, August 17, 2009
Late night snack
I love the edible arrangements chocolate. It is like an orgasm in your mouth. I don’t know when the first time I had it but I know I had it at Nicole’s house. It was some holiday to promote sweets like Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day. The chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite. The chocolate covered pineapple and banana are pretty scrumptious as well. Also there is a caramel crunch coated apple thing that is worth tasting. I could eat 50 of those strawberries in one sitting then have to poop immediately afterwards. Well Nicole bought me some edible arrangements chocolate for my birthday this year (July 14th if anyone was wondering.) It was a great present because I love food (hint for Christmas.) I have u
sed it on strawberries, blueberries, Carvel cake and a cookie or two, it is very messy.I had a little bit left and I was hungry tonight and a light bulb went on in my head, instead of covering the strawberries with the chocolate I’ll put the chocolate in the strawberries. So I got out my trusty Cutco paring knife and cut off the tops and inside of the berries to create a home for my chocolate
. It worked to perfection, the only problem was I only had enough chocolate for 6 berries. Right now, as I type the chocolate is hardening inside of them in the fridge. I can’t wait to eat them, I can almost taste the orgasm.
. It worked to perfection, the only problem was I only had enough chocolate for 6 berries. Right now, as I type the chocolate is hardening inside of them in the fridge. I can’t wait to eat them, I can almost taste the orgasm.Saturday, August 15, 2009
Ice cream anyone?
In my marketing class back last semester we were talking about how companies come up with new ideas and how to brainstorm. My teacher told us to think of some new ice cream flavors, they didn’t have to be good just whatever pops into our heads. Some were good and others were peculiar, some one came up with chicken….mmm chicken ice cream. Some of the good flavors were champagne, martini, and pb&j. Now my idea was brilliant and everyone in class was crazy jealous. I’m not going to tell you the flavor I thought of because you might steal it and make millions. Yeah you probably think it’s stupid for me to talk about my idea if I’m not going to tell you what it actually is, well tough sh*t.
I thought about actually patenting the idea or copyrighting or whatever the correct terminology is for it. What sucks is doing something like that costs big bucks. Now what if I don’t have any money and want to invent something new, how am I suppose to make it happen? I have actually thought of a few good ideas for a new product or board game. I don’t know what to do with all these ideas. I’m worried if I wait too long someone is going to invent these things before I do. Some of them seem stupid but I’m sure most products were thought to be stupid at some point. If I had my own lawyer I would list some of my great ideas but you people would probably steal them from me cause you’re greedy bastards!!
There is a website for patenting and copyrighting if you are interested, legalzoom.com. I should pitch my ice cream flavor to Ben and Jerry, I could make millions!! I’m a one man think tank. I should really start writing down my ideas so I don’t forget them. If I only could trust you people with my soon to be money makers. Who else out there has thought up an idea for something but doesn’t know how to get the ball rolling? Well I don’t know either so don’t ask my advice. I feel like I have all these great ideas and can’t do anything with them.
I don't remember what the point of all this rambling was, I just needed to vent about it. You probably want the last few minutes of your life back, well invent the flux capacitor and travel back in time or to the future. First ask Christopher Lloyd if he still has his before you waste your time on yours.
I thought about actually patenting the idea or copyrighting or whatever the correct terminology is for it. What sucks is doing something like that costs big bucks. Now what if I don’t have any money and want to invent something new, how am I suppose to make it happen? I have actually thought of a few good ideas for a new product or board game. I don’t know what to do with all these ideas. I’m worried if I wait too long someone is going to invent these things before I do. Some of them seem stupid but I’m sure most products were thought to be stupid at some point. If I had my own lawyer I would list some of my great ideas but you people would probably steal them from me cause you’re greedy bastards!!
There is a website for patenting and copyrighting if you are interested, legalzoom.com. I should pitch my ice cream flavor to Ben and Jerry, I could make millions!! I’m a one man think tank. I should really start writing down my ideas so I don’t forget them. If I only could trust you people with my soon to be money makers. Who else out there has thought up an idea for something but doesn’t know how to get the ball rolling? Well I don’t know either so don’t ask my advice. I feel like I have all these great ideas and can’t do anything with them.
I don't remember what the point of all this rambling was, I just needed to vent about it. You probably want the last few minutes of your life back, well invent the flux capacitor and travel back in time or to the future. First ask Christopher Lloyd if he still has his before you waste your time on yours.
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