Thursday, August 30, 2012

Celebrity Tombstones

Haven't you always wanted to know what current living celebrities would put on their tombstones? Well I interviewed a whole bunch of them recently and most of them told me what they were going to write.

Tom Cruise - "I wasn't gay, seriously"

Richard Dreyfuss - "I never watched Jaws"

Kirk Cameron - "That born again Christian crap worked like a charm"

Dennis Rodman - "Was I buried in a dress?"

Tony Danza - "I'm the boss, bitch"

Ron Howard - "I deeply apologize for putting my ugly brother in my movies"

Bob Barker - "Fuck you, Drew Carey"

Bill Clinton - "Fat chicks need lovin' too"

Snooki - "I knew I would get skin cancer from all that tanning"

Oprah Winfrey - "I still think Tom Cruise is gay"

Jeff Bridges - "Dude"

Tara Reid - "That fourth boob job was a bad idea"

Conan O'brien - "Jay Leno can suck it"

Matt Leblanc - "Stop calling me Joey"

Brad Pitt - "I had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie"

Monday, August 27, 2012

Simple & Fun Question Monday

What is the difference between mocha flavored coffee and mocha flavored chocolate? I don't know the answer to this one, you have to give me your opinion.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Medical Jargon

New definitions used in medical reports

Negative patient care outcome ............ the patient died

Mental activity at the margins ......... insanity

Therapeutic misadventure ................ medical malpractice

Hematophagous arthropod vectors ............................. fleas

Spontaneous bowel contraction..................................... shit your pants

Engorged cellular depositing...................................... fat ass

Misfiring synaptic responses....................................... stupid

Underdeveloped phallic response................................ can't get an erection

Aggravated bovine ejection .............. being bucked off of a bull

Monday, August 20, 2012

Simple & Fun Question Monday

Would you rather eat whatever you want for a week without gaining weight or incurring any health issues?


Would you rather have telepathic abilities for a week?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Testing your wits

Hi, want to play? No? Too bad, I am forcing you to. I will train your logical thinking skills to look for unusual laws lurking in outwardly ordinary lists of words. In this paragraph, I want you to look for what is missing. Although my words may look ordinary, this is not typical writing. An unusual constraint limits my words. I could not put just any word in this paragraph. Many words simply would not fit. Did you find it? Is your brain in pain? What is missing in this paragraph?

Answer: (Right click your mouse and highlight below)
There is no letter E in the paragraph.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Simple & Fun Question Monday

Q: Out of Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick Star and Squidward Tentacles, who do you think is most likely a homosexual?

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Olympic events, or so we thought...

Olympic events that didnt make it

  • Jell-O Wrestling
  • Pie Eating
  • Dwarf Tossing
  • Ultimate Tic-Tac-Toe
  • Ice Fishing
  • Sand Castle Building
  • Extreme Hopscotch
  • Paper Airplane Flying
  • 100m Potato Sack Race
  • Kickball
  • Marco Polo
  • Duck, Duck, Goose
  • Thumb Wrestling
  • Snowman Building
  • Air Hockey
  • Hide and Seek

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Lifeguard Application

National Lifeguard Application

Next to each question please write yes, no or I don't know.

1) Can you swim? (minimal requirement is doggy paddle)

2) Are you attractive? (minimal requirement is 7 out of 10)

3) Do you know how to use a whistle?

4) Is your favorite show Bay Watch?

5) Do you look good without a shirt on?

6) Is temporarily making out with the same sex a problem for you?

7) Do you know the difference between an ocean, a lake and a pool?

8) Can you look cool wearing sunglasses while sitting in a giant chair?

9) Are you allergic to sand?

10) Can you tolerate screaming, crying and whining kids for an extensive amount of time?

11) For male applicant: Do you have at least a 4-pack?

12) For female applicant: Do you have at least a C-cup?

13) Are you good at charades?

14) Are the words radical, gnarly, cowabunga, or bodacious in your vocabulary?

15) Were you able to read this application?

Please mail to your local beach or country club.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Simple & Fun Question Monday

Happy 3 year blogoversary to me!!!! I cannot believe I have been blogging for 3 years. Time flies when you are having fun. I would like to thank me for everything I have done on this blog, I couldn't have done it without myself. I am throwing a surprise party for myself later tonight, shhh don't tell me about it.

Q: If you could change the name of my blog to anything, what would it's new name be and why?

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Out of steam

I have plenty of ideas but I have been too tired to come up with anything good. I thought about ranting about some bullshit that has happened but I am sort of over that now. Instead I will leave you with a joke to tell your friends, coworkers and drug dealer.

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?

A: How do you breathe with that thing?