Wednesday, August 31, 2011

For Your Information and Yours Too

As you may have noticed JTC got some minor cosmetic surgery. I changed a few fonts, updated PTM's profile, changed the description and added some tabs. All the 'Weird Laws' posts that I have done are under the Weird Laws tab. The 'Where Are They Now?' tab has the two posts that I have done with that subject. I plan to do more and I will add them on there when I do. I know how all of you love the Weird Laws so now you can easily access the ones you didn't read and leave comments (because you like me).

I like the background to much to change it. I hadn't changed anything on here in awhile so I thought it needed some sprucing up. I really like the font I picked for the header. It is called cherry cream soda or something weird like that. I recently deleted my entire blog roll and started from scratch. I had every blog I followed on that roll but a lot of those blogs didn't exist anymore or were moved to another blog. Don't be offended if you aren't on the list. I only started with the blogs that I frequently visit. Your blog could be up there next.

In other news, I will be starting school again next week. It came up out of nowhere. I have five more classes to take then I can graduate with an Associates Degree in Marketing then on to some other school, I don't know where yet. What does this mean for you? Unfortunately homework and school comes first so I will have less time for blogging. I will most likely be posting less frequently and reading your blogs less. This doesn't mean that I don't love you anymore but PTM needs priorities and blogging is not one of them. I will do my best to be as involved as possible but I can't make any promises. I have a day job now so maybe this semester will be different than last semester. I didn't get much sleep working overnights last semester.

I have a ton of ideas to play with and some guest posts to work on to keep it fresh. Don't forget about your buddy PTM. I will still be around just not as much. I did recently buy my first laptop so the Internet is more accessible than it was.

So what do you think of the changes I made I here?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Interview With a Legend

With us today is a very well known and respected female figure. Please give a warm welcome to the one and only Miss Piggy.
PTM: Thank you for sitting down with us today. It is nice to finally meet you.

Miss Piggy: I know!

PTM: Are you excited about the new Muppets movie coming out?

Miss Piggy: You mean the one I'LL be starring in? Of course! I'm drunk. You're exciting....

PTM: I heard a rumor that you and Kermit were having some marital problems. Something about an affair with Fozzie. Is any of that true?

Miss Piggy: Next question.

PTM: Have you ever eaten bacon?

Miss Piggy: I have. Problem?

PTM: Who is your celebrity crush and what would you do if you met them?

Miss Piggy: Taylor Lautner. everything I would do to him is probably illegal and not just because I'm an animal (winks)

PTM: You have had a very successful career, what do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?

Miss Piggy: Justin Bieber.

PTM: Ok, my director is telling me that a stage hand found a pile of feces in your dressing room. I knew you were a pig, but come on. You couldn’t use the toilet?

Miss Piggy: That's not mine.....OKAY! OKAY! I'm DRUNK. Shit happens!

PTM: Is it true that a few years ago Gonzo was in rehab for 2 months for a coke problem?

Miss Piggy: Yes. But seeing as this questionnaire is about your truly (bats eyes) we could talk about MY coke pro...I mean......(smiles)

PTM: We only have a few more minutes so I’m going to take a question or two from the audience. You, in the front in the Goonies shirt. What is your question?

Audience Member: Can any of the Muppet Babies understand Beaker?

Miss Piggy: When we're under the influence. 

PTM: Last question, you, the guy that looks like Santa Claus.

Audience Member: Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants but when he comes out of the shower he wraps a towel around his waist. What’s up with that?

Miss Piggy: That might be due to the time he got arrested for coke. Despite Gonzo's warnings, Donald dropped the soap multiple times. I personally think he enjoyed it.....

PTM: Thank you Miss Piggy for stopping by.
I want to thank my friend Johana for playing the part of Miss Piggy.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Failed Slogans

The average consumer can probably identify many of their favorite companies' slogans. We hear them on the radio or seem them on tv and they just get glued to our brain. Some companies like to change their slogan/motto every once in awhile to change things up while others stick with the one that works. I am here to share with you slogans that failed miserably. After you are done with this head on over to Life by Chocolate to check out an awesome post that I contributed to.....HERE.

Nabisco Triscuits - "We promise you it doesn't taste like cardboard."

Hoover - "We suck."

IHOP - "At least we aren't Denny's."

Jack Daniels - "Whiskey so smooth you'll want to drink it for breakfast."

Nike - "We make sneakers."

Old Spice - "Smelling like your grandpa since 1934."

Poland Spring - "Contains only 7% deer urine."

Coca-Cola - "Pepsi is our bitch."

Jelly Belly - "2 out of 5 dentists recommend it."

United Airlines - "Your safety is our #3 concern."

Mcdonalds - "We'll show you where the beef is."

Sears - "If we don't carry it, K-mart probably has it."

Viagra - "Giving elderly men a reason to get up in the morning."

Red Bull - "Crack in a can."

Trojan Condoms - "Cheaper than an abortion."

Don't miss out on The Mating Game created by Rawknrobyn, PTM, Oilfield Trash and Al Penwasser. A post included us four just has to be good.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

PTM Wants YOU!!

I love guest posting, whether it is me guest posting on another blog or someone guest posting here on Just the Cheese. I love blog post collaboration, it is a lot of fun. I have had many bloggers share their creative juices with me (that sounded kind of dirty). Just to name a few, there has been Golden Girl, Baby Sister, Rawknrobyn, Invisible Seductress, Geof (@ The Man-Cave) and many others.

I would like to invite YOU the reader to join me in creating a great blog post. This is an open invitation to whoever wants to guest post on 'Just the Cheese'. Don't be shy, I don't bite, unless you want me to. I usually end up doing a wacky interview with my guest posters but you never know what could happen. Also if you have an idea that you want to share with me then don't hesitate to throw it out there.

If you would like to team up just let me know in a comment or email me at

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Meet 'N' Greet

About 2 weeks ago, Nicole and I went to a tasting at the venue where we are getting hitched. If you follow
"... and the pickles" you might of read what she wrote on it. She had covered mostly what food was there and how it tasted, it definitely made me hungry and wanting to go back for more grub. I am not writing this post to repeat what Nicole had written about. I am here to cover something that she did not talk about.

We were seated with two other couples at our dinner table. Paul & Vanessa were a couple in their late 20's that are getting married this October. Peter & Donna were the parents of a bride that was getting married in September. They were awesome people. We definitely had the 'funnest' table at the tasting. There were about 80-100 people there total. We all just clicked and were laughing the whole time. The food was delicious and all but it was these two couples that made my night. I love meeting people that you can just connect with right away. It turns out that we were at the same Bridal Show in February that Paul & Vanessa attended. In fact Vanessa had said that she recognized Nicole and Nicole said she recognized Paul. I think his name was Paul, I can't remember, it doesn't really matter now.

So the night was fantastic, we were the last table to leave and we exchanged hugs and handshakes. What sucks is that we will probably never see them again. We didn't get their last names and we didn't exchange numbers. The only thing I do know is that they are getting married October 21st of this year at the same venue we are, I know what town they live in and I know the name of the band that Paul is in. I just tried searching for his band's website and I can't find it. The best shot we have to see them again is crashing their wedding. I've had this happen a few times were I have met people or a person that I've liked but never see them again.

Has anything like this ever happen to you?

Monday, August 22, 2011

Weird Laws: Part 14

Another installment of weird laws of the U.S.


It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. No husband wants her wife finding out that he has fallen in love with a gay cowboy.

It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. I didn't even know felonious was a word.

In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. How am I suppose compete in a death race?


In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than him at any one period during the day. Who is keeping track of everyone's drink? Is that a high paying job?

It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. It's because they can't reach the minimum speed of 40 mph.

In Eureka, men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women. I found wear homosexuality got started.


It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt. Dirty underwear has a low resale value.

It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name. How else is a politician going to get way with cheating on his wife with a hooker?

It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. That is the lifeguard's job when he isn't gawking at young girls in bikinis.


It is against the law to frown at a police officer. Frowning is the police officer's kryptonite, not many people know that.

In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6 pm unless the customer has a note from his/her doctor. Who? Dr. Pepper?

It is illegal to slurp soup. No note from your dentist is going to get you out of this one.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

To the Bat Cave!

I'm sure we are all well aware of the things that Batman has in the Bat Cave. There is the Batmobile, hi-tech computer, different Bat suits and some cool gadgets. I have a list of items that you didn't know were in the Bat Cave.

Manicure/Pedicure Station

Library consisting of mostly Dr. Seuss, Judy Blume and Mick Foley books

A room for Batman's collection of Raberge Eggs

A closet filled with women's wigs and clothing

The entire collection of Sex and the City and Beverly Hills 90210 on Blu-Ray

A marble statue of Lou Ferigno

Knitting supplies with 3 unfinished afghans

A golden harp

 2 cardboard boxes filled with old Cosmo and Vanity Fair magazines

A sex swing

Disco ball

A blow-up doll that looks like Robin

One of those mechanical horses that you see outside of the supermarket that is coin activated

Bowling alley

The corpse of John Candy

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Belated Blogaversary

I'm late to my own anniversary. I lost track of the time, snorting hot sauce on the weekends has impaired my ability to tell time. On Tuesday August 9th was 'Just the Cheese' two year anniversary. I thought at some point I would lose interest in this hobby but it hasn't happened yet. I just read my one year anniversary post and 90% of the bloggers that commented on that post still follow and comment on this blog. I think that is so awesome that people have stuck by all this randomness. I wish that the one blogger that really started following and commenting on my blog was still around blogging. Asblackasobama come back to us, we miss you. I'm sure some of you remember him and others have no idea who he is, that is all right.

I would love to put all my time and energy into this blog so I can have thousands of followers and hundreds of comments but there isn't any money in it for me. I wish I could do this as a career, that would be awesome. I know there are professional bloggers out there but how many of them write random humor? What stinks is I have about double the followers I did last year but still get the same number of comments. Where did everybody go? Why don't they love me anymore? Okay PTM, stop crying, you're embarrassing yourself in front of your loyal fans. Deep breath, goooooosefraba.

I am turning this into some sort of rant and that wasn't my plan at the start of this post. I can't even remember what I was going to write about. Sausages? No. Hamsters? No. Macho Man Randy Savage? No. I guess I will never know. Thank you all for reading my nonsense and I hope that you will keep reading until either you spontaneously combust or you get kidnapped by a gang of dwarf ninjas. What's that? You want to offer me an award? How thoughtful, just put it with the others.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Just some ideas

I have some great ideas for movies that should be made.

Gremlins 3: The Newest Batch
The first two movies are cult classics and so original. I keep checking IMDb every now and then to see if someone is going to make it but nothing yet. The third installment of the Gremlins movies would take place at an amusement park at night. Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) are back over 20 years later but now they have kids. One of the kids sneaks Gizmo into a backpack (even though they know better) and brings him to the park. Gizmo gets wet and the fun begins. I see Stripe and the Gremlins tying Gizmo to the front of a roller coaster to torture him. Maybe Hulk Hogan can be working one of the games like the strong man bell. I'm sure this one wouldn't be a blockbuster hit but I think it would be awesome to see anther Gremlins get made. Who's with me?

Jurassic Park IV
This one keeps getting announced and canceled. Speilberg needs to lock down that script. The first one was awesome, the sequel was pretty good but the third one sucked ass. A fourth one needs to be done to save the franchise. I read somewhere that Joe Johnston (the director of Jurassic Park III) said that Jurassic Park IV would be the start of a new trilogy. If this is true then they have to go in a whole new direction. There are only so many times they can go back to those islands. There aren't any movies that come close to Jurassic Park and I just want to see some more dinosaurs.

Backwards Trilogy
A trilogy that starts with the third movie and works backwards with two prequels. Has this been done before? Would this confuse people?

Back to the Future 4
Christopher Lloyd isn't dead yet and they can find someone to replace Michael J Fox. I'm sure Emmett Brown can find a new protege. I just love time traveling movies. I'm sure it wouldn't be as good as the original trilogy and I am sure someone already tossed this idea around in their head.

Alice in Wonderland Prequel/Sequel
I am sure Tim Burton already has this up his sleeve. I liked Alice in Wonderland but felt he could of expanded on the story.

I know I had some more but I can't think of them right now. I will have to do a sequel to this post in the future.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Amended Proverbs

A twist on everyday proverbs and sayings

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it swim

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will be gutting and cooking fish on the weekends.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can drop that old dog off at the pound and buy a new dog that will learn.

He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones. He also shouldn't masturbate in the middle of the day.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the saying 'if I had a nickel', I would have a boat load of nickels.

The early bird catches the worm. And the early ejaculator gets teased by the ladies.

A dog is a man's best friend, because he can't rat the man out to his wife.

A woman's work is never done, because there is always cooking and cleaning to do.

All good things come to he who waits. Tell to that to the man stuck in quick sand.

Never mix business with pleasure, especially if your business is a funeral home.

If at first you don't succeed, stop what you are doing and find a professional

Never judge a book by it's cover unless the cover has a picture of Pauly Shore on it.

You can't get blood out of a stone, except for Oliver or Emma Stone, they are filled with blood.

What goes up must come down. Viagra's new slogan.

It is better to give than to receive. Especially with STD's.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Pros & Cons: Cinnamon

Pros and Cons of Cinnamon

  •  Tastes great
  • Fantastic fairy dust substitution
  •  Keeps away tigers
  •  Great name for a girl
  •  Wash into hair to get rid of lice
  •  Very faithful to sugar
  •  Can get you into the best clubs
  • Keeps your feet dry and smelling fresh

  • Not a good food to snort
  •  Attracts zombies
  •  In stick form gets mistaken for candy
  •  Tastes terrible with whiskey
  •  Has a long standing grudge against oregano
  •  Causes a rash in the armpits
  •  Was arrested once for imitating brown sugar
  •  Likes Justin Bieber

Monday, August 8, 2011

Inside the Actor's Studio

I am filling in for the regular host James Lipton, he is out with a really bad case of diarrhea. I was given some disturbing details about it but I won't share that with you. We have a special guest with us today. Don't we always have a special guest? Why would I have a regular person on here that no one knows? I'm getting sidetracked. Please welcome to the stage, the one and only, Betty White.

PTM: Thanks you for joining us today Betty. I know that you are very busy these days.

Betty: Oh yes, very busy these days. You know, PTM, on top of my busy acting career I've taken up nude modeling. There will be an exclusive centerfold debuting in Playboy next month!

PTM: I need to get this off my chest. I have always had a crush on you. You are my favorite Golden Girl. Even at 89 years old I would still bend you over a table. Are you still sexually active?

Betty: Well, of course I am. That's a silly question. And I must say, you are pretty dashing yourself there young fella'.

PTM: So is there a chance that we can get together after the show and have a few drinks?

Betty: Well, PTM, let me take you off stage now and show you the real golden side of Betty White.  

Betty takes PTM's hand and takes him offstage for about 5 minutes. They come back onstage, PTM with a giant grin on his face.

PTM: Thank you Betty for showing me that. Now, there was a rumor after Rue McClanahan's passing that you and her had a short love affair back in 1988. Is there any truth to this?

Betty:  No! I would have never had a love affair with just Rue alone..the other  golden girls were involved also. You would have never guessed the moves Bea Arthur had up her sleeve....ahh...memories.
PTM: You are almost 90 years old and you look fabulous. How do you do it? What is your secret?
Betty: I surround myself with ugly younger women. They really bring out my eyes. 
PTM: I loved your performance in Lake Placid. You were so sassy. Is there a movie role you have always wanted to play or one that you think you should have been cast for?

Betty:  I think I would be pretty good as the Terminator, no?
PTM: Besides death, what is your biggest fear?

Betty:  There is nothing to fear but fear itself!!
PTM: Do you have to wear diapers or are you able to still use the toilet?

Betty:  Yes..I do have to wear them, you will see my new line of pull-ups debut in my upcoming Playboy centerfold. 
PTM: Who is your celebrity crush?

Betty:  Charlie Sheen..there is something just so forbidden about him. Hey Charlie, if you are watching this interview, come to Betty and I'll show you what WINNING is really about. 
PTM: One last question Betty then you can go take your nap. Since they have all passed and they won't find out, do you have any juicy secrets or dirt on the rest of the Golden Girls cast?

Betty:  I think I'll just leave you with the image of Bea, Estelle, Rue and I getting it on....on set....taped....the lost episode.

PTM: Thank you Betty for stopping by our studio and answering some questions for us. 

I would like to thank Golden Girl for playing the part of Betty White. She did an excellent job for her first guest post. Go check out her blog if you haven't done so yet. It is called '.... and the pickles'. She is a new blogger and also my fiance.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Forewords & Afterwords

 Each word in the two quotes below has been replaced with a word that comes right before it in the dictionary. What are the two related quotes?

1) "Hysterics plectrum allege tizzy thaw flaccid..."

2) "Nymphomania, saxophone, camshaft Yorkie sedulous..."

Answers (Just right click with your mouse to highlight)

1) "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

2) "O, say, can you see..."

Each word in the two quotes below has been replaces with a word that comes right after it in the dictionary. What are the two related quotes?

1) "Young haven theater righteous toad remainder silhouette..."

2) "Theater truthful, theater wholehearted truthful, andante nothingness butane theater truthful."

Answers (Just right click with your mouse to highlight)

1) "You have the right to remain silent..."

2) "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing 
but the truth."

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Conclusion of Alan & Jack Sparrow

A month ago I did a post on what would happen if Alan from The Hangover crossed paths with Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. I ended it with 'to be continued'. If you didn't read that post you should probably do so before reading this one. Go HERE before you continue on.

So the story left off with Alan being throw overboard. Let's see what happens next.

Alan: Wow that looks like real water and those look like real sharks
Jack: You do realize we are out in the middle of the ocean?
Alan: You mean we aren't in some sort of pirate play?
Jack: Are you really this dumb?
Alan: Ok, I surrender, just don't throw me overboard. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't have my floaties.
Jack: Put him down and untie him.
Alan: Do you have any lotion? Your crew gave me some rope burns.
Jack: What kind of man are you? 
Alan: I'm very sensitive. My dad says that I was breast fed for too long.
Jack: I still don't understand how you got aboard The Black Pearl.
Alan: Did Phil and Stu put you up to this? Classic Phil.
Jack: I don't know who this Phil and Stu you keep talking about are.
Alan: So you're going to play it that way are you? They are probably on here somewhere. I'll find them. 
Jack: You will do no such thing. You will tell me what the hell is going on or I will re-consider throwing you overboard!!
Alan: So you don't know where Phil is?
Jack: If you mention the name Phil one more time I will cut off your balls with my sword.
Alan: You have a sword? Cool, can I play with it?
Jack: Did you hear what I said? I am going to castrate you.
Alan: Hey man, where is your parrot? Aren't pirates suppose to have parrots?
Jack: Shut up!! Shut up!! Shut up!! You have to be the most annoying idiot that I have ever met. I can't take another second of you. Jack jumps overboard
Alan turns around to face the rest of the crew
Alan: Have any of you seen Phil?
The rest of the crew jump overboard
Alan: (To himself) I must be out of range. I'm not getting a signal on my pager.
The End

Monday, August 1, 2011

Exciting News!!!!!

We have a new blogger amongst us. Her blog is as new as a newborn baby (and smells like one too). Nicole (aka Golden Girl, my fiance) gave birth to her blog this weekend. It is called '.... and the pickles' and her blogger name is Golden Girl. She has guest posted once or twice here awhile back but now she can write whatever she wants without any guff from me. I'm not sure what she is going to write about yet but I'm sure it will be fantastic (I'm legally obligated to say that). Head on over to '.... and the pickles' and follow her and show her some blog love. If you don't I will steal all of your lawn gnomes and replace them with plastic flamingos.