NEW MEXICO
In Carrizozo it is forbidden for a female to appear unshaven in public. There must be a lot of streaking going on in that town.
In Deming persons may not spit on the steps of the opera house. Vomiting, urinating and defecating are perfectly okay.
In Deming hunting is prohibited in Mountain View Cemetery. Take your zombie hunting to another cemetery.
NEW YORK
Women may go topless in public, providing it is not being used as a business. Dammit, I thought my topless car wash idea was genius.
A fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. What is the fine for dressing up your penis as Abraham Lincoln and walking around naked?
It is against the law to throw a ball at someone's head for fun. What if I'm just dong it out of boredom?
NORTH CAROLINA
The mere possession of a lottery ticket is illegal and may result in a $2,000 fine. If I'm a winner do I still get to keep the money?
It is against the law to sing off key. Britney Spears better stay our of NC.
Elephants may not be used to plow cotton fields. Just imagine how much they could fertilize the fields as they plow.
NORTH DAKOTA
It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. So you are saying I need to sleep standing up if I want to keep my shoes on?
Beer and pretzels may not be served at the same time in any bar or restaurant. Beer and pretzels are like coke and pop rocks to them.
It is illegal to shoot an Indian on horseback, provided you are in a covered wagon. This law only applies if you are playing the game Oregon Trail.
Showing posts with label weird. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weird. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Monday, August 22, 2011
Weird Laws: Part 14
Another installment of weird laws of the U.S.
MONTANA
It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. No husband wants her wife finding out that he has fallen in love with a gay cowboy.
It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. I didn't even know felonious was a word.
In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. How am I suppose compete in a death race?
NEVADA
In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than him at any one period during the day. Who is keeping track of everyone's drink? Is that a high paying job?
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. It's because they can't reach the minimum speed of 40 mph.
In Eureka, men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women. I found wear homosexuality got started.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt. Dirty underwear has a low resale value.
It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name. How else is a politician going to get way with cheating on his wife with a hooker?
It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. That is the lifeguard's job when he isn't gawking at young girls in bikinis.
NEW JERSEY
It is against the law to frown at a police officer. Frowning is the police officer's kryptonite, not many people know that.
In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6 pm unless the customer has a note from his/her doctor. Who? Dr. Pepper?
It is illegal to slurp soup. No note from your dentist is going to get you out of this one.
MONTANA
It is a felony for a wife to open her husband's mail. No husband wants her wife finding out that he has fallen in love with a gay cowboy.
It is a misdemeanor to show movies that depict acts of felonious crime. I didn't even know felonious was a word.
In Whitehall, it is illegal to operate a vehicle with ice picks attached to the wheels. How am I suppose compete in a death race?
NEVADA
In Nyala, a man is forbidden from buying drinks for more than three people other than him at any one period during the day. Who is keeping track of everyone's drink? Is that a high paying job?
It is illegal to drive a camel on the highway. It's because they can't reach the minimum speed of 40 mph.
In Eureka, men who wear mustaches are forbidden from kissing women. I found wear homosexuality got started.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
It is illegal to sell the clothes one is wearing to pay off a gambling debt. Dirty underwear has a low resale value.
It is illegal to check into a hotel under an assumed name. How else is a politician going to get way with cheating on his wife with a hooker?
It is illegal to pick seaweed up off of the beach. That is the lifeguard's job when he isn't gawking at young girls in bikinis.
NEW JERSEY
It is against the law to frown at a police officer. Frowning is the police officer's kryptonite, not many people know that.
In Newark, it is illegal to sell ice cream after 6 pm unless the customer has a note from his/her doctor. Who? Dr. Pepper?
It is illegal to slurp soup. No note from your dentist is going to get you out of this one.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Weird Laws: Part 13
If you came here expecting my movie review post, it has been moved to next week. Here are the next set of weird laws of the U.S.
MAINE
In Biddeford it is illegal to gamble at an airport. There was a problem with a guy guessing too many planes going down in flames.
In Freeport it is illegal to sell mercury thermometers. Too many kids think it's candy and cut their tongue on the thermometer trying to get to it.
MARYLAND
In Rockville it is illegal to swim in public fountains. Probably because so many people pee in those things.
In Cumberland it is illegal to swear on a playground. How am I suppose to express myself when I want to use the slide?
MASSACHUSETTS
It is illegal to serve beer to hospital patients. Are they talking about in the hospital or at the bar? Cuz unless they are wearing their gown at the bar, I wouldn't know if they were a hospital patient.
It is against the law for shooting ranges to have targets that look like humans. I will just post my exes face on a target of a bear then.
MICHIGAN
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. All car sales people work part time as pastors and altar boys.
It is illegal to be drunk on a train. With a crane, heading to Tulane while eating chicken chow mein.
MINNESOTA
It is illegal to loiter near any structure or vehicle without the consent of the owner.What if I plan on stealing the car, do I need to give them a heads up?
In Minnetonka it is illegal to throw tacks, glass or nails onto a street or sidewalk. Dammit, that is how I celebrate 'step on something sharp day'.
MISSISSIPPI
It is illegal to seduce a woman by lying and promising to marry her. Mississippi must be filled with a lot of lesbians.
It is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. Is that when you have sex with shapes?
MISSOURI
In Perryville it is illegal to injure any bird within city limits. Big Bird better stay the fuck of of Perryville if he knows what's good for him.
It is illegal for a bar owner to let people drink on his premises between 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. That makes sense, that's when the vampires go to the bar and drink.
MAINE
In Biddeford it is illegal to gamble at an airport. There was a problem with a guy guessing too many planes going down in flames.
In Freeport it is illegal to sell mercury thermometers. Too many kids think it's candy and cut their tongue on the thermometer trying to get to it.
MARYLAND
In Rockville it is illegal to swim in public fountains. Probably because so many people pee in those things.
In Cumberland it is illegal to swear on a playground. How am I suppose to express myself when I want to use the slide?
MASSACHUSETTS
It is illegal to serve beer to hospital patients. Are they talking about in the hospital or at the bar? Cuz unless they are wearing their gown at the bar, I wouldn't know if they were a hospital patient.
It is against the law for shooting ranges to have targets that look like humans. I will just post my exes face on a target of a bear then.
MICHIGAN
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. All car sales people work part time as pastors and altar boys.
It is illegal to be drunk on a train. With a crane, heading to Tulane while eating chicken chow mein.
MINNESOTA
It is illegal to loiter near any structure or vehicle without the consent of the owner.What if I plan on stealing the car, do I need to give them a heads up?
In Minnetonka it is illegal to throw tacks, glass or nails onto a street or sidewalk. Dammit, that is how I celebrate 'step on something sharp day'.
MISSISSIPPI
It is illegal to seduce a woman by lying and promising to marry her. Mississippi must be filled with a lot of lesbians.
It is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. Is that when you have sex with shapes?
MISSOURI
In Perryville it is illegal to injure any bird within city limits. Big Bird better stay the fuck of of Perryville if he knows what's good for him.
It is illegal for a bar owner to let people drink on his premises between 2 a.m. and 6 a.m. That makes sense, that's when the vampires go to the bar and drink.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Weird Laws: Part XII
The next installment of U.S. weird laws.
ILLINOIS
In Galesburg it is illegal to maintain an animal that disturbs others with it's odor or noise. Fran Drescher is banned from this town.
In Galesburg it is illegal for a bicycler to practice any acrobatic or fancy riding on any street. Is riding with no hands considered fancy?
INDIANA
It is illegal to inhale glue fumes. What will the elementary school kids do at recess?
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell candy. Good thing I get my liquor at the candy store.
IOWA
Tanning salons are required to post warnings about sunburns. I am going to recommend that these warning signs be posted at the beach. People are unaware of sunburns.
In Cedar Rapids it is illegal to tell fortunes. I was wondering why I never saw any gypsies there.
KANSAS
In Derby it is illegal to damage vending machines. I don't care about the law. If that machine takes my dollar I am opening up a can of whoop-ass on it.
In Overland Park it is illegal to picket funerals. I guess they will have to stick to picketing weddings, birthdays and hide 'n' seek.
KENTUCKY
Any person who interferes with a public speech can be fine up to $500. That goes for crying babies as well.
It is illegal to sell dyed chicks unless you are selling more than 6 of them. It's because you have to have all the colors of the rainbow.
LOUISIANA
Fake boxing or wrestling matches are against the law. Hulk Hogan isn't going to like this.
It is illegal to make insulting remarks to a contestant at a boxing match. If he punches like a girl he is going to hear it from my megaphone.
ILLINOIS
In Galesburg it is illegal to maintain an animal that disturbs others with it's odor or noise. Fran Drescher is banned from this town.
In Galesburg it is illegal for a bicycler to practice any acrobatic or fancy riding on any street. Is riding with no hands considered fancy?
INDIANA
It is illegal to inhale glue fumes. What will the elementary school kids do at recess?
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell candy. Good thing I get my liquor at the candy store.
IOWA
Tanning salons are required to post warnings about sunburns. I am going to recommend that these warning signs be posted at the beach. People are unaware of sunburns.
In Cedar Rapids it is illegal to tell fortunes. I was wondering why I never saw any gypsies there.
KANSAS
In Derby it is illegal to damage vending machines. I don't care about the law. If that machine takes my dollar I am opening up a can of whoop-ass on it.
In Overland Park it is illegal to picket funerals. I guess they will have to stick to picketing weddings, birthdays and hide 'n' seek.
KENTUCKY
Any person who interferes with a public speech can be fine up to $500. That goes for crying babies as well.
It is illegal to sell dyed chicks unless you are selling more than 6 of them. It's because you have to have all the colors of the rainbow.
LOUISIANA
Fake boxing or wrestling matches are against the law. Hulk Hogan isn't going to like this.
It is illegal to make insulting remarks to a contestant at a boxing match. If he punches like a girl he is going to hear it from my megaphone.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Weird Laws: Part 11
Here is another dose of weird laws of the United States. I know you love them.
CONNECTICUT
In Rocky Hill it is illegal for any public place to have more than four amusement devices. WTF is an amusement device?!? That could mean anything from Go-Karts to a dildo.
In Southington it is illegal to possess silly string. Because kids mistake it for whipped cream?
DELAWARE
It is illegal for drive-in movie theaters to show R-rated movies. Dammit, when I'm having sex in the car I would like to be watching sex on the screen.
On Rehoboth Beach it is illegal to change your clothes inside your car. Does changing my socks count?
FLORIDA
All doors on public buildings must open outward. It just confuses people otherwise.
The state constitution mandates that pregnant pigs must not be kept in cages. I heard that Miss Piggy go this mandate passed with some support from Kermit and Gonzo.
GEORGIA
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal to sell two beers for the price of one. What about one beer for the price of two? Or eight beers for the price of one?
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal for anyone under the age of 16 to use any amusement machine (for example pinball) after 11 p.m. See now this law gives an example of amusement machine.
HAWAII
Most billboards are illegal. That is pretty vague. I bet they allow children to smoke on their billboards.
IDAHO
In Eagle it is illegal to camp or sleep overnight on public property. Where will all the hobos go?
In Eagle it is illegal to sweep any debris into the streets. They said nothing about mopping or brooming it into the streets.
If you want to see the other 10 weird law posts just type in 'weird laws' in the search box on the top of the page. Enjoy!
CONNECTICUT
In Rocky Hill it is illegal for any public place to have more than four amusement devices. WTF is an amusement device?!? That could mean anything from Go-Karts to a dildo.
In Southington it is illegal to possess silly string. Because kids mistake it for whipped cream?
DELAWARE
It is illegal for drive-in movie theaters to show R-rated movies. Dammit, when I'm having sex in the car I would like to be watching sex on the screen.
On Rehoboth Beach it is illegal to change your clothes inside your car. Does changing my socks count?
FLORIDA
All doors on public buildings must open outward. It just confuses people otherwise.
The state constitution mandates that pregnant pigs must not be kept in cages. I heard that Miss Piggy go this mandate passed with some support from Kermit and Gonzo.
GEORGIA
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal to sell two beers for the price of one. What about one beer for the price of two? Or eight beers for the price of one?
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal for anyone under the age of 16 to use any amusement machine (for example pinball) after 11 p.m. See now this law gives an example of amusement machine.
HAWAII
Most billboards are illegal. That is pretty vague. I bet they allow children to smoke on their billboards.
IDAHO
In Eagle it is illegal to camp or sleep overnight on public property. Where will all the hobos go?
In Eagle it is illegal to sweep any debris into the streets. They said nothing about mopping or brooming it into the streets.
If you want to see the other 10 weird law posts just type in 'weird laws' in the search box on the top of the page. Enjoy!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Weird Laws: Part X
Well I've gone through all the U.S. States once. How about I start from the beginning of the alphabet with some new laws, well not new but ones I haven't posted yet.
ALABAMA
It is illegal to pretend to be a clergyman. Even for Halloween? but that's the best costume.
It is illegal to injure yourself in order to escape duty. That's a little vague. Jury duty? Military duty? Dog duty?
ALASKA
In Anchorage, it is illegal to carry an animal on the outside of a vehicle. But my moose looks so good strapped to the front of my car.
In Haines, it is illegal to carry a concealed slingshot unless properly licensed. Damn, that's how I killed the moose.
ARIZONA
It is illegal to hunt camels. Are they just loose running around the desert?
It is illegal to manufacture or distribute any imitation controlled substance. They would rather you sell real cocaine and heroin.
ARKANSAS
In Little Rock it is illegal to honk your car's horn at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m. WTF?!?!
In Little Rock, it is illegal to suddenly start or stop your car at any drive-in restaurant. I guess you have to throw your car in neutral and push it first.
CALIFORNIA
In Chico, it is illegal to play baseball on any street, sidewalk, lane or alley. This is how stick ball was invented.
In Cathedral City it is illegal to sleep in any parked car. You can't tell me what to do Cathedral City.
COLORADO
In Alamosa it is illegal to urinate or defecate in public. This one actually makes sense, why is this one weird? Unless public restrooms are illegal too.
It is illegal to mutilate, deface, disfigure or injure any rocks, trees, shrubbery or wild flowers in a state park. How does one mutilate or disfigure a rock?
ALABAMA
It is illegal to pretend to be a clergyman. Even for Halloween? but that's the best costume.
It is illegal to injure yourself in order to escape duty. That's a little vague. Jury duty? Military duty? Dog duty?
ALASKA
In Anchorage, it is illegal to carry an animal on the outside of a vehicle. But my moose looks so good strapped to the front of my car.
In Haines, it is illegal to carry a concealed slingshot unless properly licensed. Damn, that's how I killed the moose.
ARIZONA
It is illegal to hunt camels. Are they just loose running around the desert?
It is illegal to manufacture or distribute any imitation controlled substance. They would rather you sell real cocaine and heroin.
ARKANSAS
In Little Rock it is illegal to honk your car's horn at any place where cold drinks or sandwiches are served after 9:00 p.m. WTF?!?!
In Little Rock, it is illegal to suddenly start or stop your car at any drive-in restaurant. I guess you have to throw your car in neutral and push it first.
CALIFORNIA
In Chico, it is illegal to play baseball on any street, sidewalk, lane or alley. This is how stick ball was invented.
In Cathedral City it is illegal to sleep in any parked car. You can't tell me what to do Cathedral City.
COLORADO
In Alamosa it is illegal to urinate or defecate in public. This one actually makes sense, why is this one weird? Unless public restrooms are illegal too.
It is illegal to mutilate, deface, disfigure or injure any rocks, trees, shrubbery or wild flowers in a state park. How does one mutilate or disfigure a rock?
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Weird Laws: Part NiNe
Here is the next installment of Weird laws of the United States. I wonder how many of them are still enforced today?
VIRGINIA
Radar detectors are illegal. My grandma isn't allowed in Virginia, she can smell radar from a mile away.
With the exception of raccoons it is illegal to hunt any animal on Sunday. It's because all the raccoons are Atheists.
WASHINGTON
It is illegal to spit on a bus. Even if I bring my spittoon with me?
It is illegal to use X-Rays to fit shoes. Ummm...... why?
WEST VIRGINIA
It is illegal to wear a hat inside a theater. But I just got a new stovepipe hat and I was planning on wearing it out.
If you curse in public you will be fined $1 for each offense. Can I pay ahead of time and use my curses throughout the year like a prepaid gift card?
WISCONSIN
It is illegal to serve margarine at a restaurant unless the customer requests it. I am usually only in the mood for margarine when I dine out anyway.
It is illegal to wave a burning torch around in the air. I guess the Olympics aren't ever going to Wisconsin. What do the angry mobs carry?
WYOMING
It is illegal to fish with a firearm. I find that my rocket launcher scares away the fish.
It is illegal to ski while drunk. I'm so self conscious about my skiing when I'm sober, damn you Wyoming!!
ALABAMA
It is illegal to train a bear for wrestling, or to promote bear wrestling. "Okay, I want a good, clean fight. No using your claws, no biting and try not to poop in the ring."
It is illegal to pretend to be a clergyman. But I have my Pope costume all ready for Halloween and I tricked out my car to look like the Pope Mobile too. All that work down the drain.
Go vote on the Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Round 2. Click HERE.
VIRGINIA
Radar detectors are illegal. My grandma isn't allowed in Virginia, she can smell radar from a mile away.
With the exception of raccoons it is illegal to hunt any animal on Sunday. It's because all the raccoons are Atheists.
WASHINGTON
It is illegal to spit on a bus. Even if I bring my spittoon with me?
It is illegal to use X-Rays to fit shoes. Ummm...... why?
WEST VIRGINIA
It is illegal to wear a hat inside a theater. But I just got a new stovepipe hat and I was planning on wearing it out.
If you curse in public you will be fined $1 for each offense. Can I pay ahead of time and use my curses throughout the year like a prepaid gift card?
WISCONSIN
It is illegal to serve margarine at a restaurant unless the customer requests it. I am usually only in the mood for margarine when I dine out anyway.
It is illegal to wave a burning torch around in the air. I guess the Olympics aren't ever going to Wisconsin. What do the angry mobs carry?
WYOMING
It is illegal to fish with a firearm. I find that my rocket launcher scares away the fish.
It is illegal to ski while drunk. I'm so self conscious about my skiing when I'm sober, damn you Wyoming!!
ALABAMA
It is illegal to train a bear for wrestling, or to promote bear wrestling. "Okay, I want a good, clean fight. No using your claws, no biting and try not to poop in the ring."
It is illegal to pretend to be a clergyman. But I have my Pope costume all ready for Halloween and I tricked out my car to look like the Pope Mobile too. All that work down the drain.
Go vote on the Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Round 2. Click HERE.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Weird Laws: Part 8
I know you have all been waiting for the next installment of Weird Laws of the U.S. It has been over a month since I did one of these. I love weird laws.
PENNSYLVANIA
In Bensalem it is illegal to operate Bingo games if you are a felon. Shouldn't that be on the Bingo application, if you have been convicted of a crime? Don't they screen potential operators?
In the same town it is illegal for operators of Bingo games to advertise the prizes they offer. Man, they have some strict Bingo rules in Pennsylvania. I want to know what I'm playing for.
RHODE ISLAND
It is illegal to possess a cap gun. It's because they look to much like real guns and they don't want to gun down someone with a fake gun. And making it illegal to own a real gun would just be plain silly.
It is illegal to string wire across a highway unless it is 14 feet higher than the surface. Say what?
SOUTH CAROLINA
Fortune tells must be licensed by the state. Is this where Miss Cleo went wrong?
It is illegal to work on Sunday. Who's running the churches down there?
TENNESSEE
It is illegal to bring a skunk into the state. Racist bastards!!
It is illegal to entice a child to purchase an alcoholic beverage. Hey kid, I will give you this lollipop if you go buy me a beer?
TEXAS
It is illegal to sell any of your organs. Dammit, I was told I could get $3000 for my spleen.
You must acknowledge the existence of a supreme being in order to hold a public office. I have always believed in the Spaghetti Monster. Mayoral election, here I come.
UTAH
It is illegal to sell alcohol during an emergency. What if the emergency is that there is no alcohol?
It is illegal to participate in a boxing match that allows biting. It would be too easy to make a Mike Tyson joke.
PENNSYLVANIA
In Bensalem it is illegal to operate Bingo games if you are a felon. Shouldn't that be on the Bingo application, if you have been convicted of a crime? Don't they screen potential operators?
In the same town it is illegal for operators of Bingo games to advertise the prizes they offer. Man, they have some strict Bingo rules in Pennsylvania. I want to know what I'm playing for.
RHODE ISLAND
It is illegal to possess a cap gun. It's because they look to much like real guns and they don't want to gun down someone with a fake gun. And making it illegal to own a real gun would just be plain silly.
It is illegal to string wire across a highway unless it is 14 feet higher than the surface. Say what?
SOUTH CAROLINA
Fortune tells must be licensed by the state. Is this where Miss Cleo went wrong?
It is illegal to work on Sunday. Who's running the churches down there?
TENNESSEE
It is illegal to bring a skunk into the state. Racist bastards!!
It is illegal to entice a child to purchase an alcoholic beverage. Hey kid, I will give you this lollipop if you go buy me a beer?
TEXAS
It is illegal to sell any of your organs. Dammit, I was told I could get $3000 for my spleen.
You must acknowledge the existence of a supreme being in order to hold a public office. I have always believed in the Spaghetti Monster. Mayoral election, here I come.
UTAH
It is illegal to sell alcohol during an emergency. What if the emergency is that there is no alcohol?
It is illegal to participate in a boxing match that allows biting. It would be too easy to make a Mike Tyson joke.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Weird Laws: Part Se7en
Before I show you some odd and humorous laws, I have a few announcements. First, Pat from Pat Tillett bestowed a new award on me. It is called The White Russian Award, now bask in it's glory!!
If you haven't visited Pat's blog than shame on you. It is full of great life stories and awesome pictures. Click here to go check it out, then come back to read the rest of my post.
Secondly, I wasn't even paying attention but I hit 300 posts at the beginning of this week!! Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that I was talking about my 200th post. I will post something special next week for my 300th post of awesomeness.
Now onto the next installment of The Weird Laws of the U.S.
NEW MEXICO
It is illegal for idiots to vote. This is the best law by far. So Georg W. Bush can become president but he can't vote?
In Deming it is illegal to spit on the steps of a public building. Where are the hobos suppose to hock their liquor loogies?
NEW YORK
In Sag Harbor it is illegal to disrobe in any wagon or automobile. Just robes? I can take off my pants and underwear, right?
In Sag Harbor it is illegal to bathe unless wearing a bathing suit or covering. Would a sock covering you-know-where count as a covering?
NORTH CAROLINA
It is illegal to be a professional fortune teller. Good thing I'm only an amateur and don't have my fortune teller license yet.
It is illegal to serve alcohol at a bingo game. You know how rowdy those senior citizens can be when they have had to many Irish Car Bombs.
NORTH DAKOTA
In Devils Lake it is illegal to set off fireworks after 11 p.m. What if I light the fireworks at 10:59:50 and they go off after 11, are they going to be strict about that?
OHIO
In Akron it is illegal to display colored chicks for sale. This sounds racist. I'm not sure if they mean women, chicken or peeps.
In Canton it is illegal to maintain an electrical fence. How else am I suppose to keep out all the wild ostriches?
OKLAHOMA
Until late 2006 tattoos were illegal in Oklahoma. If you got caught giving or having one, what was the sentence? Was there a fine? Jail time? Or sand blast it off?
It is illegal to promote a "horse tripping" event. Is this similar to cow tipping?
OREGON
It is illegal to test ones driving endurance on a highway. Take that Dale Earnhardt Jr.
It is illegal to leave your car door open longer than is needed. "So what are you in the slammer for? "I left my car door open 2 minutes too long, I got 6 years."
The Battle of the Game Show Hosts: Semi Finals: Round 2 needs more votes. Go vote if you haven't yet. Polls close in 2 days. Click HERE to cast your vote.
If you haven't visited Pat's blog than shame on you. It is full of great life stories and awesome pictures. Click here to go check it out, then come back to read the rest of my post.
Secondly, I wasn't even paying attention but I hit 300 posts at the beginning of this week!! Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that I was talking about my 200th post. I will post something special next week for my 300th post of awesomeness.
Now onto the next installment of The Weird Laws of the U.S.
NEW MEXICO
It is illegal for idiots to vote. This is the best law by far. So Georg W. Bush can become president but he can't vote?
In Deming it is illegal to spit on the steps of a public building. Where are the hobos suppose to hock their liquor loogies?
NEW YORK
In Sag Harbor it is illegal to disrobe in any wagon or automobile. Just robes? I can take off my pants and underwear, right?
In Sag Harbor it is illegal to bathe unless wearing a bathing suit or covering. Would a sock covering you-know-where count as a covering?
NORTH CAROLINA
It is illegal to be a professional fortune teller. Good thing I'm only an amateur and don't have my fortune teller license yet.
It is illegal to serve alcohol at a bingo game. You know how rowdy those senior citizens can be when they have had to many Irish Car Bombs.
NORTH DAKOTA
In Devils Lake it is illegal to set off fireworks after 11 p.m. What if I light the fireworks at 10:59:50 and they go off after 11, are they going to be strict about that?
OHIO
In Akron it is illegal to display colored chicks for sale. This sounds racist. I'm not sure if they mean women, chicken or peeps.
In Canton it is illegal to maintain an electrical fence. How else am I suppose to keep out all the wild ostriches?
OKLAHOMA
Until late 2006 tattoos were illegal in Oklahoma. If you got caught giving or having one, what was the sentence? Was there a fine? Jail time? Or sand blast it off?
It is illegal to promote a "horse tripping" event. Is this similar to cow tipping?
OREGON
It is illegal to test ones driving endurance on a highway. Take that Dale Earnhardt Jr.
It is illegal to leave your car door open longer than is needed. "So what are you in the slammer for? "I left my car door open 2 minutes too long, I got 6 years."
The Battle of the Game Show Hosts: Semi Finals: Round 2 needs more votes. Go vote if you haven't yet. Polls close in 2 days. Click HERE to cast your vote.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Weird Laws: Part (5x2)-4=6
Here is the next installment of the Weird Laws of the U.S
MISSOURI
In Perryville it is illegal to injure any bird within city limits. How else am I suppose to get my chicken nuggets?
It is illegal for a bar owner to let people drink on his premises between 2 am and 6 am. Sir, this flask is filled with milk, I would never think to disobey the law.
MONTANA
In Billings it is illegal to raise rats as pets. I already have 4 turtles, I was hoping one of the rats could teach them martial arts. I'd call him Splinter.
It is illegal to pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. Son, I have to kick the shit out of this dog, I'm not allowed to pretend.
NEBRASKA
It is illegal to pilot a plane while drunk. This one doesn't seem weird to me. Who is mixing normal laws in with my weird ones?
It is against the law to marry if you have an STD. Beware of all the single ladies.
NEVADA
In Reno it is illegal to lay down on a sidewalk. That is the best place to take a nap after a long night of gambling.
It is illegal to place a chair or bench on any street. I like to play musical chairs, Russian roulette style.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
It is illegal to check into a hotel under a false name. I guess I have to stop using the name Seymour Buttz.
It is illegal to take seaweed off of the beach at night. You don't want to piss off Aquaman.
NEW JERSEY
It is illegal to sell handcuffs to someone under 18. Too many kinky teenagers in Jersey.
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while murdering someone. Because that would just be totally unfair to your victim.
Go vote on the Battle of the Game Show Hosts: 3rd Round if you haven't already. It was Tuesdays post. We need more votes!!
MISSOURI
In Perryville it is illegal to injure any bird within city limits. How else am I suppose to get my chicken nuggets?
It is illegal for a bar owner to let people drink on his premises between 2 am and 6 am. Sir, this flask is filled with milk, I would never think to disobey the law.
MONTANA
In Billings it is illegal to raise rats as pets. I already have 4 turtles, I was hoping one of the rats could teach them martial arts. I'd call him Splinter.
It is illegal to pretend to abuse an animal in the presence of a minor. Son, I have to kick the shit out of this dog, I'm not allowed to pretend.
NEBRASKA
It is illegal to pilot a plane while drunk. This one doesn't seem weird to me. Who is mixing normal laws in with my weird ones?
It is against the law to marry if you have an STD. Beware of all the single ladies.
NEVADA
In Reno it is illegal to lay down on a sidewalk. That is the best place to take a nap after a long night of gambling.
It is illegal to place a chair or bench on any street. I like to play musical chairs, Russian roulette style.
NEW HAMPSHIRE
It is illegal to check into a hotel under a false name. I guess I have to stop using the name Seymour Buttz.
It is illegal to take seaweed off of the beach at night. You don't want to piss off Aquaman.
NEW JERSEY
It is illegal to sell handcuffs to someone under 18. Too many kinky teenagers in Jersey.
It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while murdering someone. Because that would just be totally unfair to your victim.
Go vote on the Battle of the Game Show Hosts: 3rd Round if you haven't already. It was Tuesdays post. We need more votes!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Weird Laws: Part 5
Here is the next installment of Weird Laws of the United States.
MAINE
In Biddeford it is illegal to gamble at an airport. Hey I bet you $500 that the 2 o'clock to St. Louis crashes in Nebraska.
In Freeport it is illegal to sell mercury thermometers. Where can I buy mercury if I wanted to make my own thermometer?
MARYLAND
In Rockville it is illegal to swim in public fountains. But bathing in them is okay, right?
In Cumberland it is illegal to swear on a playground. I drop so many F-bombs when I'm on the swings.
MASSACHUSETTS
It is illegal to serve beer to hospital patients. The children's wing parties to hard.
It is against the law for shooting ranges to have targets that look like humans. What am I going to do with all these 8 x 10's I have of George Bush?
MICHIGAN
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Too many people weren't attending church so the priests, ministers and rabbis were picketing at General Motors.
It is illegal to be drunk on a train. That's the only way I will ride the trains.
MINNESOTA
It is illegal to loiter near any structure or vehicle without the consent of the owner. Hey dude, is it okay if I chill suspiciously around your car for like 2 hours?
In Minnetonka it is illegal to throw tacks, glass or nails onto a street or sidewalk. What about "National throw sharp objects onto the street or sidewalk day?"
MISSISSIPPI
It is illegal to seduce a woman by lying and promising to marry her. Every guy in Mississippi is screwed now.
I is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. For those of you not familiar with polygamy, it is...... oops, I almost made a big mistake.
Go play The Movie Game if you didn't already. Also go vote on the Battle of the Game Show Hosts! Just scroll down to find them.
MAINE
In Biddeford it is illegal to gamble at an airport. Hey I bet you $500 that the 2 o'clock to St. Louis crashes in Nebraska.
In Freeport it is illegal to sell mercury thermometers. Where can I buy mercury if I wanted to make my own thermometer?
MARYLAND
In Rockville it is illegal to swim in public fountains. But bathing in them is okay, right?
In Cumberland it is illegal to swear on a playground. I drop so many F-bombs when I'm on the swings.
MASSACHUSETTS
It is illegal to serve beer to hospital patients. The children's wing parties to hard.
It is against the law for shooting ranges to have targets that look like humans. What am I going to do with all these 8 x 10's I have of George Bush?
MICHIGAN
It is illegal to sell cars on Sunday. Too many people weren't attending church so the priests, ministers and rabbis were picketing at General Motors.
It is illegal to be drunk on a train. That's the only way I will ride the trains.
MINNESOTA
It is illegal to loiter near any structure or vehicle without the consent of the owner. Hey dude, is it okay if I chill suspiciously around your car for like 2 hours?
In Minnetonka it is illegal to throw tacks, glass or nails onto a street or sidewalk. What about "National throw sharp objects onto the street or sidewalk day?"
MISSISSIPPI
It is illegal to seduce a woman by lying and promising to marry her. Every guy in Mississippi is screwed now.
I is illegal to teach someone what polygamy is. For those of you not familiar with polygamy, it is...... oops, I almost made a big mistake.
Go play The Movie Game if you didn't already. Also go vote on the Battle of the Game Show Hosts! Just scroll down to find them.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Weird Laws: Part IV
It's time for some amusing laws, with your host, me.
INDIANA
It is illegal to inhale glue fumes. That's no fun. What are the 5-9 year olds going to do during recess?
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell candy. Now the real question is, is a candy store allowed to sell liquor?
IOWA
Tanning salons are required to post warnings about sunburns. Underneath the warning you can choose from original or extra crispy.
In Cedar Rapids, it is illegal to tell fortunes. Is that origami game that kids play with the numbers on it that is folded up many times count? You know what I'm talking about, I don't know what that is called.
KANSAS
In Derby it is illegal to damage vending machines. If I don't get my snickers bar then that vending machine is cruisin' for a bruisin' (who's mom said this to them?).
In Overland Park it is illegal to picket funerals.I'm imagining a crowd with signs marching around the coffin chanting "burn his ass,burn his ass."
KENTUCKY
Any person who interferes with a public speech can be fined up to $500. What if it's a bad speech, can I not throw the tomatoes I brought?
It is illegal to sell dyed chicks unless you are selling more than 6 of them. Are we talking baby chickens or live women? Either way I can't afford more than 6.
LOUISIANA
Fake boxing or wrestling matches are against the law. Vince McMahon must hate Louisiana.
It is illegal to make insulting remarks to a contestant at a boxing match. How else am I going to distract him? I got a lot of money riding on that match. It best not be a fake boxing match they are talking about or someone is in trouble.
INDIANA
It is illegal to inhale glue fumes. That's no fun. What are the 5-9 year olds going to do during recess?
It is illegal for a liquor store to sell candy. Now the real question is, is a candy store allowed to sell liquor?
IOWA
Tanning salons are required to post warnings about sunburns. Underneath the warning you can choose from original or extra crispy.
In Cedar Rapids, it is illegal to tell fortunes. Is that origami game that kids play with the numbers on it that is folded up many times count? You know what I'm talking about, I don't know what that is called.
KANSAS
In Derby it is illegal to damage vending machines. If I don't get my snickers bar then that vending machine is cruisin' for a bruisin' (who's mom said this to them?).
In Overland Park it is illegal to picket funerals.I'm imagining a crowd with signs marching around the coffin chanting "burn his ass,burn his ass."
KENTUCKY
Any person who interferes with a public speech can be fined up to $500. What if it's a bad speech, can I not throw the tomatoes I brought?
It is illegal to sell dyed chicks unless you are selling more than 6 of them. Are we talking baby chickens or live women? Either way I can't afford more than 6.
LOUISIANA
Fake boxing or wrestling matches are against the law. Vince McMahon must hate Louisiana.
It is illegal to make insulting remarks to a contestant at a boxing match. How else am I going to distract him? I got a lot of money riding on that match. It best not be a fake boxing match they are talking about or someone is in trouble.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Weird Laws: Part Thrice
Here is the next installment of Weird Laws of the U.S. You should obey them.
DELAWARE
It is illegal for drive-in movie theaters to show R-rated movies. Someone might think actual aliens are coming to get them.
On Rehoboth Beach it is illegal to change your clothes inside your car. I guess after a quickie you can't swap threads.
FLORIDA
All doors on public buildings must open outward. Too many idiots don't know the difference between push and pull.
The state constitution mandates that pregnant pigs must not be kept in cages. I bet that pig PMS is the worst.
GEORGIA
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal to sell two beers for the price of one. If I was a hill billie I would picket outside of the local saloon.
It is illegal in Athens-Clarke County for anyone under the age of 16 to use any amusement machine (for example pinball) after 11 p.m. What if you are accompanied by an older nerd?
HAWAII
Most billboards are illegal. What do they mean by most? That is some vague law. That is probably written on a giant billboard.
IDAHO
In Eagle it is illegal to camp or sleep overnight on public property. Kids will never know the taste of delicious campfire S'mores.
It is illegal in Eagle to sweep any debris into the streets. That is what your neighbor's yard is for.
ILLINOIS
In Galesburg it is illegal to maintain an animal that disturbs others with it's odor or noise. I'm going to have to get rid of my rooster and get a real alarm clock if I want to live there. My pet skunk doesn't like the Chicago Bears anyway.
It is illegal in the same town for a bicycler to practice any acrobatic or fancy riding on any street. The circus is not coming to town.
DELAWARE
It is illegal for drive-in movie theaters to show R-rated movies. Someone might think actual aliens are coming to get them.
On Rehoboth Beach it is illegal to change your clothes inside your car. I guess after a quickie you can't swap threads.
FLORIDA
All doors on public buildings must open outward. Too many idiots don't know the difference between push and pull.
The state constitution mandates that pregnant pigs must not be kept in cages. I bet that pig PMS is the worst.
GEORGIA
In Athens-Clarke County it is illegal to sell two beers for the price of one. If I was a hill billie I would picket outside of the local saloon.
It is illegal in Athens-Clarke County for anyone under the age of 16 to use any amusement machine (for example pinball) after 11 p.m. What if you are accompanied by an older nerd?
HAWAII
Most billboards are illegal. What do they mean by most? That is some vague law. That is probably written on a giant billboard.
IDAHO
In Eagle it is illegal to camp or sleep overnight on public property. Kids will never know the taste of delicious campfire S'mores.
It is illegal in Eagle to sweep any debris into the streets. That is what your neighbor's yard is for.
ILLINOIS
In Galesburg it is illegal to maintain an animal that disturbs others with it's odor or noise. I'm going to have to get rid of my rooster and get a real alarm clock if I want to live there. My pet skunk doesn't like the Chicago Bears anyway.
It is illegal in the same town for a bicycler to practice any acrobatic or fancy riding on any street. The circus is not coming to town.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Weird Laws: Part Deux
Here is the next installment of weird laws of the U.S.
CALIFORNIA
In Los Angeles, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. This is like the third law about beating wives!!
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Next time I'm in California I'm hunting some Moby Dick.
In Pacific Grove, "molesting" butterflies can result in a $500 fine. How does one molest a butterfly? Is there a fine for raping butterflies?
In Pasadena, it is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Are the mousetraps locked up in a glass case with the rifles and shotguns at the store?
In Long Beach, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. We all know how hard that windmill is to putt through.
In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. As long as I can use my dirty socks.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts. They don't care if your family was raped and murdered, there is no reason to get emotional.
COLORADO
In Durango, it is illegal to go out in public dressed in clothing "unbecoming" of one's sex. No crossdressing for me there.
In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. Sleeping Beauty is so screwed if she lives there.
In Pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits. What about 'my mom had a baby and it's head popped off'?
CONNECTICUT
In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog. How are the dogs going to run for office with no education?
It is illegal to dispose used razor blades. Good thing I collect rezor blades. I'm making a razor sculptor.
In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 mph, even when going to a fire. Do you like your house medium or well done?
In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday. There will be no hanky panky at church.
CALIFORNIA
In Los Angeles, a man may legally beat his wife with a leather strap, as long as it is less than two inches wide, or she gives him permission to use a wider strap. This is like the third law about beating wives!!
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. Next time I'm in California I'm hunting some Moby Dick.
In Pacific Grove, "molesting" butterflies can result in a $500 fine. How does one molest a butterfly? Is there a fine for raping butterflies?
In Pasadena, it is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
It is illegal to set a mousetrap without a hunting license. Are the mousetraps locked up in a glass case with the rifles and shotguns at the store?
In Long Beach, it is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course. We all know how hard that windmill is to putt through.
In San Francisco, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. As long as I can use my dirty socks.
It is illegal to cry on the witness stand in Los Angeles courts. They don't care if your family was raped and murdered, there is no reason to get emotional.
COLORADO
In Durango, it is illegal to go out in public dressed in clothing "unbecoming" of one's sex. No crossdressing for me there.
In Logan County, it is illegal for a man to kiss a woman while she is asleep. Sleeping Beauty is so screwed if she lives there.
In Pueblo, it is illegal to let a dandelion grow within city limits. What about 'my mom had a baby and it's head popped off'?
CONNECTICUT
In Hartford, it is illegal to educate a dog. How are the dogs going to run for office with no education?
It is illegal to dispose used razor blades. Good thing I collect rezor blades. I'm making a razor sculptor.
In New Britain, the speed limit for fire trucks is 25 mph, even when going to a fire. Do you like your house medium or well done?
In Hartford, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sunday. There will be no hanky panky at church.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Weird Laws: Part Uno
Here is the first installment of "Weird Laws of the U.S." We will start at the beginning of the alphabet and work our way through. I hope you enjoy the odd and zany laws.
ALABAMA
In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Beating your wife with a large stick would be crazy. They only want you to bruise your wife not break any bones.
It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday. God frowns upon games played with square tiles.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. God also has a poor sense of humor. What if your real mustache causes laughter, do you have to shave it off? And what if you are playing Jesus in a play?
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. Good thing I was only peppering the tracks, I'd be in big trouble.
ALASKA
In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. Some of those moose are in Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't want to ruin their sobriety streak.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bears for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. How else am I going to get that picture with Yogi and Boo Boo? It's bad enough the ranger is always hassling me about it.
ARIZONA
In Tuscon, it is illegal for women to wear pants. What could be the reasoning behind this one? Make it easier to have all the babies?
In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American. I would think it would be hard to play cards with anyone in the street regardless of their ethnicity or nationality. Maybe the Native American needs to be incorporated as a casino first.
In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. I wonder how their parking lots are set up?
In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders. One of them finally makes sense! Suspenders should be illegal, they are hideous and for some reason only out-of-shape nerds wear them.
ARKANSAS
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. I think someone from Alabama helped them out with this law. You better make that beating a good one, you have to wait until next month if you're not satisfied. Can I beat my wife on the 31st of January and then again the next day on February 1st?
Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit thier pay raises. The librarian look is out, get with the new style.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. "Dude I wasn't flirting, I was just trying to pick up this hooker."
ALABAMA
In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Beating your wife with a large stick would be crazy. They only want you to bruise your wife not break any bones.
It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday. God frowns upon games played with square tiles.
It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. God also has a poor sense of humor. What if your real mustache causes laughter, do you have to shave it off? And what if you are playing Jesus in a play?
Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. Good thing I was only peppering the tracks, I'd be in big trouble.
ALASKA
In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. Some of those moose are in Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't want to ruin their sobriety streak.
While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bears for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. How else am I going to get that picture with Yogi and Boo Boo? It's bad enough the ranger is always hassling me about it.
ARIZONA
In Tuscon, it is illegal for women to wear pants. What could be the reasoning behind this one? Make it easier to have all the babies?
In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American. I would think it would be hard to play cards with anyone in the street regardless of their ethnicity or nationality. Maybe the Native American needs to be incorporated as a casino first.
In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. I wonder how their parking lots are set up?
In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders. One of them finally makes sense! Suspenders should be illegal, they are hideous and for some reason only out-of-shape nerds wear them.
ARKANSAS
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. I think someone from Alabama helped them out with this law. You better make that beating a good one, you have to wait until next month if you're not satisfied. Can I beat my wife on the 31st of January and then again the next day on February 1st?
Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit thier pay raises. The librarian look is out, get with the new style.
Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. "Dude I wasn't flirting, I was just trying to pick up this hooker."
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