Monday, May 15, 2017

How are you?

This phrase/greeting has always bothered me. How so you ask? Well, I work in a retail/customer service job and I talk to about 150 to 200 people a day. That is a lot of 'how are yous' to listen to and say. I just don't like as a society that we have replaced the simple hello/hi to an unrealistic obligation. When people say this phrase to me they could care less about how I am actually doing. They are just following the social norms. What they really mean is hi but for some reason unbeknownst to me they would rather stick me with a question to answer.

If you ask me how I am, I am not going to give you the typical 'good, how are you' response. I am going to throw you off by saying something like; I'm tired or hungry or maybe a little horny. But you don't really care how I am and frankly nor do I care how you are doing. Can't we just say 'what's up instead. It is much more low key and does not elicit an actual response to the question. You can merely just say what's up right back.

If you really want to engage in conversation maybe change up your opening. How about: How is your day going so far? or How is the family doing? or What are your plans for the weekend? or Did you get rid of that rash yet?

Over the years my mother has perfected the How are you response into one word: goodnu. Long version: Good and how are you? I am thinking she doesn't give a shit either and that is where I probably get it from. Or maybe I am just a cynical asshole.

Friday, May 12, 2017

Gyno or bank teller?

Recently I did a post on things a bank teller would say that would be weird coming from your gynecologist. Someone requested that I do it the other way so here are things a gynecologist might say that would be weird coming from your bank teller.

'You can take your pants off now'

'When was your last period?'

'After examining you, I believe you have a yeast infection'

'This might pinch a little'

'Do your breasts ever get sore?'

'Have you always had this mole?'

'Do you plan on getting pregnant anytime soon?'

'There is some blood but that is perfectly normal'

'That's herpes alright'

'Some of them do have an unpleasant odor'

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Random Thoughts and Junk

How are we growing seedless watermelons without the seeds from the watermelon to grow them? That's like women giving birth without any eggs in their ovaries. Are these watermelons being artificially inseminated?

I learned that peanuts are used in the making of dynamite. Are people that are allergic to peanuts able to handle dynamite? "No, it wasn't the dynamite that killed him, it was his peanut allergy."

If the Hulk cut off Thor's hand, could he pick up the hammer using Thor's hand? Also if Thor is holding the hammer can the Hulk pick him up?

Do you know that the average cloud weighs 1.1 million pounds? I bet you are Googling that to see if it is true. I'll wait......... blew your mind didn't it?

When is the last time someone heard a car alarm going off and thought the car was being stolen? Let's do away with the car alarm, it doesn't work.

Are the flowers that bees are pollinating consenting to being pollinated? Or is it flower rape?