Monday, January 25, 2021

More capes!!!

 

This was one of my original posts from 2009. I wanted to bring capes back in style. I had some ideas for stylish and multipurpose capes. You can read the original HERE.

I figured I would bring it back and come up with some new cape ideas.


Robe cape - You can finally wear your robe outside of the house without feeling weird.

Teleportation cape - Boring conversation with the in-laws? Not anymore.

Invisibility cape - Very popular amongst burglars.

Insult deflection cape - #1 seller to stand-up comics and female teens.

Edible cape - You never know when you will need a snack.

Hammock cape - Stylish and comfortable.

Auto-defense cape - Has an electric current running thru it to shock rapists and muggers

Air conditioned cape - In the summer so you can still rock the cape.

Charging station cape - Has several ports for all your electronics.

Speaker cape - Connect your phone or ipod for surround sound. 

Spare pants cape - You never know when you are going to need a pair.

Disposable cape - Comes in many different colors.

Chair cape - Becomes rigid for when you just need a rest.

Sports cape - Display your favorite sports team

Resistant band cape - Use it to exercise





Monday, January 18, 2021

Pillsbury Doughboy: Facts

 

15 Facts you didn't know about the Pillsbury Doughboy


  1. He has a Master's Degree from Harvard Business School
  2. His real name is Arturo Rambo Hamburgerton
  3. His celebrity crush is Cher
  4. His contract with Pillsbury states that he is required to take 1 million pokes to the belly
  5. He was the original spokesman for Snuggles but became allergic to the detergent    
  6. He is 58 years old
  7. He is Jewish but idolizes the Buddha
  8. There has been a documentary in the works for 20 years
  9. Got a Trump tattoo on a dare
  10. Is obsessed with pickles. Has a pickle with every meal
  11. Has a 3rd functional arm growing out of his head under that hat
  12. To make ends meet in his twenties he sold Amway
  13. He has an estranged son with Flo from Progressive
  14. He is banned from Twitter
  15. He holds the Guinness World Record for most paper clips eaten in 10 minutes; 419

Monday, January 11, 2021

Failed Hess truck cncepts


Popemobile

1990's era Minivan

Clown car

Oscar Mayer Wiener Truck

Hearse

Cement Truck

Horse & Wagon

Segway

Any car from 'Pimp My Ride'

Unmarked windowless Van

Challenger Space Shuttle

John Deere Tractor

Forklift

Radio Flyer Red Wagon

Shopping Cart



Thursday, October 8, 2020

7 Dwarfs - Behind the Scenes



Have you ever wondered where the 7 Dwarfs got their names? Now you know!!


Happy - Every time he comes out of the shower he has a giant smile on his face.

Dopey - Before being told how to do it, he used to wipe before he pooped.

Grumpy - Has an incredibly small penis and suffers from erectile dysfunction

Sleepy - Diagnosed with Narcolepsy at birth

Bashful - Needs to be drunk in order to talk to women

Sneezy - Is allergic to cocaine. And has a small cocaine problem.

Doc - Is obsessed with the show House. Has a Hugh Laurie tattoo on his thigh.

Tuesday, June 9, 2020

Write Something





Anyone else feel drained of creative juices? I have 55 drafts/ideas but my brain doesn't want to cooperate. Plus these damn kids are wearing me out. When I finally sit down to write I am exhausted, mentally and physically. Coffee isn't doing the job it used to do. 

I am not complaining. I just wanted to write something instead of staring at the computer screen. I haven't ranted in awhile. Seemed like a good time. Ummm... I don't have anything else to rant about. Well that was a big waste of time. 

I know why men have nipples but I am not telling you. 


Wednesday, May 27, 2020

Failed inventions


Edible soap

Reusable toilet paper

Reversible diapers

Chicken flavored turkey

Non-alcoholic Whiskey

Coffee flavored milk

Glow in the dark bra

Magnetic coins

The O.J. Simpson Trial Video Game

Rape Whistle App

Communist Monopoly

Bacon scented deodorant

Pet Fish flea collar

Fireproof coffin

Cat nail polish

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Discontinued Road Signs



Slow, Adults Drinking

Fallen Crack Pipe Zone

Stop, Hammer Time

Do Not Enter, unless your're an asshole

Polar Bear Crossing

Caution: Slippery when moist

Active Volcano Area

Road Work Ahead. Prepare to be annoyed

Yield to Podiatrists

Stop sign sign ahead

Left turns only between the hours of 1pm & 3pm on the 1st and 3rd Tuesday

Speed Limit 69