Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Battle of the .......

It's back!!! No, not the McRib, that's only available in Mongolia now. It's been a year and a half since a battle has been fought on this blog. It is time to bring back the fun and games. Get ready for the start of The Battle of the Fast Food Mascots!!! The rules are simple; 8 mascots will go head to head until there is only one left standing or kneeling or sitting in a rocking chair or whatever the case may be. Each week 2 mascots will duel against each other and the winner will move onto the next round. There will be 4 beginning rounds then 2 semi final rounds and then the final battle to crown the winner. I will have a poll on the left side of the blog to tally the scores.

But first YOU have to decide who you want to see in the ring. I present you with 12 fast food chains accompanied by their respective mascot (some may be retired but they came back to do battle). You must pick 8 out of the 12 you want to see duke it out. There is a voting poll on the left side of the blog. You are welcome to leave a fascinating comment but please cast your vote by using the poll box. Remember to pick only 8. Picking less or more will result in a hitman coming to your house and killing your goldfish.

If you have never experienced a battle here on Just the Cheese. I highly recommend clicking HERE to check one out. You won't regret it. Go ask Rawknrobyn or Alex J. Cavanaugh, they will back me up on this. At least I hope they will or that $50 I bribed them with is going to waste.

The Mascots:

Mcdonald's - Ronald Mcdonald
Wendy's - Wendy
Burger King - The King
Jack in the Box - Jack
Taco Bell - Chihuahua
KFC - Colonel Sanders
Bobs Big Boy - Big Boy
Subway - Jared
Little Caesar's -Pizza Pizza Guy
Chick-Fil-A - The Cow
Long John Silver's - The Pirate
Carl's Jr. - The Star

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Not Myself Lately

Rarely do I write anything serious but I would like to take a minute to be completely honest. Last week I was not myself. I was fine on Sunday, I watched football and wrote my normal, hilarious blog post. From Monday to Thursday I felt angry and depressed. I went to sleep anxious and woke up miserable. I dreaded going to work and hated every minute I was there. Every customer annoyed the crap out of me for some reason. I even broke down and cried at work on Thursday. I barely knew why it happened. It was uncontrollable too like a whole bunch of stuff was bottled in and it needed to get out. Normally after I have a good cry I feel better but I didn't feel that much different after this time. I was still in a bad mood the rest of the day. I eventually got over what was bothering me and was my normal self by Friday.

I tried to figure out what was bothering me and came up with a few conclusions but couldn't narrow it down completely. I think I might have been going through male menopause. It was just random emotion that I could not control. Nothing could put me in a good mood, I couldn't even blog, that is how bad it was. Let's hope I don't have a nervous breakdown again any time soon.

I really fell behind in my blogging responsibilities. I was doing so well then I got sick and then this shit happened. I'm ready for a fresh start this week. I have a lot of good things planned. I am trying to get back to my roots. I was reading some old posts of mine from 2010 and I was literally laughing out loud from them. I never realized how hilarious I am. I was reading my Battle of the Cereal Mascots posts. If you haven't read them, I highly recommend that you do so. There were 7 battles in total. It felt good to laugh at what I had written and got me all juiced up to want to write. I plan on resurrecting my Battle posts. Stay tuned for one to happen real soon.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Celebrity Survey

I mailed out a questionnaire to a bunch of random celebrities. Surprisingly, a lot of people responded to it. Here are some answers I picked.

I asked: What is your favorite dinosaur?

Larry King wrote: My Uncle Brontosaurus.

Snooki wrote: A Birdadactyl.

Snoop Dogg wrote: A Velici-rap-tor.

I asked: How do you feel about Immigration?

John Leguizamo wrote: If the INS is asking, I'm on vacation in Mexico.

Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote: It's not a tumor!

Dick Cheney wrote: Ask my shotgun.

I asked: If you were stranded on a deserted island what one possession would you want with you?

Bill Cosby wrote: Jell-O pudding pops.

Jennifer Aniston wrote: The mold that I made of Brad Pitt's penis.

Flavor Flav wrote: A sundial

I asked: What one word comes to mind to describe Barack Obama?

Conan O'brien wrote: Black

Lisa Lampanelli wrote: Sexy.

Mitt Romney wrote: Asshole.

I asked: What is you most embarrassing story?

Al Roker wrote: I have shit my pants at the White House, the Waffle House and the McDonalds Play House.

Katie Holmes wrote: I married Tom Cruise thinking he was straight.

Richard Gere wrote: Let's just say it involved a gerbil, a condom, some peanut butter and lots of K-Y.

I asked: What one celebrity have you always wanted to sleep with?

Tom Arnold wrote: The Olsen twins when they were still on Full House

John Travolta wrote: Myself.

Rosie O'donnell wrote: Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil in a three way.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Sick Days

I have been sick for the past week so my brain is a pile of goop. It is difficult to pull creativity out of goop. I felt like I had some creative juices an hour ago but then I sat down to write and nothing was there. I apologize for my brief absence from your blogs and promise to catch up once my brain and body return to a healthier state. I will leave you with a few random thoughts to ponder.

Why do video game consoles (PS3, Xbox, Wii) and blu-ray players come with non-HD cables to connect to the tv? Who has a non-HD tv nowadays that they are playing a PS3 on?

Do Zombies poop?

Did Luigi and Princess Peach ever hook up?

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My 2013 Resolutions

Since it is still the beginning of the new year I thought I would share my resolutions. Some I have every year and some new ones pop up every so often.

1) No sex with Rosie O'donnell - Unbroken for 9 years in a row.

2) Eat more bacon - Gets easier to do every year.

3) Quit masturbating for a whole year - Gets broken every year, made it 3 days this year.

4) Avoid eye contact with squirrels - About 4 years ago I got into an altercation with one over a nut.

5) Lose weight - I do that every time I go #2.

6) Learn how to play the didgeridoo - I put this on my list last year, I still don't know what it looks like.

7) Buy the Trix Rabbit a box of Trix cereal - I think he deserves it.

8) Find buried treasure - Should I speak with a pirate or leprechaun about this one?

9) Invent time travel - This one has been on the list since 1997. Deloreans are really expensive.

10) Shave Justin Bieber's head while he's sleeping - We can do this one as a team.

11) Get Drew Carey fired and Bob Barker back on The Price is Right - It's the right thing to do.

12) Play Sim City all the way through without using cheats - I'm not sure it can be done.

13) Yell "penis" really loud at the movie theater - I have chickened out for the past 3 years.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Product Labels, what you should know

Do you ever read the warning labels on products? Here are some you probably missed.

Microwave - Radiation may cause infertility, cancer or superhuman abilities.

Plastic Fruit - Don't attempt to eat, you fucking dumb-ass, it's plastic!!

Planter's Peanuts - Allergy Warning: May contain traces of peanuts.

Antifreeze - Do not attempt to defrost your meat with this product.

Toaster - Do not use product while taking a bath.

Crest Toothpaste - May cause gingivitis.

Cinnabon - Will most likely cause Diabetes.

Trojan Condoms - Wear two if you think she has the clap.

Chapstick - Highly addictive, may lead to intravenous drug use.

Axe Body Spray - Contains a 3% chance of getting you laid.

Craftsman Power Drill - Not recommended to use for home dentistry.

John Deere Tractor - Frequent use may lead to hillbillyism.

Always Tampons with wings - Not designed for real flight.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Celebrity New Year's Resolutions

I asked a bunch of celebrities what they wanted to finally do in 2013. Here are their answers.

Lindsay Lohan - "I want to finally get my driver's license."

Tom Cruise - "I want to ask out that cute waiter at Applebees."

Arnold Schwarzenegger - "I want to pick things up and put them down."

Charlie Sheen - "I need to be more of an asshole."

Wilfred Brimley - "To tell the truth and reveal that I don't have the Diabeetus."

Rachel Ray - "Stop stealing recipes from Guy Fieri."

Trix Rabbit - "Stop chasing kids around and just buy a box of Trix at the grocery store."

Bob Barker - "Hire that hitman to kill Drew Carey."

Lorenzo - "Travel back in time and get Snooki an abortion."

Eddie Murphy - "Learn how to be funny again."

Bill Clinton - "Talk to Bob Barker about putting a hit on Hilary."

Justin Bieber - "To wear that dress in public and finally come out of the closet."

Matthew McConaughey - "Make a movie people want to watch."

Oprah Winfrey - "Lay around in my bathrobe everyday, I'm Oprah rich, bitch."