Monday, January 21, 2013

Celebrity Survey

I mailed out a questionnaire to a bunch of random celebrities. Surprisingly, a lot of people responded to it. Here are some answers I picked.

I asked: What is your favorite dinosaur?

Larry King wrote: My Uncle Brontosaurus.

Snooki wrote: A Birdadactyl.

Snoop Dogg wrote: A Velici-rap-tor.

I asked: How do you feel about Immigration?

John Leguizamo wrote: If the INS is asking, I'm on vacation in Mexico.

Arnold Schwarzenegger wrote: It's not a tumor!

Dick Cheney wrote: Ask my shotgun.

I asked: If you were stranded on a deserted island what one possession would you want with you?

Bill Cosby wrote: Jell-O pudding pops.

Jennifer Aniston wrote: The mold that I made of Brad Pitt's penis.

Flavor Flav wrote: A sundial

I asked: What one word comes to mind to describe Barack Obama?

Conan O'brien wrote: Black

Lisa Lampanelli wrote: Sexy.

Mitt Romney wrote: Asshole.

I asked: What is you most embarrassing story?

Al Roker wrote: I have shit my pants at the White House, the Waffle House and the McDonalds Play House.

Katie Holmes wrote: I married Tom Cruise thinking he was straight.

Richard Gere wrote: Let's just say it involved a gerbil, a condom, some peanut butter and lots of K-Y.

I asked: What one celebrity have you always wanted to sleep with?

Tom Arnold wrote: The Olsen twins when they were still on Full House

John Travolta wrote: Myself.

Rosie O'donnell wrote: Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil in a three way.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Not the gerbil story!!

klahanie said...

Ah, Mr. Powdered Toast type dude,

I do not know who these 'celebrities' are. I see no mention of your favourite celebrity, Justin Bieber! Did he not respond to you?

Penny the Jack Russell dog and the next 'Paw Minister' of Britain!

Mark said...

I'm pretty sure those embarrassing stories are actually true...I still feel really bad for that hamster.

Chuck said...

Just when my therapist proclaimed me cured of the nightmares caused by Gere and le gerbil and the "tube" have to dredge it all back up again!!

I think Jennifer meant she wanted me not the Pitt mold.

Funny and original...two things that are usually the first to go once you are married...ha ha ha!!

Adam said...

I like the Roker one

Baby Sister said...

Oh, I'll go with Bill so I can steal some Jell-O pudding pops!!

DWei said...

That Rosie O'Donnell one is fake. Everyone knows she's a lesbian. :|

Al Penwasser said...

Hugh Hefner...?
Cause if that old bastard can still get himself some, then there's hope for me. said...

The last two responses really crack me up. The third from the last is sick and twisted. I'm beginning to think you made all but one of these up, though. The Richard Gere one's authentic, right?


Pat Tillett said...

I wonder if Richard Gere has ever actually commented, or better yet, taken a lie detector test related to that little furry and kinky mammal.
Probably not...
Funny stuff!

A Beer for the Shower said...

Barack Obama acts way too white for Lisa Lampanelli's liking. Plus, he's only half black, so I'm sure he's only half attractive to her.

Also, you could abbreviate Katie Holmes' statement to "I married Tom Cruise" and it would still be embarrassing.

Workingdan said...

Poor Richard Gere! Was once a stud to women now just a playhouse for gerbils!