IHop Review Repost

I am not feeling very creative today so I am reposting something from 2010 that you probably haven't read. Enjoy.

The International House of Pancakes isn't as international as you think it would be. Locations outside of the United States only include Canada and Mexico. That is what I found when I went on their website. They will go global someday but I guess I will cross off IHop as an eating option when I travel abroad.

Nicole and I dined at the 'hop last Friday afternoon. I wish it had been my first experience there so I could give you a first time review but that will happen eventually with some other establishment.

Nicole ordered the stuffed french toast (I think, don't quote me on it) and I got the new country loaded potatoes with a side order of Nutella crepes. They looked so tasty on the menu that I couldn't resist. Let me tell you, the potatoes were out of this world, they had monterey jack and cheddar cheese, cut up bacon pieces, green peppers, onions and sour cream. I like to add a little ketchup for added flavor. Ketchup is the shit and that's how I roll. The crepes on the other hand weren't as great. The menu said (as if the menu could talk, if it could I imagine the voice of James Earl Jones) it had Nutella filling with bananas, nuts and a strawberry topping. The bananas and strawberries were delicious but there wasn't enough Nutella. I think we got gipped, I was a little disappointed, there were a few tears.

I had also ordered a new coffee they have cooked up, there were a few tasty flavors to choose from but I went with a favorite: french vanilla. The java was served in like a soup bowl and it was heavenly. I wish I had spent more time drinking the coffee than eating the Nutella-less crepes. SIDE BAR: I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where the Dominicans that Kramer hires start working at the crepe place and they roll them too tight and everybody gets burned with hot fruit sauce. This new coffee wasn't their regular brew, it was magical and I was drinking it like it had cocaine in it (I just assume that I would be be immediately addicted, for the record I have never experience cocaine. I need to get that out for it might hurt my future presidency).

WAITRESS THOUGHTS:

Oh look, I actually got a table.... this place is like the frickin' Sahara today.

They better leave a good tip. I have such bad PMS and I will burn this mother down.

They want all that plus an order of crepes? I'm not calling 911 when they both have heart attacks.

Why is he putting ketchup on his potatoes? Does he realize that they aren't french fries? Dude, this isn't Mickey D's.

I just ripped one, do they smell it yet? I think I better check my panties.

I need a cigarette so bad. Why don't you just leave, stop stuffing your faces and leave already!!

I'm starving, I wonder what they would do if I just sat down and started to eat their food?

Looks like they're done...I'll take his plate...oh...he wants to keep it?...Why?...there are only two crumbs on it.

Is he gonna lick the plate clean? I hope not....we didn't even wash the plates.

Now he wants me to take his plate when I just asked him like 30 seconds ago...arghh! I hate my job!

If they order something I else, I will stab them both in the eye with their forks.

I bet he's gay.

Did she just pick up the check? What a cheap fucking bastard. That ring better be real or he's in trouble.

Screw it, I'm going on break, they don't pay me enough to wait on these people. I'll send the new girl over to send them on their way.

Resume review. It used to be that you would pay the cashier on your way out but we had to pay our server this time but the register is still there, WTF? And we saw somebody paying the cashier on our way in. I don't understand. This was definitely my best experience at IHop. The food was phenomenal and the new coffee is exquisite. I don't care that I probably gained 10 pounds, it was all worth it. One of the things I realized is that you really can't take breakfast leftovers home, everything is covered in syrup or ketchup. You have to be committed to eat what you get. I give IHop a full stomach. I'm making that the equivalent of 5 stars.

If you have never eaten at an IHop then you should be ashamed of yourself. Go right now, a lot of them are open 24/7. You know you want a short stack at 3 am. I want to thank Golden Girl (who is my fiance Nicole) for helping me with this post. She came up with most of the waitress thoughts.

Pizza Pizza

Well you may or may not know but Pizza Hut has come out with a new pizza, a stuffed crust pizza with hot dogs. That's right, the pizza crust is stuffed with hot dogs. Whether you like or dislike the idea is besides the point. The important thing is that I was able to infiltrate Pizza Hit headquarters and steal the stuffed crust brainstorming folder. Here are the ideas that launched and failed or never make it off the drawing board.

STUFFED CRUST IDEAS

• Tuna Fish
• Jelly Beans
• Butter
• Maple Syrup
• Lucky Charms
• Jello Pudding
• Sushi
• Brussel Sprouts
• General Tso's Chicken
• Salt
• Cocaine
• Cole Slaw
• Pumpkin Pie Filling
• Bubble Gum
• Fruit Roll Ups
• Live Worms
• Helium
• Pop Rocks
• Raisins
• Tooth Paste
• Coffee

I have to say, that Jello Pudding idea doesn't seem that bad.

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Where's the Bacon?

Have you noticed that everything has bacon in it now? Here is a list of foods that you might see bacon in soon. Keep a look out next time you are at the grocery store.

Cereal – Instead of Cap’n Crunch Berries there will be tiny bacon balls.

Yogurt – Dannon will be unveiling a new line called ‘bacon on the bottom’.

Toothpaste – Nothing like the fresh breath of bacon without having to eat it.

Butter – Why not a spreadable bacon?

Bagels – Bacon, egg and cheese will be easier to make without the hassle of cooking the bacon.

Soda – I heard a rumor that Pepsi is tinkering with the idea.

Chicken – Scientists are crossbreeding pigs and chickens to create chigs (or pickens, they haven’t decided on the name yet) KFC’s stock will jump tremendously.

Ketchup – I’m going to patent this one. Sound delicious.

Maple Syrup – If we can flavor it with fruit why not bacon? Coming soon to your local IHOP.

Peanut Butter – Why hasn’t anyone thought of it before? I want some now!!

Coffee – I add salt instead of sugar anyway.

Cookies – Chocolate chip and bacon Chips Ahoy coming soon.

Cough Drops – Ever just suck on a piece of bacon for an hour? Mmmm

Pickled Bacon – If they can pickle pig’s feet, why not bacon?

BBQ Review

Last week Nicole graduated from the LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse) program at BOCES. Now I can put her to work so I can buy that pony I never got as a kid. To celebrate, her family and I went out to dinner at a new BBQ place, American BBQ and 151 Bar & Grill. I was super excited because I don’t often go out for bbq; there aren’t many places around where I live.

This joint has a nice homey feeling and we were seated at a big comfy booth in the corner. I was salivating just looking over the menu which had a nice variety. What’s awesome is Nicole’s dad loves to eat and he usually orders a lot of food. This night was no exception. For our appetizers we started off with some corn fritters. We got two orders. The waitress said each order came with about 10 each but there had to be at least 15 in each order. I’ve had some pretty good corn fritters before but these were phenomenal. I would like to use the term melt in your mouth. I’m thinking about stopping by after work just for an order of those bad boys.

I probably don’t even need to tell you the rest of the food we got; you probably want to go just based on the corn fritters. We also got nachos but these weren’t any old nachos, they were topped with pulled pork, yes you read that right, pulled pork. I added some chipotle bbq sauce and jalapenos to the ones I ate. I might have to put some bbq sauce on my keyboard and take a bite just to get a fix right now. Oh yeah, there was also a salad bar with all the fixings but I can’t make salad sound better than it is so I will move on to the main course.

We ordered what was called the 151 Feast. It came with a smoked chicken, brisket, pulled pork, ribs and four sides that we got to pick. We chose homemade mac ‘n’ cheese, collard greens, biscuits & gravy and sweet potato tater tots (which I have never heard of or seen before). I have never had smoked chicken before this night. It had such a great flavor to it. The brisket and pulled pork were of course delicious. The ribs, oh my, the ribs, fell clean off the bone, so tender. I added bbq sauce to everything cuz I love me some bbq sauce. Nicole also got a burger that was topped with pulled pork, genius!! I’m going to put pulled pork on my cereal and see how it tastes; it seems it can be put on anything.

To wash down all this deliciousness I had a Sam Adams Summer Ale. We were so stuffed that we couldn’t fit in any dessert but we have to got back for some because they had something called fried cheesecake, intrigued? I know I am. There were so many leftovers, which is one of the best parts of eating out, right? I ate bbq for the next two days for lunch. The aroma of it cooking in the microwave was almost orgasmic.

Not only was the food out of this world but the waitress was super friendly and very attentive; it may have been because we were like the only people there. I hate tipping because I am a cheap-ass but I would of tipped extra for her (Nicole’s father picked up the tab, mmmm free food). Great service just makes the dining experience that much better. I don’t think I can think of anything I didn’t like about the place. I am definitely planning on going back again real soon. Now wipe the drool off your keyboard so you can leave me a comment regarding your jealousy.

Another IHOP Adventure

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 I feel that every IHOP should be open 24 hours because who hasn’t gotten the craving for pancakes at 3 in the morning. And since pancakes are so difficult to make I’m relieved that I can purchase them from an “International” affiliated institute.

Nicole and I went to dine at IHOP before we saw The Hangover Part 2 (which was very funny and worth seeing if you are at all wondering, maybe I will do a review of it, don’t hold me to it). If I didn't mention it in the last IHOP post, you have to try the cinnamon roll french toast or pancakes. They are delectable. Never mind if you are on a diet, use IHOP as your cheat day. Tell them Powdered Toast Man sent you, they will give you their best seat and an extra strip of bacon. There was only one waitress working at the time and these are her thoughts during the night.

Waitress' Thoughts

“I guess he can’t taste the spit in his coffee. That is 37 in a row without being caught”

“I love bacon, someone should make a bacon drink, I would buy that”

“I wonder if that woman’s boobs are real. Would she be offended if I asked?”
 “Why is it called International House of Pancakes? Are there IHOPs in other countries? Do they ship the pancake batter in from Europe?”

“If that guy doesn’t stop staring at my ass I am going to stab him in the eye with a fork”

“I should of had an abortion”

“Shovel down another sausage link you fat piece of shit”

“I’m going to put a warning in the menu that says ‘May cause diabetes’ with a picture of Wilfred Brimley’s face”

“I can’t believe I have a master’s degree and I’m serving people scrambled eggs and coffee for a living”

“I should have taken that job to do amateur porn”

“Is Bob Barker still alive?”

“All employees must wash hands before returning to work…….except me”

Wrap Review

Have you ever eaten something so delicious that you thought about it for the next few days? It recently happened to me. When something is really tasty I act like Adam Richman from Man vs. Food. I would love to have his job. Eating for a living has to be one of the coolest jobs to have. I get so hungry watching his show. I want to travel across the U.S. and eat everywhere he has eaten. I am getting a little off track here.

At Nicole's house there are usually flour tortilla wraps and I love a good wrap. Usually my expectations are high for the wraps that I make but they are never as good as I hoped they would be....until now. I will just list the ingredients and you can decide for yourself.

- Jalapeno cheddar flavored tortilla wrap
- baked chicken but into pieces
- Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce (This stuff is phenomenal and I put it on everything)
- Extra sharp cheddar cheese
- Monterey jack cheese with jalapenos
- Red peppers
- Green peppers
- Jalapeno slices

I suck at actually wrapping up the wraps, I can never get the ends to close right. I have Nicole wrap it for me because she knows the proper technique (she must have taken a wrap wrapping class or something). What's cool is that the jalapeno cheddar wrap was a little thicker than the normal ones so it didn't crack and held the same shape. It was lightly toasted in a toaster oven until it was sealed. I forget how long it was in there for but it achieved the perfect crispiness and everything was sealed in there, nothing was spilling out the sides.

Oh the first bite was so delectable. A perfect mix of cheese, spice and sweet (I am salivating on the keyboard as I type this). After eating half of it I thought about framing it in a display case for all to see and bask in its glory but that would be wasting a perfectly good wrap. I hate wasted food. How it tasted was almost orgasmic (I had to check my pants to make sure, they were a little moist). If only I could have cloned it before I ate it so that I could enjoy it again. It was by far the best wrap I had ever made. I am in the process of building a time machine so I can go back and enjoy it over and over again. I can't seem to find a flux capacitor though, anyone have one lying around?
 
As an added bonus I got to eat the other half of Nicole's wrap. Not as good as mind but still pretty tasty. Her wrap didn't have the spice mine did. I hope to make-shift another wrap in hopes it tastes the same. Wish me luck. To the Bat Kitchen!!

Speed Reviewing

I have some things to review but they each don't need their own post so I decided to review them all in one post. I call it Speed Reviewing (sort of like speed dating without the awkwardness).

McDonalds McRib - I ate this a few months ago when it was all the rage. All the cool kids were doing it so I had to jump on the bandwagon (I decided that's what I'm naming my band if the name isn't taken already). I was very disappointed. It did not taste magical at all. There were no fireworks, leprechauns or unicorns around when I took my first bite. There was barely any sauce (and I loves me some bbq sauce). For some reason there were pickles on it. Spongebob must have fallen asleep at the grill and though it was a hamburger. It tasted okay but for what I was expecting it did not satisfy. As a side note the french fries tasted old and stale.

Gentleman Jack (Jack Daniels rare whiskey) - I asked for this for Christmas from Nicole and like the obedient fiance she is, she got it for me (quite down you women's rights activists, I was only joking about the obedient part). I have always been a fan of Jack and his whiskey. Jack and coke is a combo I can always count on when I need a little liquor in my system. It came with this cool coffin-like carrying case (for the drunk on-the-go). I decided to try it straight up because I assumed that is what it is meant for. After it burned a hole in my esophagus I decided that I'm too much of a pussy to drink it straight up. I have tried it mixed with Coke, diet Coke and cherry Dr Pepper. Surprisingly the diet Coke tasted the best and was the smoothest. I didn't put a lot of Jack in it to overpower it. The Dr Pepper was the worst mix because it didn't mix. When I drank it I first tasted the soda then the Jack. You suck Dr Pepper and I bet you're not even a real doctor.

 


Blue Point Blueberry Ale - I already know what you are thinking - Blueberry beer? That's gay! That is a screwed up thing to think, shame on you all. I found this brew in Virginia Beach when Nicole and I went on vacation over the summer. I meant to write about it in my vacay posts but I never finished those so I bring it to you now. We went to a new tavern in town and they had a lot of micro brews on tap so I said what the hey. I normally don't drink beer but something inside of me yearned for it. Once I brought the mug to my face the aroma of juicy, fresh blueberries tickled my nose hairs. I was hooked from the first sip. It was delicious. It wasn't too heavy and went down nice and smooth unlike other beers I have had. After I gulped this down I made a mistake. I ordered a sampler of five other beers in shot glasses. None of them compared to the taste of the Blue Point. After the sampler I didn't want another beer. First chance I got when I got home I went in search of the Blueberry Ale. I found it at a semi-local beer distributor. I liked it the second time around but it hasn't tasted as good as the first one I had. I came to find out on the way to a friend's house that it is sold at A&P Supermarkets. Whoopee!! I thought it was an unknown micro brew. If you like blueberries then I highly recommend this ale. The aroma is stronger than the taste.


'Just the Cheese' Blog - Hilarious, awesome and buttery. That Powdered Toast Man can sure deliver some laughs. Remember that time he said 'penis'? Classic.

Okay maybe these reviews weren't as speedy as I thought they would be. Sue me. (actually please don't, i have no money nor assets, unless you count my Original Lincoln Logs)

Random question: Do you think a burger should automatically come with cheese?

FYI: Answers to this week's Trivia Corner are posted on the left sidebar.

There is a duck in there somewhere

 A week and a half ago on November 5th was our 3 year anniversary (Nicole and I). It also marked our one year anniversary of being engaged. The past year has just flown by. It feels like I just proposed the other day. I knew that if I didn't plan something special that I would be in trouble. Since we don't live together yet it is difficult to plan a romantic evening. I also didn't want to go to any ol' restaurant that we have been do 38 times already. I chose a restaurant that we have only been to once before (for my birthday last year, I would of blogged about this restaurant then but I didn't start my blog until after my birthday). I made reservations at The Melting Pot. It's a dining establishment where you get to cook your own lobster at your table. No, no, no, that sounds barbaric. It is actually a fondue place.

Last year there were 8 of us with only 2 fondue pots at the table so it seemed a little crowded. I figured it would make for a better experience if it was just the two of us (cue "Just the Two of Us" by Dr. Evil). And like most of the time, I was right. They seated us at Lover's Row which was a little booth with a table and ell shaped seating where you are forced with cuddle with your partner. It was very romantic. The lights were dimmed in that section and there was a single candle on the table with an anniversary card from the restaurant signed by the staff. Nice touch Melting Pot, way to earn your tips.

I'm not going to lie, the menu is a bit pricey but it's not one of those places you would go all the time anyway. We went all out and got the four course meal, cheese fondue, salads, main course and chocolate fondue. We chose the cheddar fondue with had some Swiss and other spices. That was served with apples, bread and veggies for dipping. Boy do I love me some cheese. The salads were very flavorful and delicious. For our main course fondue we had a Caribbean style oil. Nicole got the filet mignon while I chose an assortment of meat. My dish came with pork, chicken, shrimp, teriyaki steak, duck and pot stickers. The meat is served raw and your job is to throw it on a fondue fork and cook it the way you want it. Cooking time is very minimal, only need 2 minutes per slice of meat. Accompanying our dishes were more veggies (potatoes, mushrooms, broccoli, asparagus and peppers) and 5 dipping sauces (curry, ginger, teriyaki, cream cheese and some other white one).

With it only being the two of us it was a lot less crowded in the fondue pot and cooking time was quick. When it was the 8 of us last year it took forever to cook our food. I wasn't too thrilled with the duck, it had a ginger glaze and I'm not a big fan of ginger. However the teriyaki steak was delicious, I wish I had more of that. We were both pretty much full after our main course but we had to make a little room for dessert. How often do we get to eat chocolate fondue? We chose the flaming turtle which is milk chocolate, caramel and chopped pecans which was flambeed right in front of us. It was a pretty cool sight and I wish I had a picture to show you but Nicole was too slow with the camera.

For dippers we had strawberries, marshmallows coated in chocolate, cheesecake, brownies, bananas and sesame chicken....... there was no chicken (just seeing if you are still paying attention). More chocolate fondue please!!! We should of started with that. We had a tough time deciding on what chocolate fondue to get. There are so many tasty looking choices.

I recommend The Melting Pot for 2 to 4 people, any more and it seems a bit crowded. It's perfect for two people. It is definitely a different dining experience. Getting to cook your food at your table is fun and it leaves a lot of room for talking. The night doesn't go by so fast. Oh I forgot one of the best things I had. Order up a Love Martini, it is so yummy. It might be a girly drink but I don't care. It has peach schnapps, coconut rum, cranberry juice and fresh strawberries. Our bill came to about $125 including tip. At least try it once and see what you think, it may not be for everybody.

We also did something the next day for our anniversary which I will save for another post cuz this one is way too long already. I also have to talk about our anniversary presents next time. Could it be a real live pony or a banjo perhaps?

The Cheesecake Factory Review Revisited

If you are keeping track, which you're probably not, this is my 2nd Cheesecake Factory review. If you missed the first one click here. You didn't click there did you? Why not? It's either because you read it already, you're lazy or you hate me for some reason. Was it because I bought the last Justin Bieber tickets and you didn't get to go? I'm sorry, I will bake you some chocolate chip cookies and mail them out to you asap.

Nicole, her family and I went to the Cheesecake Factory 2 Sunday's ago to celebrate her dad's retirement. This is especially good for me because her parents always treat. Nothing better than a free meal. They don't let me pay, they don't accept cash, food stamps or rubles.

I am going to try and give each food item a quick review so as not to bore you. I also want to keep your attention long enough so my band of ninjas can raid your garage and/or shed.

Appetizers: (Her dad always orders more than enough appetizers)


The Bread - Warm and heavenly. No need for butter.


Sweet Corn Fritters - I don't know how the farmers grow the corn this way but it is tasty. They came with a yellowish dipping sauce. I don't know what it was. It could of been honey mustard, liquid corn sauce or pureed crayon but it was delicious.

Nachos - You figure nachos are nachos. And you'd be right. Nothing extra special about these bad boys except they came with it's own Mariachi.


Dynamite Tempura Shrimp - I ordered these for myself cuz I'm selfish like that. They were good but didn't meet up to my expectations. The waiter made them sound orgasmic. I kept lighting the tails but they wouldn't explode. Talk about your false advertising. My lawyer is filling out the paper work for the lawsuit.

Avocado Eggrolls - I'm not a big fan of avocado but these were scrumptious. These also came with a mystery sauce. I suppose I could go to the CF website and look it up but that would ruin the mystique.

Fried Calamari - I only had one so I forget what it tasted like. They usually don't have much flavor. Do you ever get worried that the suction cups are going to stick to your throat? Do calamari have suction cups or is that just squids and octopuses?

Soup of the Day: White Cheddar Broccoli - As soon as the waiter uttered the words 'white cheddar' my taste buds screamed 'get it, get it'. Nicole wanted it too so we shared a bowl. I think they were out of bowls because they served it in a mini bathtub. I must of pissed off the cook without knowing it because it was more like broccoli broccoli soup than white cheddar broccoli. The broccoli was also chopped very fine and smothered the taste of the white cheddar. I was highly disappointed as was Nicole. 

Hungry yet?

Main Course/Entree:

Pasta Carbonara - This is what Nicole ordered. I had a few bites. It was tasty but it's hard to remember how good it was because of what I had. I vaguely remember what everyone else order and it doesn't matter cuz I didn't eat anyone else's food.

Spicy Chicken Chipotle Pasta - My meal. Here is the description straight from their menu: Honey Glazed Chicken, Asparagus, Red and Yellow Peppers, Peas, Garlic and Onion in a Spicy Chipotle Parmesan Cream Sauce. Your mouth is watering right now isn't it? And nothing you eat in the next hour with satisfy your hunger. Oh, I wish I still had leftovers. It was deeeeeeeelicious. I made sure I ate enough to satisfy my craving but that I left enough room for dessert. Also I made sure I had a good amount of leftovers. Those lasted me 2 days. I had to fight the urge not to eat it when I got home.

 Dessert:

Chocolate Tower Truffle Cake - Nicole's brother ordered this. It looked like the Empire State Building made of chocolate. It was enormous and he ate most of it. Everyone else ordered cheesecake but I didn't sample any but my own.

Chocolate Coconut Cream Cheesecake - Coconut Cheesecake Topped with Coconut Cream Custard, all on a Chocolate Macaroon Crust. I ate every last bite (except for some cream custard) and it was delectable. And guess what? You didn't have any. Neener, neener, neener. I'm a mean son of a bitch, aren't I? I don't care that it probably had 1000 calories.

The only big downside to this dinner was that I missed the first half of the Giants game. I hope that I made you hungry, try not to slobber to much on your keyboard, saliva is hard to clean out of the keys.

Olive Garden Review

Last week for my birthday we dined at the Olive Garden. I still haven't received any birthday cards from any of you, I must have given out the address to the Powdered Toast Cave instead of the Powdered Toast House. I will clear that up later.

The nearest Olive Garden to me is somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes away depending on how fast the wagon and horses are going. Since it is not in a close proximity I don't go there as often as I would like. I can't even remember the last time I was there before my birthday but I do remember where Nicole and I sat last time (funny how my memory works).

You stay for the delicious food but you come for the warm bread sticks and homemade salad. What's best is that they are free and unlimited. A fellow blogger told me last week (I can't remember who it was) that they recycle their salad. I'm not sure what this exactly means but it's the tastiest recycled salad I have ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth.

For an appetizer I recommend the Lasagna Fritta: Parmesan-breaded lasagna pieces, fried and served over alfredo sauce, topped with parmesan cheese and marinara sauce and the Smoked Mozzarella Fonduta: Oven-baked smoked mozzarella, provolone, parmesan and romano cheese. Served with Tuscan bread. Both of them are extremely delectable and you won't be disappointed unless you don't get enough of it. Oh, I can almost taste the cheesy goodness. It's like an orgasm in your mouth, it's that good.

Every time I go to Olive Garden I have to get something that says new next to it. I am a sucker for anything new plus they are usually only around for a limited time so I am basically obligated to try it. For dinner I went surf and got the Shrimp and Crab Tortelli Romana: Shrimp, crab and smoked mozzarella-filled ravioli, topped with sautéed shrimp in a three cheese and sun-dried tomato sauce. If you are wondering if it was as scrumptious as it sounds, it was and then some. I purposely ate only half so I could have enough for leftovers the next day. Anyone hungry yet?

I am going to take your mind off food for a minute with some Chef Thoughts:

Did I remember to wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Ah, I don't care, I'm not eating this salad.

Four years at a prestigious culinary school and I'm fucking working at an Olive Garden.

That new waitress is so hot, dibbs!!

If anybody sends back food today they are getting a surprise from my nose in their order.

I hope that's poison ivy I'm scratching on my inner thigh.

Dunna nunna nunna nunna nunna nunnna nunnna nunna BATMAN!!

That fourth breakfast burrito was a bad idea.

How come they never showed Dr. Claw's face in Inspector Gadget? Or did I miss it?

I would make a hot woman.

For dessert I sampled 3 mini cake sundaes. There was a dark chocolate one with caramel, a strawberry and white chocolate and an amaretto tiramisu with almond cookie crumble. I basically had to eat all 3 by myself because everyone else was full and nobody else wanted any. I didn't care, more for me.

On top of that my mom got me an assorted cheesecake cake. There was probably 15-20 slices of all different kinds: Strawberry, blueberry. caramel, apple, cherry chocolate, and much more. Only Nicole and I like cheesecake so we got it all to ourselves. It works out when the rest of your family is picky.

Where is your nearest Olive Garden? Have you ever been? What are you waiting for, an invitation? By the way, I checked and they don't seem to have an actual olive garden on the premises. It must be at their corporate office.

Repost: Marshmallow Fluff

This was my first pros and cons post back when nobody was following me. It is one of my faves. Nippy actually helped me with this one. We were brainstorming pros and cons at work one night. For some reason the spacing and font size is all wacky and I can't seem to fix it. Oh well, enjoy it anyway.

Pros

• Very tasty snack
  

• Made of marshmallow
  

• Can fix a leaky sink
  

• Can be used as whiteout
  

• The Fluffernutter would not exist without it
  

• Good sugar high
  

• Great name for a snack food
  

• Instant Santa Claus beard
  

• Used as a good prank food like whipped cream
  

• Hide other food underneath the table with it
  

• Acts as a Nair replacement
  

• Caulk around the bathtub with it
  

• Give grandma a facial
  

• Style your hair

Cons

• A bit too sweet
  
• Way too sticky
  
• Actually I just tried and it cannot fix a leaky sink
  
• Your high friends might mistake your homework for a snack after using it as whiteout
  
• Extremely difficult to get out of the jar
  
• Might have to explain to your coworkers why it looks like you have dried semen around your mouth
  
• Terrible name for a kid
  
• Very difficult to roast over the campfire
  
• After a few days, having to deal with the smell coming from underneath the table
  
• Girlfriend kills you after using Marshmallow Nair
  
• Lots of insects in your bathtub

Review of a Candy Bar

I am the kind of guy that loves new food products. If I see a commercial for some new cheez-it flavor or something, I have to try it. I am a sucker when I go into the grocery store and see 'NEW' on any product in big bold letters just teasing me. This is especially true for the cookie, cracker, chip or candy aisle. My ultimate weakness is a new flavor of Doritos, I have to have them.

With this said, I recently saw a commercial for a new flavor of Twix, that being Twix Java, coffee flavored if you're not hip to the lingo.



One day I searched about 4 or 5 gas stations and 2 grocery stores looking for this new magical candy bar only to come up empty and an almost broken man. I found a Triple Chocolate Twix at a 7-11 but that wasn't not what I had come for. Why would they run a commercial for a candy bar that didn't exist yet? I was puzzled and I could almost taste the coffee goodness on my tongue. I had to quit the hunt, I figured it wasn't in stores just yet.

A couple of weeks went by and I had almost forgotten about the elusive treat until the other night when I stopped by the local gas station on my way home from Nicole's at 3am. I stopped to pick up some sugar so I could make brownies the next day. I took a gander down the candy bar aisle hoping to find something intriguing when there it was right next to the Peanut Butter Twix shining in all it's glory. I jumped for joy inside my head like a little kid in a candy store. I purchased it along with the sugar and took the first bite in the car. It was worth the wait.

The coffee flavor jumps out at you and enhances the already deliciousness of the Twix. It's bold but at the same time subtle, so it doesn't over power the chocolate and caramel. I finished the second piece as I was typing this and I wish I had more. If you don't like coffee than you probably won't like Twix Java. I recommend it to all that love coffee and candy bars. My next mission is to find the new pretzel M & M's.

Chili's review

First off, by a show of hands, who hasn't been to Chili's? Really, that many of you? It's like an Applebee's but better. Nicole and I dine at Chili's about once a month, it's our favorite place to eat. They have tasty food, reasonable prices and it's only a short 10/15 minute drive over to the giant red pepper.

One of the tastiest menu items are the Texas Cheese Fries which have been named the worst fries in America, not worst tasting but worst in health. These bad boys contain 1,920 calories, 147 grams of fat, and 3,580 mg of sodium but I don't care because they make my tummy monster happy and I don't want him to be angry. Even a half order has 1400 calories.

They are always running some great deals. A few months ago they had 2 for $20 which included one appetizer, two entrees and one dessert. Recently they had one appetizer and one entree for $9.99 which is similar to 2 for $20 except you swap a dessert for an appetizer. I thought 2 for $20 was the shit when they were advertising it. The only real catch is that the apps and entrees are limited to only certain menu selections but beggars can't be choosers (or another cliche/saying that fits).

One of my favorite underrated food item is the honey mustard. I use this as my dipping sauce instead of ketchup when I go out and I love the honey mustard at Chili's especially with fries. I would dip my shoes in honey mustard if those were the only 2 things I had to eat. The problem is that you can't get honey mustard in the supermarkets like they have in restaurants and diners. I don't know who is behind this mystery but I want some answers!!

Waiter's Thoughts:

I've got a turtle head poking out and I don't know if I can make it to the bathroom in time.

Why are these horses talking gibberish? I shouldn't of dropped acid on my break.

I wonder if they can tell that part of their Texas Cheese Fries order is missing? Do I have a piece of bacon on my lip?

I hope that chick I nailed last night didn't have crabs, I am so itchy.

Shit! Did he just catch me looking down her shirt?

If I don't get a good tip, I swear I will karate chop him in the neck.

I wonder what Spongebob is up to today?

I probably should be writing down their order instead of scratching my ass.

If only they knew what is really in the honey mustard.

"Life is like a hurricane, Here in Duckburg, Race cars, lasers, aeroplanes, It's a Duck-blur, Might solve a mystery, Or rewrite history, DuckTales, oooh ooooh......"


My favorite baby back rib song sung by Fat Bastard.

Soda: Cola vs. Root Beer

You would expect Coca Cola versus Pepsi Cola but that is too mainstream and here at 'Just the Cheese' I like to do things a little differently.

Root Beer

Pros

* Have you heard of the Root Beer Float? enough said

* Has the word 'beer' in it's name

* Loves kittens

* Married to a supermodel

* Tastes like a birch tree

* Recycles himself all the time

* Has won 4 Olympic gold medals

Cons

* Rots your teeth

* Twice has stolen money from church collection plate

* Leaves you wanting more

* Pees in public swimming pools

* Doesn't come in cherry or lime flavors

* Stains your clothes

* Accused of owning child pornography

Cola

Pros

* Is one of Jack Daniels closest friends

* Good sugar high

* Has a PhD in Micro Paleontology

* Tastes great with pizza

* Volunteers at the local soup kitchen

* Used to have cocaine as an ingredient

* Can speak 7 languages including Braille

Cons

* Gave Wilfred Brimley Diabetes

* Rots your teeth

* Keeps grandma up past her bedtime

* Use to have cocaine as an ingredient

* Too carbonated

* Once killed a homeless pirate over a sandwich

* Had an affair with Root Beer's wife

* Against gay marriage

In general I prefer root beer over cola. Who is the winner from the pros and cons list? You be the judge.

Trivia Corner #7

In diner slang of yore, what would you be served if you ordered blowout patches? How about Zeppelins in a fog or a First Lady?

Peanut Butter: Creamy vs. Chunky

Creamy

Pros

* Spreads like melted butter

* Created first

* A way to get affection from your dog, you know cause it's your dog

* Magically delicious.....wait, no, that's Lucky Charms

* Good source of protein

* Jelly's best friend

* Put George Washington Carver on the map

Cons

* Does not make a good lube

* Fattening

* Killed one of Humpty Dumpty's kids

* Harmful to people with peanut allergies

* Fights with your cold cuts for your affection

* Sticks to the roof of your mouth

Chunky

Pros

* Loaded with peanuts

* Good source of protein

* Awarded with the Medal of Valor for it's service in Vietnam

* They're Grrrrrreat...... nope, that's Frosted Flakes

* Jam's best bud

* Very proficient in Microsoft word and Excel

* Nice and crunchy

Cons

* Tears up the bread

* Choking hazard

* Arrested for 2 DWI's

* Fattening

* Extremely harmful to people with peanut allergies

* High School drop out

I have always liked creamy better than chunky. The deciding vote is the spreadability factor and creamy definitely wins that fight. Chunky is good in other ways. I don't understand the extreme chunky, it's basically just a jar of peanuts with some oil. Is that even spreadable?

Light Bulb!!

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I should start reviewing restaurants that I dine at. My two favorite hobbies are movies and eating/food. I have missed so many opportunities with all the times I've eaten out over the past 8 months. I am very disappointed in myself to say the least. I definitely need more reviews-you-can't-use on this here blog. This post will be my first review of a restaurant. I will try and put a different spin on things, because that's what I'm about.

Nicole (my fiance) and I ventured off to The Cheesecake Factory for a late lunch, early dinner combo, it was around 4 o'clock. If you are not familiar with The Cheesecake Factory it is an eating establishment known for their famous french fries and root beer. Actually I'm lying, if you can't figure out what they are famous for then you need more help than our economy.

I want to say that it was my 3rd time eating there but I might be off by one. First I want to tell you what I don't like about this place and probably the only thing. The tables are a little too close together. It feels like I'm eating lunch at my High School cafeteria. When we were first seated we were stuck between two other tables with guests already dining. I immediately asked if we could have a more private table. The waiter said sure, there is one in the other room. It was more private, instead of being between two other parties, we had one table to one side and a half a wall to our other. You win some and you lose some. Luckily the people sitting beside us weren't loud and obnoxious. The only thing odd about them is that they didn't order any dessert, how can you go to a restaurant known for famous desserts and not get any? Boggles my mind. That's a fun game: boggle, ever play?

Nicole had the carbonara and I had the bang-bang chicken and shrimp. Both entrees get 2 thumbs up for tastiness and presentation. The dinner is good but the cheesecake is why I go here. The past 2 times I got chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cheesecake which were both very rich and flavorful. This time I went with something simple, I got the original cheesecake with strawberries. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!! So smooth and creamy you want to savor every last bite. It gives your taste buds an orgasm. I brought the leftovers home, of course, what else would I do with them? Give them to a homeless guy? Let him get his own cheesecake. I had a few bites about a half hour ago (by the way it's 4:30 in the morning) and I think it tasted even better.

If you live somewhere that doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory then I strongly urge you to move or visit a friend that lives near one. If you live near a Cheesecake Factory and you have never been then shame on you. What the hell are you waiting for? Dinner for 2 with appetizer and 2 cheesecakes cost $57 plus tip. If you were wondering, Nicole got the white chocolate macadamia nut with caramel cheesecake or some arrangement of those words.

Wow, this post was a lot longer than anticipated. I will try and trim it down next time. I hope this review wasn't helpful.

Cookie Dabacle

So last night on my break at work I was enjoying some delicious vanilla alphabet cookies. They are basically animal crackers in letter form. I was trying to spell out something with the letters I had left: D-I-O-N-4. That's right there was the number four mixed in with the letters, I was puzzled. Someone at the cookie factory must have made a boo boo. I am outraged and planning on writing an angry letter to the cookie company. When I sit down to eat some alphabet cookies I expect to only find letters not numbers. What's next, finding a regular Oreo mixed in with the Double Stuf? Lays with my Doritos? I don't mind meat mixed with my mashed potatoes but this is too much.

Food For Thought

What is the only U.S. state capital without a McDonald's fast-food restaurant?




Answer: Montpelier, Vermont.

The Fourth Kind

I was going to write this post yesterday but I took a nap instead, who doesn't love a good nap? We need that implemented at work, instead of a break we should have naptime with juice or milk and a blanket like in nursery school and kindergarten. I actually have memories from nursery school, ahh being young....

Okay enough about taking a nap, more about movies. Nicole and I saw The Fourth Kind at the Poughkeepsie Galleria on Friday night after some delicious Chilis, 2 for $20 baby, can't beat that!! That spicy cajun chicken pasta is very tasty, it was even better as leftovers at 3:30 in the morning. Oh yeah I'm suppose to be talking about the movie.

It was a decent movie, I thought it would of been better. They kind of showed all the good parts in the coming attractions. It was kinda scary and made me believe in aliens more than I did but I heard that the woman that was suppose to be the real Abigail Tyler (the psychologist) was actually an actress. I can't believe movies based on true events anymore, it just seems like a ploy by Hollywood to trick society into going to see their films.

One of the things I thought was interesting about this movie is Elias Koteas is in it. Remember Casey Jones from TMNT? That's him, you probably didn't even now his real name, he also played Kirstie Alley's brother in Look Who's Talking. I think Look Who's Talking Too is better than the first one, Bruce Willis has a great little kid voice. Look Who's Talking Now wasn't as good but still funny.

I learned something from watching The Fourth Kind, Milla Jovovich is pronounced Yo-vovich, the "J" is pronounced as a "Y." The film was pretty freaky, Nicole was holding onto me tight and covered her eyes a couple times. They never really showed the Aliens though, they always were shadows or blurs or something you really couldn't see them. I like the movie Signs cause you actually got to see the Aliens. My opinion is wait for the DVD or go see the matinee for $7. I can't wait to see Sherlock Holmes, that looks awesome!!