Rare Interview

Repost from 2010.

I think that Jaws gets a bad rap. We don't know what was going on in his life. We all just assume he's an evil shark bent on killing innocent people. We don't know the truth....... until now. I recently found a rare interview with Jaws' wife after his untimely death. Never before released to the public.

Reporter Neil Blacksmith & Jaws' Wife

I am sorry for your loss Mrs. Jaws

Thank you Neil, you can call me Marg.

Marg, I apologize in advance if my questions are blunt but people need to know things.

That's quite alright. Ask whatever you want.

Did you know your husband was a serial killer?

How dare you call him that!! He was a good fish, he didn't deserve what he got (starts to tear).

How was he a good fish? He murdered innocent people.

You don't know what he was going through. He was recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia with multiple personalities. He didn't know what he was doing half the time.

Please, continue.

He was such a gentle husband and father. He never hurt anybody for any reason. He would come home with blood all over him with an arm or a leg hanging out of his mouth and he had no idea what happened. He didn't know he was killing people. His other personality was doing it. I named his other half Lenny. We didn't know what to do. We couldn't go to the police, they would just lock him up or throw him in the loony bin. We thought the problem would just go away on it's own but it just ended up getting worse. What would you have done?

I'm sorry, what was the question? Your cleavage is distracting me.

You perv!! You track me down to interview me and then you stare at my chest? Is this how you do all your interviews?

Well... yeah, if the person/fish I'm interviewing has big boobs and is wearing a skimpy top. Don't get mad at me, I'm just a guy.

You best be glad that my eldest son isn't here or he would tear off your arms off (grabs her jacket and covers herself up). Now can you concentrate?

Yes, I'm sorry, can we continue with the interview? (nonchalantly conceals his massive erection).

I suppose so...... I hated that Quint, he got what he deserved. I would of ate him if my husband didn't. He was such an asshole. I am still trying to track down Chief Brody. I am going to enjoy eating him little by little (licking her lips and showing her teeth). I'm starting to get hungry.

What's for dinner? I'm pretty hun......... CHOMP!

(son enters the room) Mom, where's that reporter? I wanted to talk to him about dad.

I don't know what he's doing now but in a few hours he will be digesting.

Mom!?!? Again? That's 2 reporters this week!

What the hell do you expect? I'm a great white shark. I'd eat you if you weren't my son.

Today is National Senior Health & Fitness Day

I'm sick of all these odd holidays that we have. Who created them and why? This month alone, there is Nerd Pride Day, National Taffy Day, World Turtle Day, Cookie Monster's Birthday, Turn Beauty Inside Out Day, and much much more.

Here are 25 holidays that are on the fence. Will you see them on the calendar soon?

Hug a Porcupine Day
Bring a Waffle Iron to Work Day
Give a Stranger a Wet-Willy Day
National Moon Your Boss Day
Lick Your Neighbor's Toaster Day
Act Like Your Favorite Animal Day
Speak a Made Up Language Day
Carry Your Toothbrush in Your Mouth Day
Steal a Car Day
Wear a Raincoat in the Shower Day
World Spatula Week
Beat Your Figure Skating Rival with a Tire Iron Day
National Pee in the Pool Day
Ride a Hippopotamus Day
I Can Believe it's Not Butter Day
Aunt Jemima Appreciation Month
Bounce Your Rent Check Day
Tape Over Your Wedding Video with Hardcore Porn Day
Jaywalk Naked Day
Wear a Cape to Work Day
Give Your ATM Card Pin Code to a Random Taxi Driver Day
Scream Obscenities at Kids in the Park Month
Eat Only Spam Day
Tickle a Stranger at the Gym Day
Pretend You're Dr. Kevorkian Day

Which one do you think is going to make it? Oh yeah, help your Grandma work out today. Some squats and bench presses will do the trick. Here is the site with all the real random and weird holidays.

Random Thoughts

Anytime I think I have a good idea for a blog post I text it to my blog and it gets saved as a draft. A lot of times I never end up doing anything with it because there isn't enough info to talk about. I decided to compile what I had sitting in my drafts section and created this: Random thoughts and questions.

What is up with the Rockabye Baby nursery rhyme? Does anybody else think it is screwed up to sing a song about a baby in a cradle falling out of a tree? Go ahead, sing the song, I'll wait........... And down with come baby, cradle and all. My point exactly.

Is it pronounced Pet-Smart or Pets-Mart? Smart shopping for your pet or a mart for your pets?

Do you think that Wile E. Coyote has a line of credit at the Acme store? Or does he have an Acme credit card? If he does have one, does it earn him points for free stuff?

Who grows up wanting to be a Proctologist? You know what? I want to have my finger in strange asses all day long. It's probably good money but when do you decide to focus just on the ass?

In Kohl's there is a ladies section called Petites'. For some reason the apostrophe is outside the 's', doesn't that imply ownership? The woman's section doesn't have the apostrophe on the outside of the 's'. I don't get it. What does the petites section own?

Why is it as a guy I can name at least 5 tampon brands? I bet a woman can't name 5 makes of a circular saw. Damn advertising getting into my head.

I saw JimmyJohnson (the football coach) doing an Extenze commercial. Is he hard up for cash or does he have a problem?

Does the Three Men in a Tub nursery rhyme see strange to you at all? Why are 3 grown men bathing together? I am not homophobic but I don't ever see myself bathing with 2 other dudes. Maybe if I was like 4 and I had 2 brothers. Was there only enough water for one bath and they decided it would be okay to wash together?

Where does the money recovered from criminals go? From what I have seen on tv and movies, it gets stored as evidence. So it stays in a box in a room forever? The cops or government don't divvy it up?

Ever see a 'fallen rock zone' road sign? Why do I need to know that rocks have fallen here? If I need to be cautious, shouldn't it read 'falling rock zone'? So one rock falls and hits a car and it's deemed a fallen rock zone?

Do people born blind from birth dream? If they do, what do they dream about? Are their dreams shaded black or white and do they know the difference? Do they only dream about sounds and noises?

I always thought the lyrics in Blinded by the Light by Manfred Mann's Earth Band were 'wrapped up like a douche.' The line is actually 'rewed up like a deuce.' The original Springstein lyric was 'cut loose like a deuce.' I was always so confused, who wants to be wrapped up like a douche? Why are those the lyrics? I finally have the answer and so do you.

Feel free to answer any of the questions. If you haven't played today's Trivia Corner, it's just one post down under this one.

How to escape a ticket.....maybe

If you are ever pulled over by a cop, I heard if you can make him/her laugh then you are less likely to get a ticket. Here are a few random situations. Some might work and some might get you arrested.


Cop pulls you over for speeding:

Cop: "Why were you speeding?"
You: "Sir, I had some bad tacos for lunch and I am trying to get to the nearest toilet. Right now, I am just trying not to shit my pants."

Cop: "Why are you in such a hurry?"
You: "I heard the McRib is back."
Cop: "Shit, move over, I'll drive."

Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
You: "No, I can't read the signs. Hooked on Phonics did not work for me."

Cop: "The speed limit here is 45, you were going 85, got any good excuses?"
You: "I just watched Back to the Future and I was trying to get up to 88 MPH because I wanted to go back to the day of my wedding and tell myself not to go through with it."

Cop: "Can you tell me why you were speeding."
You: "Dammit, now I will never catch the Road Runner."

Cop pulls you over for suspicion of driving under the influence:

Cop: "Do I smell marijuana?"
You: "Why, did you want a hit?"

Cop: "Sir, have you been drinking?"
You: "Occifer, I think your twin brother is mocking you, he mouthed what you just said."

Cop pulls you over for whatever else:

Cop: "License and registration, please."
You: "What? My license? You guys took that away from me last month. Now you want me to show you it, make up your minds!"

Cop: "License and registration, please."
You: "I don't know where they are. Let me ask the guy in the trunk, it's his car."

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
You: "Do you like fish sticks?" (this one only works if the cop watches South Park)

Cop: "I pulled you over because you have a broken tail light."
You: "No shit, what else can you tell me Captain Obvious?."

Cool Facts

Here are some random cool facts from my ipod.


Because radio waves travel at 186,000 miles per second and sound waves saunter at 700 miles per hour, a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 13,000 miles away than it can be heard at the back of the room in which it originated.

The city of Tokyo was originally called Edo.

Flamingos are able to fly at a speed of approximately 55 kilometers an hour. In one night they can travel about 600 km.

In one day, a human sheds 10 billion skin flakes. This amounts to approximately two kilograms in a year.

The sun's total lifetime as a star capable of maintaining a life-bearing Earth is about 11 billion years. Nearly half that time has passed.

Watermelons can cost up to $100 in Japan.

Celtic warriors sometimes fought their battles naked, their bodies dyed blue from head to toe.

Hummingbirds can weigh less than a penny.

Penguins are not found in the North Pole.

Tipping at a restaurant in Iceland is considered an insult.

Contrary to popular belief, there are no Buddhists in India, nor have there been for about a thousand years.

The deepest underwater penguin dive is 1,772 feet by an Emperor penguin.

In San Salvador, drunk drivers can be punished by death before a firing squad.

To burn off one plain M&M candy, you need to walk the full length of a football field.

Half of the 42 U.S. Presidents are of Irish descent.

A quidnunc is a person who is eager to know the latest news and gossip.

Queen Victoria used marijuana, to help relieve menstrual cramp pain.

Ernest Vincent Wright wrote a novel, "Gadsby", which contains over 50,000 -- none of them with the letter E.

A human embryo is smaller than a grain of rice at four weeks old.

20252 is Smokey the Bear's own zip code.

Daniel Boone hated coonskin caps.

Retro TV Review: Harry and the Hendersons

I have decided to try out some retro reviewing. I got this idea from Geof at ETMC. He reviewed an old movie, I decided to review an old, random tv show.

Harry and the Hendersons ran from 1991 to 1993, it aired about 40 episodes. I remember liking this show. Mainly because I was only 7 at the time and the show had a 7 foot tall Sasquatch as a main character. Things like that attract a liitle boy's attention. The show was based off the 1987 movie starring John Lithgow. I never saw the movie so I can't make any comparisons.

The show starred Bruce Davison as George Henderson (Senator Kelly in X-men) and Molly Cheek as Nancy Henderson (Jim's Mom in American Pie). Zachary Bostrom played the son Ernie and Carol-Ann Plante was Sara the daughter. I looked them up on IMDb but they haven't done much and I didn't recognize any of their other work so I didn't bother putting something that you may have seen them in. Zachary did win some young actor awards during his time on Harry and the Hendersons.

Two little nuggets I found out are that Scott Baio and Tony Dow were both Directors on the show. I don't have to tell you what Scott Baio has done. I did love Charles in Charge, good times. You may not have recognized Tony Dow's name. He starred as Wally Cleaver in Leave It To Beaver back in 1957-1963. Do you know what was one of the most controversial lines on that show? "Ward, you were really hard on the beaver last night." If you have never watched the show, Ward is the father, Beaver was the younger son's nickname and June (the mother) said that line a few times.

The show's basic premise was that the family had to always hide Harry from neighbors and people coming over. It was sort of a rip off of ALF but a 3 foot alien is easier to hide than a 7 foot Sasquatch. The show didn't do that well in the ratings and they ran out of stuff to do in the show. They tried some gimmicks but the show still flopped. I remember finding it amusing as a little kid. If I watched it now I would probably hate it. I need to find an episode on youtube or something. I wonder if they have any episodes on Netflix? I do remember the opening credits, they drove a station wagon and they were going camping when they found Harry.

This was fun to do. This show just randomly popped into my head the other day at work when I was playing some TVLand trivia with some coworkers. Next time I will have to pick a show that I remember more about. How would you rate the show?

Soda: Cola vs. Root Beer

You would expect Coca Cola versus Pepsi Cola but that is too mainstream and here at 'Just the Cheese' I like to do things a little differently.

Root Beer

Pros

* Have you heard of the Root Beer Float? enough said

* Has the word 'beer' in it's name

* Loves kittens

* Married to a supermodel

* Tastes like a birch tree

* Recycles himself all the time

* Has won 4 Olympic gold medals

Cons

* Rots your teeth

* Twice has stolen money from church collection plate

* Leaves you wanting more

* Pees in public swimming pools

* Doesn't come in cherry or lime flavors

* Stains your clothes

* Accused of owning child pornography

Cola

Pros

* Is one of Jack Daniels closest friends

* Good sugar high

* Has a PhD in Micro Paleontology

* Tastes great with pizza

* Volunteers at the local soup kitchen

* Used to have cocaine as an ingredient

* Can speak 7 languages including Braille

Cons

* Gave Wilfred Brimley Diabetes

* Rots your teeth

* Keeps grandma up past her bedtime

* Use to have cocaine as an ingredient

* Too carbonated

* Once killed a homeless pirate over a sandwich

* Had an affair with Root Beer's wife

* Against gay marriage

In general I prefer root beer over cola. Who is the winner from the pros and cons list? You be the judge.

Accidental Masterpiece

I'm finally back, no thanks to this white stuff. No, not cocaine, the other white stuff, snow. If you are living on the west coast or a cave, the Northeast was hit with 3 days of snow, sleet and rain. It dumped about 2 feet on us, maybe more or less depending on where you live. NYC had a record month of snow for February, 37 inches, beating the old record of 30 inches back in 1895.

The snow storm didn't knock out my power at first. It first knocked out my phone line and if you have been following my blog you would know that this is a big problem because my house is still living in the dark ages with a dial-up connection. So I could not post anything on Friday or Saturday like I wanted to. We got the phone line back but then the power decided to go out, I was already at Nicole's house so I didn't care that much. It finally came back on around 1:30 am on Sunday.

I do love the snow but not when it takes blogging and anything to do with electricity away from me. Okay enough complaining about the snow. Let's get to the fun stuff.

Nicole and I decided to go sledding at her old elementary school. We thought we would have to deal with some whiny nose kids but it was a ghost town. Unfortunately the sled I have sucks major ass. The bottom of it is shaped like a snow mobile, not flat on the bottom but with rails. It doesn't slide down the hill, it kind of burrows underground. I don't know about you but that is not what I look for in a sled. Since the sledding was a bust I decided to try to make a snow man. I started rolling a snowball down the hill so it would accumulate snow and turn into a bigger ball for the bottom of the snow man but it turned into a giant snow wheel instead.

I flipped it over and layed the snow wheel on it's side to create something, I wasn't sure what at the time. I made another smaller snow wheel and place it face up on the other wheel to create a snow chair. Snow is so much easier to mold and shape than clay. After adding more snow and smoothing it out I realized that it looked more like a toilet than a chair. Nicole and I then got to work on making it look more like a toilet. We rounded the front and bottom, made the back more square, we even dug out a hole in the seat and Nicole made a handle. It looked awesome, I wish I had some pics to show you but we both didn't have our phones on us and they probably wouldn't of come out so good with an all white background.

To make it look more like a toilet I decided to add a little yellow dye inside the bowl if you know what I mean. I got some on the seat for good measure. It was a very proud moment, I had never made a snow toilet before today....err yesterday. I just would like to see somebody's reaction when they find this thing randomly behind the school. "Is that a toilet made out of snow?" Priceless!! I have to add a little review by saying that this snow is the best packing snow I have ever laid my hands on. It packs up nice and tight and is great for snowballs or making snow toilets, whatever you're into.

Next time I will make a hot tub and a sink.

Peanut Butter: Creamy vs. Chunky

Creamy

Pros

* Spreads like melted butter

* Created first

* A way to get affection from your dog, you know cause it's your dog

* Magically delicious.....wait, no, that's Lucky Charms

* Good source of protein

* Jelly's best friend

* Put George Washington Carver on the map

Cons

* Does not make a good lube

* Fattening

* Killed one of Humpty Dumpty's kids

* Harmful to people with peanut allergies

* Fights with your cold cuts for your affection

* Sticks to the roof of your mouth

Chunky

Pros

* Loaded with peanuts

* Good source of protein

* Awarded with the Medal of Valor for it's service in Vietnam

* They're Grrrrrreat...... nope, that's Frosted Flakes

* Jam's best bud

* Very proficient in Microsoft word and Excel

* Nice and crunchy

Cons

* Tears up the bread

* Choking hazard

* Arrested for 2 DWI's

* Fattening

* Extremely harmful to people with peanut allergies

* High School drop out

I have always liked creamy better than chunky. The deciding vote is the spreadability factor and creamy definitely wins that fight. Chunky is good in other ways. I don't understand the extreme chunky, it's basically just a jar of peanuts with some oil. Is that even spreadable?