Joke

Marriage is like a 3 ring circus,

First comes the engagement ring,

Then the wedding ring,

and finally the suffering.

It's been awhile

I have been slacking on my blog this week. I only wrote one post and it wasn't even humorous, it was serious and sad. I have been unconsciously writing less and less for some reason. Usually I come up with some ideas and make a draft about them but I haven't had anything funny happen to talk about. It doesn't help that I'm trying to bring in some extra cash with my ads on here. I'm not suppose to talk about the ads so that's all I will say. I need to get back on track. Now what to write about.......?

Let's talk about something interesting now. One of my favorite unthought of thing in life is the elusive cold side of the pillow. Like most of you I can't sleep with a warm pillow, it needs to be nice and cold. Somehow even with the heat on my pillows still manage to stay cold. I don't even have special pillows or pillow cases. I've always wanted one of those special cold comfort pillows that are suppose to be cold. The things they make nowadays. I could of invented that!!

Memory of my Father

Yesterday November 23rd marked 13 years since my father passed away from Diabetes. I was only 12 years old when I lost my dad. I think about it more nowadays than when I was younger. It sucks thinking about the future without a father figure in it. I know my life would be a lot different if my father was still alive today. I probably wouldn't be that sarcastic and wouldn't have such a good sense of humor. I could probably write a whole lot on this subject but I don't want to make myself cry or become too saddened by this. My heart goes out to you if you have lost a parent, it's very tough on the children.

The Fourth Kind

I was going to write this post yesterday but I took a nap instead, who doesn't love a good nap? We need that implemented at work, instead of a break we should have naptime with juice or milk and a blanket like in nursery school and kindergarten. I actually have memories from nursery school, ahh being young....

Okay enough about taking a nap, more about movies. Nicole and I saw The Fourth Kind at the Poughkeepsie Galleria on Friday night after some delicious Chilis, 2 for $20 baby, can't beat that!! That spicy cajun chicken pasta is very tasty, it was even better as leftovers at 3:30 in the morning. Oh yeah I'm suppose to be talking about the movie.

It was a decent movie, I thought it would of been better. They kind of showed all the good parts in the coming attractions. It was kinda scary and made me believe in aliens more than I did but I heard that the woman that was suppose to be the real Abigail Tyler (the psychologist) was actually an actress. I can't believe movies based on true events anymore, it just seems like a ploy by Hollywood to trick society into going to see their films.

One of the things I thought was interesting about this movie is Elias Koteas is in it. Remember Casey Jones from TMNT? That's him, you probably didn't even now his real name, he also played Kirstie Alley's brother in Look Who's Talking. I think Look Who's Talking Too is better than the first one, Bruce Willis has a great little kid voice. Look Who's Talking Now wasn't as good but still funny.

I learned something from watching The Fourth Kind, Milla Jovovich is pronounced Yo-vovich, the "J" is pronounced as a "Y." The film was pretty freaky, Nicole was holding onto me tight and covered her eyes a couple times. They never really showed the Aliens though, they always were shadows or blurs or something you really couldn't see them. I like the movie Signs cause you actually got to see the Aliens. My opinion is wait for the DVD or go see the matinee for $7. I can't wait to see Sherlock Holmes, that looks awesome!!

FINALLY!!!

It's about freaking time the Giants won a game. After 4 straight disappointing losses the Giants finally get a win. It was a nail biter 'til the end. They actually almost lost again with the Falcons coming back from 14 points down in the fourth quarter to tie it and send it into overtime. However Eli did what he does best and drive down the field for the victory, well a drive that ended with a Tynes field goal.

Now the Giants have a very short week because they have to play the Broncos on Thanksgiving. Denver has an unfair advantage being the home team, they get an extra day of practice and rest since the G-men have to travel on Wednesday. Let's hope this win against Atlanta sparks a big winning streak. Dallas almost lost to the Redskins but they had to go and score a touchdown in the last 3 minutes. A Dallas loss would of helped New York gain some ground.

It sucks that Antonio Pierce is out with a neck injury, he's like the Quarterback of the defense. Luckily Chase Blackburn filled in nicely for him today. For some reason the Giants are always flooded with injuries, especially on defense. I'm gonna use my excess football energy to play some Madden.

Waiting for.....

You know what sucks? I still have fucking dial-up!! It's like I'm still living in the 90's. Now I know I live in the woods but it's not the deep woods, I just have some trees surrounding the house, I do live off a main road. It's not like we are behind the times otherwise, we have flat screen tv's in the house, we all have cell phones, fairly new cars, and XBOX 360. But for some reason my mom doesn't care about the internet connection. She tells us that highspeed isn't available where we live.......... bullshit!! You're telling me in the year 2009 we are subjected to use dial-up? I need to talk to my congressman about this.

What sucks more is that for some reason it doesn't log on when it's raining. It's not like the phone goes out when it's raining. Stupid old technology. I feel like I'm the only one that still uses dial-up. Oh yeah I forgot, when the phone rings it kicks you off. I also can't watch any videos on my computer because they take too long to load, it will play like 5 seconds and then go back to buffering. I hate this computer!! It also has a ton of viruses on it so it runs extra slow. I'm lucky that I can access blogger on it. That's the main reason why I don't put any videos on my blog, I can't view them before I load them up.

If you are reading this and for some reason you still have dial-up let me know so I know I'm not the only one out there. Fuck all of you with highspeed internet, I hate you. I don't mean that, I'm sorry, don't leave me.

From the Future Mrs....

I'm the ONE
Well, I'm the fiance of Powdered Toast Man...that's right...jealousy, I feel it all around. Well actually I'm just here to say a little something about my engagement to Jamie. We have been together for 2 years and to me it still feels like the very first time for everything. I got to say I was a little surprised that he popped the question when he did. I mean we have talked about it and we knew we wanted to be married but I didn't think he was going to do it as soon as he did after talking about it and picking out my ring. (BTW I love it and I have been getting compliments left and right).

I have been getting comments like "its too soon" and " your going to wait right". Maybe its because I'm not even 21 yet and its hard for people to believe that I found my soul-mate. That's exactly what he is to me. I know he probably doesn't believe me fully but I knew he was the one as soon as 2-3 months after dating. I don't feel I have to justify anything so I'm not going to.

I'm so excited to be the future Mrs Powdered Toast Man. I cant wait to start planning my wedding...the colors, dresses, flowers, music, cake, family...i want nothing more then to plan it now. I love that he wants to make this commitment and i cant wait till the day we are standing at the altar. Before when we were just talking about it i felt so close to him and so happy about what's going to come next. Now that its here I'm super anxious and even more in love with him which i didn't think i could be. I would do anything for him and its a nice feeling knowing i have someone that will do the same for me.

-Nicole

Is there a doctor in the house?

Why can't scientists just go and cure the common cold already? I'm sick of these damn sore throats!! I am just getting over a cold I had this week. By "getting over" I mean I still possess the illness but only show some of the symptoms. I have a nasty sore throat which is as dry as Barbara Bush's happy place. I have no lubrication in there (that's what she said!) Yeah I know that's played but I had to throw it in there. I also had a stuffed nose and chest congestion but that was tolerable. I don't get sick too often but when I do it hits me like a sack full of doorknobs.

The only reason I'm telling you I was and still am ill is because it's the reason for minimal posts this week. I have been delirious, mainly due to the Tylenol cold I was taking. That stuff made me pretty loopy, I thought I was drunk without the nausea and constant urge to pee. The damn day medicine made me tired and the night stuff kept me awake, I think someone screwed up in the factory. Luckily I don't think it's Swine Flu or Rhinoceros Flu or whatever animal Flu that is going around now. Another day or two and a couple more Vitamin C and I should be as good as used. (You might have to read that sentence again to get the punchline.)

Well it's 5:45 AM and I haven't gone to bed yet. I should get some rest, I have work and school all week. I just wanted to throw in a blog post before i hit the hay and so this be it I guess. Not a masterpiece but what is? Why does this seem like a diary now????? Note to self: Starting tomorrow, write better posts.

Clever Riddle

You are in a concrete room. There is a steel pipe 3 feet in length cemented into the center of the concrete floor. The pipe protrudes about 1 foot out of the floor. A ping-pong ball is dropped down the pipe. There is a fraction on an inch clearance between the ball and the pipe. Your task is to get the ping-pong ball out of the steel pipe undamaged. The only items that are available are a wooden ruler, a ball of string, a pocket mirror, a paper clip and a small magnet. Since nothing else is allowed into the room, how could you get the plastic ping-pong ball out of the steel pipe?

Email: reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com

Saved by the Nip/Tuck

Any Nip/Tuck fans out there? I love the show. It's packed with crazy freakin' shit. If you do watch it then you will know what I'm talking about in this post and if you don't watch it well go rent the first season right now but you will still find what I have to say interesting.

Starting this season Mario Lopez (from my childhood show Saved by the Bell) has joined the cast of plastic surgeons. If I was a girl, I'd do him.... hahaha. Anyway last week's episode starred an actress who looked familiar and was named Jenny Juggs because her boobs were size G!! She used her breasts to knock people out and break shit, like a pumpkin and a phone. After watching this chesty woman through half an episode I realized who it was, Jenny Juggs was Kiersten Warren who played Alex on Saved by the Bell: The College Years.

Mario and Kiersten reunited after 16 years. I kind of liked The College Years, not as good as the original but still had it's moments. The series only lasted '93-'94.
Now out of the original show I have seen the other actors and actresses in other films and tv shows in the past decade.

Mark Paul Gosselaar is on that show Raising the Bar. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen had her run on Beverly Hills 90210 and Just Shoot Me. Elizabeth Berkley was in Showgirls and had a small part in S. Darko (the Donnie Darko sequel, it sucked.) Lark Voorhies was in Def Jam's how to be a player and I know I've seen her in a few other things but can't remember. Mario Lopez has done the talk show thing and was Greg Louganis in that documentary. Now Dustin Diamond is kind of the one that fell off the map. I believe he was in the David Spade film, Dickie Roberts but other than that he has been under the radar.

Holy shit!! I totally forgot about Saved by the Bell: The New Class. I don't think I really watched that one. I looked it up on IMDB, it ran for 7 seasons and got a rating of 3.7!! Dustin Diamond was on that show with Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding) as the Dean's assistant or something. I also didn't realize that the original Saved by the Bell was only on for 4 years ('89-'93,) then came college. I thought it was on longer. Didn't they start in Jr. high and then high school? What happened to the other kids that didn't stay in the show in Miss Bliss' class? Ah the good old days with Saved by the Bell.....

Postgame Thoughts

Even though the Giants lost, I had a lot of fun at my first NFL football game yesterday. The Giants are playing better but still not up to snuff. Too many penalties and poor red zone offense. Once they get these problems under control they will make a come back and retake first place in the NFC East. Their bye comes at a crucial time, they need to go back and work on the basics. I could talk for hours on this subject but I had a different agenda for this post.

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people go to sporting events for the concession stand. Way too many people getting up all the time to stuff their faces.........sit down and watch the damn game!!! I had to pee once I sat down 10 minutes before the game started and I didn't go to the bathroom until the middle of the 3rd quarter, I didn't want to miss anything. If you're spending $100 for a seat you might as well get your money's worth.

There was a couple next to us at the game that got up and left randomly for like 10-30 minutes at a time, where did they go and what the hell where they doing? People in general bother the shit out of me, I don't understand why people do what they do. Is it just me or do people's actions bother you too?

Some 'Cheese' on Google

It's definitely cool to see my blog in a google search. I wrote a post titled Dirty Mad Libs back on September 13 of this year and if you type in "dirty mad libs" into google my blog comes up in the top five! There seems to be a craze of people looking for mad libs that are dirty. I don't know if anyone is having fun with what I wrote because no one is leaving me love on it. I guess that's okay as long as I get traffic to this bad boy.



If you haven't read it here it is: DirtyMadLibs

Puzzle

I took this from my MENSA puzzle calender: Replace each letter below with the correct digit to make a correct multiplication problem. Each letter represents a different number.

ABCDEFGI

x I

----------------

AAAAAAAAA

Email: Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com

NY Tix

Nicole got me Giants tickets for our anniversary and a Brandon Jacobs jersey. We are going tomorrow (Nov. 8th) for the game against the Chargers. I have never been to an NFL game before, I'm so excited!! Going to a football game is in my dream book. I didn't think I would be going anytime soon. We are also going to be doing a little tailgating before the game. I'm currently cooking up some BBQ and Buffalo chicken..... mmmm.



The G-men better play a good game tomorrow or I am not going to be a happy camper. Eli better step up his game and not throw any interceptions. I'd rather David Carr play instead of an unwary Manning. I'm predicting a rushing massacre against the Chargers, Jacobs is going to chew up that D-line. Giants need this win. I'm not sure who I want to win the Eagles/Cowboys game, I hate them both!! I hate tough decisions.

I finally did it!!

I haven't written much in the past week. I have been focusing a lot on my relationship with Nicole. It was our 2 year anniversary on Thursday, November 5th so we booked a hotel room in Fishkill for 2 nights for some much needed alone time. I bought a ring on Tuesday that she picked out about 2 months ago and I proposed on Thursday (she had no idea), she said yes, of course.

It was definitely an experience to buy an engagement ring and propose to the one I love. It was very scary, nerve racking and exciting all rolled up into one. I think my voice cracked when I asked her to marry me. She didn't believe me at first, she was like "are you serious?" I was a little thrown off guard and said "so is that a yes or no?" She started crying when she realized I was serious.

I'm still kind of shocked that I did it. I never really pictured myself proposing, not that I didn't want to, I just still think of myself as a young lad. I want to be a Toys 'R' Us kid but I guess it's time to grow up and do grown up things now. We haven't set a date yet. We want to wait until one of us is out of school, so probably another few years. We have been talking a lot lately about our future, getting married and having kids so it fit to give her a shiny ring.

The hotel we stayed at was a lot nicer than we expected. It was one of those extended stay deals with a kitchen. It was great to get some privacy since we both still live at home. It was very good times if you know what I mean (wink, wink.) I'm very happy, I have a fiancee now. I had to look that up, "fiance" is a man who is getting married and "fiancee" is a woman who is getting married. I didn't know there were 2 different spellings. You learn something new everyday.

Milestone!

I know it's only a small step but I've surpassed the 1,000 visitor mark on my blog. I have only had my blog for 3 months now but I'm slowly making progress. It's all thanks to you so pat yourself on the back. I'll keep writing if you keep reading. Another achievement I recently hit was 100 posts. The new goal is 5,000 visitors. See you then.

Big Blue, where are you?

Somewhere along the way the Giants forgot how to play professional football. They are playing like the '08 Detroit Lions or the Detroit Lions of any year in the past 10 years for that matter. They are not the same team that started this season. What the fuck happened?

Their defense has been non-existent, teams are finding giant holes in their secondary and they are racking up too many points. I mean both Aaron Ross and Kenny Philips are injured but still that's no excuse. Also what happened to all the sacks this D-line usually gets on opposing QB's? They need Steve Spagnuolo back, he shouldn't of taken that Head Coach job for the Rams, they suck. He's better off coaching the Giants defense then the struggling Rams.

Eli is acting like an inexperienced rookie out there on the field. He is taking way too long before the snap changing up the plays trying to find the perfect one. He is always on the cusp of a delay of game penalty, he received 2 last week against the Cardinals. I'm not sure if him and his WR's aren't communicating but a lot of his passes have been way off mark and a lot have been overthrown. Maybe he should let that foot injury heal and have David Carr take half the snaps. I think they also need a veteran wide out to replace Burress and Toomer. Is Jerry Rice available?

The G-Men need their bye week right now. They need to regroup and watch the last 3 games on tape very closely. I have never been so pissed at their shitty performance. I found myself cursing at the tv yesterday at the Giants and I barely curse in real life. I wouldn't mind them losing if they at least put up a fight. Luckily there was an inkling of a comeback against the Eagles when they scored 10 points from the fumble and kick off recovery but that was short lived after the Eagles scored in the next 20 seconds. I figured they would run over the Eagles with Westbrook out with a concussion, I was dead wrong.

And to think I was going to write a post 3 weeks ago right before the Saints game on how awesome the Giants are that no one could stop them. I would look like a total asshole now. I might have to start rooting for the Raiders again soon, I used to be a fan of the black and silver pre-2002 season.

Tom Coughlin, give the Giants a stern talking to, make them stand in the corner and think about what they did wrong if you have to. Somebody has to start doing something right already.........WTF!!