Accidental Masterpiece

I'm finally back, no thanks to this white stuff. No, not cocaine, the other white stuff, snow. If you are living on the west coast or a cave, the Northeast was hit with 3 days of snow, sleet and rain. It dumped about 2 feet on us, maybe more or less depending on where you live. NYC had a record month of snow for February, 37 inches, beating the old record of 30 inches back in 1895.

The snow storm didn't knock out my power at first. It first knocked out my phone line and if you have been following my blog you would know that this is a big problem because my house is still living in the dark ages with a dial-up connection. So I could not post anything on Friday or Saturday like I wanted to. We got the phone line back but then the power decided to go out, I was already at Nicole's house so I didn't care that much. It finally came back on around 1:30 am on Sunday.

I do love the snow but not when it takes blogging and anything to do with electricity away from me. Okay enough complaining about the snow. Let's get to the fun stuff.

Nicole and I decided to go sledding at her old elementary school. We thought we would have to deal with some whiny nose kids but it was a ghost town. Unfortunately the sled I have sucks major ass. The bottom of it is shaped like a snow mobile, not flat on the bottom but with rails. It doesn't slide down the hill, it kind of burrows underground. I don't know about you but that is not what I look for in a sled. Since the sledding was a bust I decided to try to make a snow man. I started rolling a snowball down the hill so it would accumulate snow and turn into a bigger ball for the bottom of the snow man but it turned into a giant snow wheel instead.

I flipped it over and layed the snow wheel on it's side to create something, I wasn't sure what at the time. I made another smaller snow wheel and place it face up on the other wheel to create a snow chair. Snow is so much easier to mold and shape than clay. After adding more snow and smoothing it out I realized that it looked more like a toilet than a chair. Nicole and I then got to work on making it look more like a toilet. We rounded the front and bottom, made the back more square, we even dug out a hole in the seat and Nicole made a handle. It looked awesome, I wish I had some pics to show you but we both didn't have our phones on us and they probably wouldn't of come out so good with an all white background.

To make it look more like a toilet I decided to add a little yellow dye inside the bowl if you know what I mean. I got some on the seat for good measure. It was a very proud moment, I had never made a snow toilet before today....err yesterday. I just would like to see somebody's reaction when they find this thing randomly behind the school. "Is that a toilet made out of snow?" Priceless!! I have to add a little review by saying that this snow is the best packing snow I have ever laid my hands on. It packs up nice and tight and is great for snowballs or making snow toilets, whatever you're into.

Next time I will make a hot tub and a sink.

Weird Laws: Part Uno

Here is the first installment of "Weird Laws of the U.S." We will start at the beginning of the alphabet and work our way through. I hope you enjoy the odd and zany laws.

ALABAMA

In Jasper, it is illegal for a husband to beat his wife with a stick larger in diameter than his thumb. Beating your wife with a large stick would be crazy. They only want you to bruise your wife not break any bones.

It is illegal to play Dominos on Sunday. God frowns upon games played with square tiles.

It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. God also has a poor sense of humor. What if your real mustache causes laughter, do you have to shave it off? And what if you are playing Jesus in a play?

Putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death. Good thing I was only peppering the tracks, I'd be in big trouble.

ALASKA

In Fairbanks, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. Some of those moose are in Alcoholics Anonymous. You don't want to ruin their sobriety streak.

While it is legal to shoot bears, waking sleeping bears for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited. How else am I going to get that picture with Yogi and Boo Boo? It's bad enough the ranger is always hassling me about it.

ARIZONA

In Tuscon, it is illegal for women to wear pants. What could be the reasoning behind this one? Make it easier to have all the babies?

In Globe, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American. I would think it would be hard to play cards with anyone in the street regardless of their ethnicity or nationality. Maybe the Native American needs to be incorporated as a casino first.

In Glendale, it is illegal to drive a car in reverse. I wonder how their parking lots are set up?

In Nogales, it is illegal to wear suspenders. One of them finally makes sense! Suspenders should be illegal, they are hideous and for some reason only out-of-shape nerds wear them.

ARKANSAS

A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. I think someone from Alabama helped them out with this law. You better make that beating a good one, you have to wait until next month if you're not satisfied. Can I beat my wife on the 31st of January and then again the next day on February 1st?

Schoolteachers who bob their hair may forfeit thier pay raises. The librarian look is out, get with the new style.

Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term. "Dude I wasn't flirting, I was just trying to pick up this hooker."

Q & A

I have been noticing that the question and answer post has been getting popular on a few blogs. I figured that I would try it out and see if I get any bites. I'm going to change the format a little. First I will ask you a question. You will proceed by answering this question in the comments and then you get to ask me a question, it can be anything you want. I will compile the questions and answer them in another post. Let's see if this will work.

Question: If you could have any superhero ability/power, what would it be?

E for Effort

I have to say that I am a little disappointed that nobody really tried to answer the trivia question on Monday. I figured some people would of had fun creating silly answers. I thought the question was odd when I first read it. I love odd trivia.

I have secretly been keeping track of who guesses the trivia correctly. I believe that ASBLACKASOBAMA is currently in the lead. I am going to pick a time frame for when the contest is over. The contest being whoever can get the most trivia questions correct. Now what do you get when you win, well a prize of some sort of course. I haven't figured out what kind of prize I will give out. Don't worry it will be awesome. There will also be a prize for the most creative answers. You don't have to be right, you just have to make me laugh or say WTF?

Participate in the trivia if you are currently not doing so. I am going to make it a weekly thing. The questions are going to be on Mondays and the answers on Tuesdays. Don't be using the internet to find the answers, there is no fun in that. Good luck to all and let's have some fun out there.

Trivia Corner #7 1/2 Answer

Ty Cobb in 1909. Of his 117 career homers, 46 were inside-the-park.

Is the Cobb salad named after him?

Trivia Corner #7 Answer

Blowout patches were pancakes; Zeppelins in a fog were sausages and mashed potatoes; and a First Lady was an order of spare ribs.

I guessed french fries; Funnel cake with powdered sugar; and some sort of sandwich.

Trivia Corner #7 1/2

What Baseball Hall of Fame slugger won the American League home run title with only nine--all of them inside-the-park?

Trivia Corner #7

In diner slang of yore, what would you be served if you ordered blowout patches? How about Zeppelins in a fog or a First Lady?

Peanut Butter: Creamy vs. Chunky

Creamy

Pros

* Spreads like melted butter

* Created first

* A way to get affection from your dog, you know cause it's your dog

* Magically delicious.....wait, no, that's Lucky Charms

* Good source of protein

* Jelly's best friend

* Put George Washington Carver on the map

Cons

* Does not make a good lube

* Fattening

* Killed one of Humpty Dumpty's kids

* Harmful to people with peanut allergies

* Fights with your cold cuts for your affection

* Sticks to the roof of your mouth

Chunky

Pros

* Loaded with peanuts

* Good source of protein

* Awarded with the Medal of Valor for it's service in Vietnam

* They're Grrrrrreat...... nope, that's Frosted Flakes

* Jam's best bud

* Very proficient in Microsoft word and Excel

* Nice and crunchy

Cons

* Tears up the bread

* Choking hazard

* Arrested for 2 DWI's

* Fattening

* Extremely harmful to people with peanut allergies

* High School drop out

I have always liked creamy better than chunky. The deciding vote is the spreadability factor and creamy definitely wins that fight. Chunky is good in other ways. I don't understand the extreme chunky, it's basically just a jar of peanuts with some oil. Is that even spreadable?

Light Bulb!!

I don't know why I didn't think of this before. I should start reviewing restaurants that I dine at. My two favorite hobbies are movies and eating/food. I have missed so many opportunities with all the times I've eaten out over the past 8 months. I am very disappointed in myself to say the least. I definitely need more reviews-you-can't-use on this here blog. This post will be my first review of a restaurant. I will try and put a different spin on things, because that's what I'm about.

Nicole (my fiance) and I ventured off to The Cheesecake Factory for a late lunch, early dinner combo, it was around 4 o'clock. If you are not familiar with The Cheesecake Factory it is an eating establishment known for their famous french fries and root beer. Actually I'm lying, if you can't figure out what they are famous for then you need more help than our economy.

I want to say that it was my 3rd time eating there but I might be off by one. First I want to tell you what I don't like about this place and probably the only thing. The tables are a little too close together. It feels like I'm eating lunch at my High School cafeteria. When we were first seated we were stuck between two other tables with guests already dining. I immediately asked if we could have a more private table. The waiter said sure, there is one in the other room. It was more private, instead of being between two other parties, we had one table to one side and a half a wall to our other. You win some and you lose some. Luckily the people sitting beside us weren't loud and obnoxious. The only thing odd about them is that they didn't order any dessert, how can you go to a restaurant known for famous desserts and not get any? Boggles my mind. That's a fun game: boggle, ever play?

Nicole had the carbonara and I had the bang-bang chicken and shrimp. Both entrees get 2 thumbs up for tastiness and presentation. The dinner is good but the cheesecake is why I go here. The past 2 times I got chocolate chip cookie dough and peanut butter cheesecake which were both very rich and flavorful. This time I went with something simple, I got the original cheesecake with strawberries. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm!! So smooth and creamy you want to savor every last bite. It gives your taste buds an orgasm. I brought the leftovers home, of course, what else would I do with them? Give them to a homeless guy? Let him get his own cheesecake. I had a few bites about a half hour ago (by the way it's 4:30 in the morning) and I think it tasted even better.

If you live somewhere that doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory then I strongly urge you to move or visit a friend that lives near one. If you live near a Cheesecake Factory and you have never been then shame on you. What the hell are you waiting for? Dinner for 2 with appetizer and 2 cheesecakes cost $57 plus tip. If you were wondering, Nicole got the white chocolate macadamia nut with caramel cheesecake or some arrangement of those words.

Wow, this post was a lot longer than anticipated. I will try and trim it down next time. I hope this review wasn't helpful.

Joke Of The Week

Joe has a broken leg. Mike comes over and asks, "How you doin', Joe?" Joe says, "Do me a favor: Run upstairs and get my slippers." Mike goes upstairs and sees Joe's gorgeous 19-year old twin daughters. He says, "Your dad sent me up here to have sex with both of you." One girl replies, "Get out of her. Prove it" Mike shouts downstairs, "Hey, Joe, both of 'em?" Joe shouts back, "Of course, both of 'em! What's the point of fuckin' one?"

Some Cool Facts

A full-grown bear can run as fast as a horse. Why don't we have bears at the track? I'd watch some jockeys try to ride some bears.

There is more real lemon juice in Lemon Pledge furniture polish than in Country Time Lemonade. This is true, I just tasted some Pledge, very lemony.

Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes. That's it, I'm cancelling my donkey ride to Disney World.

Mexico City is built on top of an underground reservoir. Does that mean it may become the lost city of Atlantis?

A roach can live up to nine days without it's head. Who found this out and why? Did they spend my hard earned tax money finding this out?

It takes about 63,000 trees to make the newsprint for the average Sunday edition of The New York Times. So The New York Times is to blame for deforestation. Who reads that whole thing anyway? I just like doing the jumble.

The Best of 1994-2004

I miss the tv show Friends. It was and still is my all time favorite tv sitcom. I try to catch the reruns on TBS whenever I can. I wish they never ended the series. I don't watch as much tv as I used to but I don't think there is another sitcom out there as good as Friends. Also sitcoms nowadays don't last as long, a lot of them get booted after one or two seasons.

I think everybody that has watched the show has played the game "which Friends character am I?" I have always thought I had the most in common with Chandler. The other day I realized that I am a mix of characters. I have the sarcastic sense of humor of Chandler Bing. I share the same intelligence as Ross Geller. I have the same eating habits of Joey Tribbiani. I possess a little OCD like Monica Geller and I'm a bit weird like Phoebe Buffay. Rachel Green is the only one that I really have nothing in common with.

Which Friends star are you and why? What is your all time favorite sitcom?

Trivia Corner #6 Answer

Theodore Roosevelt had a ring with Lincoln's hair. I wonder if that ring is still around and what it is worth nowadays.

I'm going to start posting the trivia answers earlier in the week so you readers aren't waiting on it.

Are People This Dumb?

Yesterday's moron of the day.

Tech support: What is your problem?

Customer: I was going to send an e-mail to someone and wanted to know—will it get delivered today even though it's Presidents Day?

Trivia Corner #6

What U.S. president wore a ring that contained some of Abraham Lincoln's hair?

Trivia Corner #5 Answer

Sherlock Holmes hid his pipe tobacco in his slipper. I guessed a piece of gold gold when I first read it.

A Salute To Genius

I have been trying to think of something clever to add to my blog to be original. I just read some posts at Geof's blog: Enter The Man-Cave, and I am jealous that I didn't come up with what he wrote. I would totally steal his idea if I was more of a douche bag but alas, I am a good person......son of a bitch! If you have never visited his blog you should. He posts spam emails that he gets and the humorous replies that he sends back to them. I wish I was that clever. I will hit the drawing board and come up with something great.

I would like to take this opportunity to announce that I have surpassed 3000 visitors!! So many people to thank, well that might be hard, I don't know everybody's name that visits 'Just the Cheese.' I can thank the 9 followers I have though, you care, you really do. I told myself I wouldn't cry.......

I'm not sure where I was going with this post. I first wanted to give props to Geof but then didn't think any further than that. It seems this is just turning into a late night rant. Maybe it will go somewhere and maybe I will just ramble on about absolutely nothing.

Here's a random thought that I have had before. Have you ever used the word DIABOLICAL in a sentence without referring to a movie, tv show or comic book villain? It seems that word is only meant to be used in corny superhero shows. I can picture Robin saying it in the old Batman show with Adam West.

The only reason that word popped into my head is because I heard Claire Daines use the word PARADOXICAL on The Colbert Report. I thought that can't be an actual word, she just made that up. Sure enough, it is a word. I have never heard anyone use it before. I am going to try to fit 'diabolical' and 'paradoxical' into the same sentence this week. Wish me luck!

Goin' Foreign

I potentially have a lot to write about in this post but for your sake I will try to keep it short and to the point. Recently I got a new car, wait.....correction, my fiance and I got a new car. She is helping me finance it because she is good like that and she doesn't want me to get another piece of crap.

The new car we got is a 2007 Nissan Altima 3.5L V6 SE but before I tell you about the new whip I want to enlighten you about my old ride, a 2001 Chevy Monte Carlo LS. It was definitely a sexy looking car and was fully loaded; heated leather seats, sun roof, traction control, ABS, and On Star. It was pretty good on gas for a big ass car and was great in the snow. Unfortunately after a year of owning this beast things started to go wrong like they usually do for General Motors' vehicles. The engine started to get noisy and I had a slight valve tap that got louder as the months rolled on. I also had to replace an O2 sensor, EGR valve and catalytic converter. Then my heat wasn't working so I figured it was the thermostat, turned out to be a leaky head gasket. Right there I decided to stop driving it before I did any more damage.

So after being car-less for a few weeks, Nicole and I went car shopping. I knew I wanted a used Altima with low mileage and that's exactly what we got. I test drove the V6 and the 4 cylinder models and found that the V6 was a lot smoother. We have had this puppy for about 2 weeks now and I love it. It drives nice and smooth, a lot lighter than the Monte Carlo and more powerful as well. The Monte was a little underpowered for it's size.



What's sweet about the newer Nissan's is the keyless entry and push button start, no more juggling those keys. This baby is quick too, I'm passing people on the highway in a flash. It's not fully loaded like the Monte Carlo was but I'll take reliability and a 5 year/100,000 mile warranty over leather seats any day. This Altima is certified so it drives like its brand new even with 45,000 miles on it.

I just drove it home tonight in the snow and it feels like it's all wheel drive, I didn't slip at all. Even when I tried to fish tail the traction control wouldn't let me. This car has an automatic transmission but has the manual shifting option if you want to shift for fun, I used this to downshift down the hills and bends in the snow.

I wouldn't even be driving this car if it wasn't for my beautiful and caring fiance Nicole. She is way too good to me. It's comforting having someone there to support you when you need it most. Nicole, if you are reading this, Thank you for all your help.

I don't have anything negative to say about the Altima at this time and hopefully I won't have to. This is my first foreign car, I have had all Chevy's up to this point but that is for another post, this one is long enough. If you didn't realize it, this post was a review of the Altima and the first non-movie review. At least I think it is, I can't keep track of what I write anymore.

New Spin on Things

I'm changing things up a little on 'Just the Cheese.' My original plan for this blog was to review lots of movies but it hasn't turned out that way. So I'm going to review other things besides movies. I'm not going to ruin the surprise by telling you the upcoming reviews, you're just going to have to wait and see. Before I start with a change of subject I'm going to continue with a movie review.

My fiance and I watched 'Nights in Rodanthe' last night. If you are looking for a cuddle-up romance then I recommend this one. Richard Gere and Diane Lane looked great together and their romantic scenes put me in the mood for some romance. There is nothing like cuddling up with the one you love and planting some kisses on them.

When I first saw the trailer for this movie back who-knows-when it intrigued me especially with Gavin Rossdale's single 'Love remains the same.' The scenes they showed in the commercials went perfectly with that song. Now I'm kind of sick of that song because I hear it all the time at work but it is still a good song. After watching the movie last night I realized during the credits that the song wasn't even in the movie. I hate when they do that kind of shit. I hate it even more when they show a scene in the trailer that's not even in the actual movie but I digress.

I don't want to ruin the movie for any of you that want to see it but there are some surprises in the film. It's a winner if you're a guy or girl, Richard Gere is a handsome older man and I think Diane Lane is kind of hot for an older woman. If you are single and want to watch this movie then it might make you feel more lonely than you already are so make sure you have a date.

This was my first non-comedy, non-action movie review. It's a bit tougher to review I think. I am probably going to stick with stuff I can make fun of or call awesome from now on. I tried my best and that counts for a little something.

Trivia Corner #5

According to author Sir Arthur Conan Doyle , what did Sherlock Holmes keep near his fireplace in the toe end of a Persian slipper?

Got Milk?

It has been brought to my attention that I might not be doing enough "reviews you can't use" here at 'Just the Cheese.' The reason being I don't watch as many movies as I use to. I haven't been going to the movies as much and I put my Netflix on hold for awhile. I have kind of lost that urge to watch movies for some odd reason. That needs to change, movies are my biggest hobby. My second hobby is watching Seinfeld reruns and that gets old. Luckily for you I actually watched a movie the other night so naturally I thought I would review it or something to that effect.

I rented 'Milk' from the library last week but didn't watch it until Friday night. You can't go wrong with a free movie rental from the ol' public library, they have a lot of new selections there too.

If you are not familiar with this film, it is about the first openly gay man elected to office back in the 1970's. Harvey Milk is played by the talented Mr. Sean Penn, supported by James Franco (one of his lovers.)

The movie is a true story about his political life and what he does while he is in office. It got my feathers all ruffled. People can be so damn small-minded and ignorant. There was a politician back then that was trying to pass a law/bill to fire all gay teachers and anyone in the school system that supported them. Their argument was that these teachers were trying to recruit the kids into being gay, that since they couldn't have a family of their own that they would pass along their homosexuality to the kids. They also said that all gay teachers were child molesters and pedophiles. This just really pissed me off. I hate people that think this way. You can't teach someone how to be gay, you are born with it. You don't just one day decide to be gay.

Harvey Milk runs for office about 5 times before he wins a supervisor position and from that point on makes a huge difference. He really fought for gay rights. Ironically enough he lived and held office in San Francisco. The movie makes me want to go into politics to fight the power and I know nothing about politics. I was actually surprised that an openly gay man was elected to office back in the '70s. It seems like it wouldn't be accepted by enough people, I mean it took us 'til 2008/2009 to elect a black president. I wonder what the chances are of ever having a gay president? Is that possible or are there too many small-minded people in this country?

'Milk' is a good movie, a little slow to get going but definitely inspiring and enlightening. There are a few romantic scenes with Sean Penn and a few male actors just to warn you if that's not your cup-of-tea. That must be hard as an actor to have an intimate scene with someone of the same sex. They have to make it look real and convincing. I don't know if I could kiss another dude if I was an actor. Odd thing to think about, huh? I recommend seeing 'Milk,' it was an eye-opener to say the least.

Joke TIme

A flea had oiled up his little flea legs and his little flea arms, had spread out his blanket, and was proceeding to soak up the Miami sun when who should stumble by on the beach but an old flea friend of his.
"Oscar, what happened to you?", asked the flea, because Oscar looked terrible, wrapped up in a blanket, his nose running, his eyes red, and his teeth chattering.
"I got a ride down here in some guy's mustache and he came down here by motorcycle. I nearly froze my nuts off," wheezed Oscar.
"Let me give you a tip, old pal," said the first flea, spreading some more suntan oil on his shoulders. "You go to the stewardess lounge at the airport, see, and you get up on the toilet seat, and when an Air Florida stewardess comes in to take a leak, you hop on for a nice warm ride. Got it?"
So you can imagine the flea's surprise when, a year later, while stretched out all warm and comfortable on the beach, who should he see but Oscar - looking more chilled and miserable than last time.
"Listen," said Oscar, "I did everything you said. I made it to the stewardess lounge and waited till a really cute one came in, and made a perfect landing and got so warm and cozy that I dozed right off."
"And so?" asked the first flea.
"And so the next thing I know, I'm on this guy's mustache again!"

Helpful Guide To V-Day

THE GIFT TRANSLATOR: What you mean to say compared to What she thinks you're saying. Find out what your valentine's day present really says about you.

Box of chocolates: You - "You are as sweet and delicious as this candy." Her - "I stopped at a drugstore on my way to pick you up!"

Crotchless Panties: You - "It would be so hot if you wore these." Her - "I have probably been with hookers."

Home-Cooked Meal: You - "I love you so much, I put my heart and soul into this dinner." Her - "I lied about getting that holiday bonus."

Tickets to a Show: You - "I hate musicals, but I'll take you to one because you love them and maybe I'll get some nookie." Her - "There's something I need to tell you about me and my friend Frank."

Engagement Ring: You - "Fine, here you go. All your harping has paid off." Her - "You're the only one for me, and I can't wait to spend my life with you!"

I found this in Maxim, I wish I could take the credit. Just get the little lady some jewelry, you can't go wrong with something shiny. And a bunch of good smelling flowers. Don't procrastinate, get your gifts now and plan something special.

Trivia Corner Answers (#3 & #4)

U.S. city with 3 pro sports teams is Atlanta, Georgia: Thrashers, Falcons, Hawks.

Al Capone offered the $10,000 reward.

Cookie Dabacle

So last night on my break at work I was enjoying some delicious vanilla alphabet cookies. They are basically animal crackers in letter form. I was trying to spell out something with the letters I had left: D-I-O-N-4. That's right there was the number four mixed in with the letters, I was puzzled. Someone at the cookie factory must have made a boo boo. I am outraged and planning on writing an angry letter to the cookie company. When I sit down to eat some alphabet cookies I expect to only find letters not numbers. What's next, finding a regular Oreo mixed in with the Double Stuf? Lays with my Doritos? I don't mind meat mixed with my mashed potatoes but this is too much.

Trivia Corner #4

What notorious criminal offered a $10,000 reward--from jail--for information leading to the safe recovery of aviator Charles Lindbergh's kidnapped son?


Email: Reviewsyoucantuse@gmail.com