More Dad Jokes

I used to be a bartender for the mob.

 It was whiskey business.




Why are Saturday and Sunday so strong?

Because the rest are weekdays.



I would like a new boomerang, but I can't seem to be able to throw the old one away.



Who is the smartest monster?

Frankeinstein



Check out my newest Youtube video about giraffes. Click HERE.

Add a Word, Ruin a Song

Genie in a Bottle Rocket - Christina Aguilera

No Hospital Scrubs - TLC

My Heart Murmur Will Go On - Celine Dion

Smells Like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Spirit - Nirvana

I Don't Want to Swiss Miss a Thing - Aerosmtih

Baby One More Hammer Time - Britney Spears

My Twitter Name is - Eminem

Black or White  Cookie - Michael Jackson

Sweet Only Child O' Mine - Guns N' Roses

Hotel California Raisins - The Eagles

Every Breath Strip You Take - The Police

Papa's Got a Brand New Colostomy Bag - James Brown

Return of the Big Mack - Mark Morrison

Night Stand by Me - Ben E King

Hot Pocket in Herre - Nelly

Like a Virgin Suicide - Madonna

Hanging Drywall by a Moment - Lifehouse

Summer Camp of '69 - Bryan Adams

Spiral Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin

I Hershey Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry

Other orgasms in life

There a few things in life that are as satisfying as an orgasm. What do you agree with? What would you add to the list?

 Sticking a Q-tip in your ear after a shower

: Unexpectedly good food

Scratching that itch on your foot or back 

A really good relieving poop

Finally getting that piece of food out of your teeth

Equalizing the pressure in your ears

Peeing after holding it for way too long

Putting on a brand new pair of socks

The smell of bacon frying

Beating your spouse at a board game

Cracking your back

Popping a stubborn pimple

Finally remembering the name of that actor or the name of that movie without using the Internet

Finishing an entire crossword puzzle by yourself

No lines at the DMV

Making a half court shot playing basketball

Do you know anything about me?

I never talk about my personal life on here. I have tried to remain mysterious and just let my content do the job. Most people use their real name as their blogger name. I stayed true to my random humor by being Powdered Toast Man. I decided to take off the mask today and share some things about me.

My real name is Jamie Scully.

I am 35 years old.

I am married and have 3 kids, 2 girls and 1 boy.

My wife is Nicole.

Olivia is 6.

Ryan is 3.

Emma is 5 months.

I am from New York. I lived in Connecticut for the past 7 years. I cam back to New York.

I work at a bank as Head Teller.

I am a night owl.

I love writing and am currently editing my first book.

I have been blogging for 10 years, on and off.

I am very nostalgic.

I have hit 6 deer with 5 different cars.

I love movies, magic, puzzles, giraffes, board games, stand-up comedy, books, football, blogging, coffee, hot sauce, a good poop, mangoes, hummus, Green Day, stuff from the 90's, shooting my kids with Nerf guns, the smell of fresh cut grass, classic cars and much more that you probably don't care about.

My dad died when I was 12.

I have an older sister and younger brother.

I have one tattoo of a spider on my right forearm. (my 2nd blog post)

I went to school for marketing and haven't done anything with it.

I used to think Euthanasia was referring to children in China (youth in Asia).

Starting Something New

I decided to venture out of my comfort zone and start a YouTube channel. I can finally be one of the cool kids and sit in the back of the bus. It is essentially going to be an extension of my blog. It is called Reviews You Can't Use. I will be reviewing Pop Culture from the 80's, 90's and 2000's. I will also have random reviews about whatever pops into my head like giraffes or pumpkin pie. I plan on taking some content from here and also making some new stuff. It will be silly, funny and head scratching.

I will continue to post here as I normally do. I will still visit and comment on your blogs as I already do. I need to keep those creative juices flowing. You will finally see me as me instead of Powdered Toast Man. My name is Jamie, nice to make your acquaintance.

I have only posted two videos and they are kind of terrible but hey you gotta start somewhere. I reviewed Paw Patrol and The Goonies. If you frequent YouTube a lot or even a tiny amount, check me out. Hit me up with some love in the form of likes and comments. Subscribe if you want to see me make an ass of myself.

Click HERE to be transported my YouTube channel.

Thank you in advance for the support. Do any of you have channels?

Failed Marketing - Trampoline

Failed names:

Bouncematic

The Paralyzer

The Jump-Around

Boingity-Boing

Elastic Hammock

Sprungster

Tigger's Best Friend

Lawn Ruiner

Coil Up

Hoppin' High

Failed slogans:

You'll bounce so high you could grab a cloud

More fun than jumping on the bed

Who need s a pool when you can jump high

The Pogostick's worst enemy

Something even grandma can enjoy

Safe for the entire family

Now everyone can be a gymnast 

Today's Dad Jokes

Yo mam is so strong, The Rock calls her paper.


I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eye. Now I have Heinzsight.


Q: Why do dogs run in circles?

A: Because it is hard to run in squares


Sweden doesn't export its cattle because it wants to keep its Stockholm.

Unusually Great Words

I came across some unusual words. Some you may know but most of them you probably haven't heard of, until now.

Xertz

Kakorrhaphiophobia

Ulotrichous

Winklepicker

Tittynope

Yarborough

Quire

Nudiustertian

Jentacular

Impignorate

Halfpace

Agastopia

Scrumptious

Gobbledygook

Serendipity

Blogger doesn't believe most of these are actually words.

Dad Jokes of the Week

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

 - Frostbite


What kind of animal meows and has eight legs?

- An octopuss


Have you heard of the famous composer who would only work from his bed?

- He made a lot of sheet music.

Reviews You Can't Use

 

RE-POST FROM 2011


Fast Five - I know I waited too long to review this one but I don’t care. Maybe my review will sway you to rent or buy the DVD. I didn’t get my hopes up in seeing this movie since it was the fifth movie of the Fast and Furious series. I have to say I was blown away. It is the best Fast & Furious since the original. Very action packed plus it had The Rock in it and how can you go wrong with that? I gotta tell ya, if I had a vagina I would get all hot and sweaty watching Vin Diesel and The Rock (or Dwayne Johnson for all you non wresting fans) duke it out. Maybe they have a kissing scene in the movie. You won’t know until you see it.

The Hangover: Part 2 – Obviously this one can’t match what the first one had but it was still pretty funny. I think a lot of people are being too critical of it. The only thing I didn’t like is that Justin Bartha got the short end of the stick again. They must have caught him stealing the boom mic or something. I heard they are already in the process of making The Hangover: Part 3. If they try the hangover plot again then it will suck. They need to do something totally different in order to be awesome.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – Johnny Depp is always awesome in whatever he is in and you don’t have to see the first three to enjoy this one. As an added extra for the guys and lesbian, Penelope Cruz looks hot in it. See it, don’t see it, I’ll sleep at night either way.

Now what if Alan from The Hangover somehow stumbled upon The Black Pearl from Pirates of the Caribbean? This is how I think it would play out.

Jack Sparrow finds Alan sleeping in his bed, he nudges Alan with his boot.

Jack Sparrow: What is the meaning of this? Who are you?

Alan: (mumbling in his sleep) No, mom, I want scrambie eggs, not fried.

Jack kicks him harder and Alan falls out of the bed. Alan wakes up.

Alan: What? Where am I? What did you do with Phil?

Jack: You are aboard the Black Pearl. Who’s Phil?

Alan: Phil is one of my best friends. I’ll sing the song in a minute. What did you do with my pager? What if Phil was trying to get in touch with me?

Jack: I don’t understand what you are saying. How did you get aboard my ship and into my bed?

Alan: I don’t know. All I remember from last night was there was a lot of drinking and a monkey. Why are you dressed like a pirate? Are you in some sort of play?

Jack: I’m Jack Sparrow.

Alan: Who? Do you do Disney on ice too?

Jack: I am Jack Sparrow, Captain of the Black Pearl. He pulls out his sword for emphasis.

Alan: Cool sword, do they give that to you or do you have to buy it yourself? I have my own light saber but it’s at home.

Jack: Crew, tie this idiot to the main mast.

Alan: I get to be in the show? Thanks Pete.

Jack: My name is Jack, you idiot.

Alan: Sorry, Jack, I’m not good with names.

Jack: Never mind, don’t tie him up. Just toss him overboard. I can’t take another minute of his mouth.

Alan: Way to stay in character. You are a good actor. I tried to be an actor once, I went by the name Jonathon Bobbit but everyone always laughed when I told them my name so I never got any callbacks.

Jack: Throw him overboard before I stab him to death first.

The crew lifts Alan up and prepares to throw him overboard

Jack: Any last words?

Alan: Do you have a Jack in the Box around here? I’m starving.

Jack: Throw him over

To be continued….

Find out another week what happens to Alan.