Truths Revealed: Winnie the Pooh

The truth behind Winnie the Pooh and the 100 Acre Wood.

Winnie the Pooh – He was made fun of a lot in high school because he has Pooh in his
name so he developed an eating disorder. He also is an only child and never learned to
share. He is in constant need of attention and flaunts his honey but never shares it.

The Rabbit – Was raised by physically and verbally abusive parents. He was kicked out
of high school for cursing out the principal. He has also been banned from several Anger
Management Groups. He always needs to be in control and has terrible OCD (Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder).

Piglet – His father always told him to be the best and wouldn’t accept anything less than
perfect. Piglet had a nervous breakdown at age 20 and was hospitalized for 3 months. He
currently takes pills for his anxiety but they don’t seem to help. He is a neat freak because
of his father.

Tigger – Has had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) since birth. He had to
be held down by his siblings just to feed off his mother’s teats. One time, in the middle of
taking a poop he chased after a butterfly.

Eeyore – Is clinically depressed. His parents disowned him when he came out of the
closet. They blame his homosexuality on the fact that he has to get his tail nailed to his
ass every once in awhile. He currently takes anti-depressants but they don’t seem to help.

Owl – Has developed paranoia after serving in the military. He assumes everyone is out
to get him so he spies on his “friends”. He has a record of being a peeping tom.

Kanga – Developed severed Postpartum Depression after giving birth to Roo. This
explains her being an overbearing and overprotective mother. She has a drinking problem
that she hides very well. She demands to give Roo a bath every night and dress him in the
morning.

Roo – To cope with his overbearing mother he scores Xanax and Speed from guys on the
edge of the woods. It makes him very constipated.

Christopher Robin – Schizophrenic that imagines talking animals in the woods behind
the institution that he is committed at.

Problems in Jellystone Park

Ranger Smith and Boo Boo have been worried about Yogi Bear for a long time now. They think his obsession with stealing picnic baskets has gotten way out of hand. They have decided to do the best thing for Yogi by staging an intervention. The Ranger and Boo Boo have brought Yogi to our studios to talk to him. Yogi doesn't know he is heading into an intervention. He thinks he is here to meet RawknRobyn and The Invisible Seductress. He is huge fans of them both and wants their autographs real bad. I, Powdered Toast Man, will be in charge of the intervention. I have no prior experience (don't tell Ranger Smith and Boo Boo that, they are paying me a hefty sum to do this) and I am just going to wing it. Shhh, here they come now.

PTM: Welcome fellas, take a seat and we will get started (Locks door behind them).

Yogi Bear: I am so excited. I have always wanted to meet RawknRobyn and Seductress. They are my favorite bloggers and I have a huge crush on one of them.

Ranger Smith: Yeah, well, I have a huge crush on  (peering at Boo Boo). I mean, how long will this take? I've got a meeting with Mrs. Possum in 15 minutes. (He sets the alarm on his watch).

  

Boo Boo:  I live directly across from Mrs Possum! In fact if I leave my window shades up she can see RIGHT in my shower but she moved out months ago! I have seen a strange realtor videotaping from the window, though they're probably just getting it ready to sell.

PTM: Well Yogi, there has been a change of plans. Unfortunately, we tricked you into coming here. You are here for a different reason. You are not here to see Robyn and Seductress. You have a serious problem and we are all here to help you

Yogi Bear: Is it because of my chronic masturbation?

PTM: Err, no but we might get back to that afterwards. Go ahead Boo Boo, tell him why he is here.

Boo Boo: Are you sure we couldn't address the chronic masturbation issue first PTM? There has not been an unviolated fruity pastry in Jellystone Park for years, and maybe the two are related! Yogi, pie violations aside, your picnic basket thievery has gotten out of hand and we are here to help you work through it.

PTM: Ranger Smith, is there anything you want to add before we get started?

Ranger Smith: (Eyeing Boo Boo, licking his lips) What? Oh, no, not a thing to add.

Yogi Bear: @#$% all of you.

.PTM: Now Yogi, there is no reason for such language. We are here to help.

Yogi Bear:  Who put you in charge anyway? And why is your head shaped like a piece of bread?

PTM: They put me in charge and I was born this way.

Boo Boo: I do see the issue here PTM. Your warm buttery accentuated head and finely sculptured abs wrapped entirely in flattering blue Lycra makes my mouth water! Are you seeing anybody?

PTM: Thank you Boo Boo for that disturbing compliment. As a side note I'm not attracted to male bears unless they are in the circus.

Ranger Smith: (Clearing his throat, sticking chest out, and unbuttoning top shirt button) Lycra is my specialty, Boo Boo

Yogi Bear: What the hell is going on here?!? How is it that I'm the one with the problem?

PTM: The first step is admitting you have a problem. Oh wait, that's the 11 step program.

Yogi Bear: Don't you mean the 12 step program you sorry excuse for a man. Are you even qualified to be running an intervention. Where did you go to college?

PTM: I didn't exactly err go to umm *cough* . Never mind me. Now where was I? Dammit you stupid ass Bear, I've lost my train of thought. Ranger Smith, put this Bear in his place while I try to figure out what I was gonna say.

Ranger Smith: Yogi, I’m afraid I need to discipline you again. Remember who’s the boss? (Wink).

Yogi Bear: I'm going to say Angela, no Tony, no definitely Angela is the boss. Mona wishes she could be the boss. Oh Alyssa Milano, if only I weren't a bear.

Boo Boo: And if only Alyssa was a warm pastry!! (Nudge, nudge) right Yogi??

PTM: Yogi,why do you feel the need to steal picnic baskets?

Yogi Bear: Probably because my dad abandoned me when I was only 6 and my mom verbally and physically abused me.

PTM: Really, wow, I didn't know that. I am so sorry.

Yogi Bear: Ahhh what a douche, you actually believed me?

PTM: That's not funny Yogi. Why can't you take this seriously?

Yogi Bear: Did you hear they took the word gullible out of the dictionary? You should check.

PTM: I already fell for that when Fred Flintstone got me with it. I'm not falling for it again.

Yogi Bear: Hey Boo Boo, do you believe this guy? What an arse!

Ranger Smith: (Looking up "gullible" in his handy pocket dictionary.)  Mmmhmm, just as I suspected. It's right here on page 58, with a little picture of me. Look, Boo Boo. (Whispering) You can't tell from the photo, but I was wearing blue Lycra underneath my uniform. (Wink, wink).

Boo Boo: Can I lick your cheek PTM?

PTM: Okay Boo Boo you can get one lick but that's it.

(Boo Boo spreads a little butter on PTM's cheek and slowly licks it off. He then tries to caress PTM's abs).

PTM: (slapping Boo Boo's paw) Keep your hands off my abs, you can look but not touch.

Boo Boo:  Yogi, I think maybe our relationship has come to a climax (Stares lovingly at PTM).

Yogi Bear: But Boo Boo who is going to be my catcher on those cold, cold nights? You have always been there to help relieve my "stress".

Boo Boo: Those are not my fondest of memories and we promised NOT to speak of it!! We NEVER need to speak of it!!

PTM: I am curious to know the details of those events. It seems like you two have a lot of unresolved issues that you need to work out. I would like to have you too back here another time to discuss them.

(Boo, Boo hides in the corner and starts sobbing)

Ranger Smith: (His watch alarm goes off) Time's up. I gotta go. I can't keep a good Possum waiting, fellas if you know what I mean. I’ll catch you later, Boo Boo (Wink, wink).

PTM: Well, I suppose we will end the intervention there. No use continuing without the Ranger. Next time we will have Chuck Norris in to discuss why he wouldn't let Ranger Smith become a Texas Ranger.

Yogi Bear: Are we going to talk about my masturbation problem now?

PTM: No Yogi, I'm sorry but we are all out of time for today. Call up my secretary tomorrow and schedule a meeting. I will see if Dr. Phil is available to sit down with us. He owes me a favor after I took care of that "problem" that him and Oprah had.

Yogi Bear: In that case I need to use the bathroom. (He runs off into the bathroom with a huge erection).

PTM:  (whispers to himself) I need to find another line of work. I wonder if the Red Lobster is still hiring?

I want to throw out a big thanks to RawknRobyn and The Invisible Seductress for lending their talents for this intervention. Robyn played the part of Ranger Smith and Seductress played the part of Boo Boo. Thank you girls, you were awesome as always. I played the parts of PTM and Yogi Bear. I hope Yogi finds the help he needs. 

Top 10 Cartoons

I was going to do a top 10 list of my favorite cartoons from my childhood but I found more than 10 and I couldn't narrow it down. These are in no particular order because it would be too hard to do that. I miss my old cartoons. Cartoons nowadays just don't stand up to the oldies. The only ones that I like nowadays are SpongeBob SquarePants, Jimmy Neutron, and Fairly Odd Parents.

Duck Tales - I have to say that this one is one of my favorites. I love the theme song, I used to have it as a ring tone on my phone. I really like the video game too for Nintendo.

Darkwing Duck - Sadly this show only lasted 2 years, I don't know why, it was kick-ass. I loved the theme music to this show too.... "let's get dangerous."

Chip & Dale Rescue Rangers - I currently have this set as my text message ring tone. Did you know that the voice of Monterey Jack was Peter Cullen, same guy that does the voice of Optimus Prime from Transformers (cartoon & movies).

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - This is probably my all time favorite show. I had most of the action figures, bed sheets, pajamas and I was a ninja turtle for Halloween back in the day and again when I was 19 wearing the same costume from when I was 5. It was hilarious. I probably have a pic somewhere that I will have to post another day.

Doug - I always used to wonder how to spell his last name. What is 'Funny' or 'Funnie'? It's Funnie, I just looked it up on IMDb.

Pinky and the Brain - I liked this show more than Animaniacs. I believe this started as a short on there first before it got it's own time slot. NARF! TROZ! ZORT! POIT!

Tale Spin - Did you know that Sally Struthers did the voice for Rebecca Cunningham? I always thought it was Kirstie Alley for some reason. I always loved this game for Nintendo too. Also Michael Gough (Alfred from Tim Burton's Batman) did the voice for Colonel Spigot.

Bobby's World - The days when Howie Mandel had hair. I totally forgot about this show until I was surfing Wikipedia for old cartoons.

Garfield and Friends - I still read the Garfield comic strip.

Spider-Man - I never read the comics but I loved the cartoon. MARY JANE!!!!

X-men - Another cartoon with an awesome opening theme intro. Gambit is my favorite X-men.

Inspector Gadget - I didn't realize this show was from 1983. I must have watched reruns because I was born in '84. Go go gadget copter.

The Angry Beavers - This one is later in my childhood. I don't think I liked it at first but then it grew on me.

Captain Planet and the Planeteers - It seems like this cartoon should be on nowadays because of the saving the environment angle. This show is so corny but I liked it for some reason.

The Simpsons - On since 1989, they are still making original episodes. I don't really watch it that much anymore but I watched it all the time in my younger days. I will catch an episode here or there when I can.

I know I'm missing some but I didn't want the list to be too long. I should probably have Transformers, Smurfs, Fragglerock, Thundercats, Batman and a bunch of others but I wanted to name some that might have flown under the radar.

Anyone remember Doug's bangin' on a trash can song? Here is a cool video of that song.




What cartoons would be one your list?

Life is like a hurricane.....

One of my favorite cartoons growing up was DuckTales. I also loved the video game for Nintendo. I'm going to throw out some trivia for you.


What is the name of the little girl that Huey, Dewey and Louie played with?

Bob Barker or Drew Carey?

According to the polls no one wants Bob Barker as their hero. He is my hero. I used to watch The Price is Right everyday before school back in the day. Ever since I was a little tike I've wanted to be on The Price is Right. I wanted tickets to the show for my 18th birthday but sadly my wish was not granted. Now I have missed the boat because Drew Carey is the host and Bob is somewhere getting a lap dance from a 19 year old girl "working her way through school."

I don't like Drew as the host, he tries to be funny where as Bob was classy and suave. Did you know that Bob had a few sexual harassment suits on the show? He was a little too touchy feely with the stage girls; very naughty. I still want to be on the show but it won't be the same without Bob. Anybody share my feelings?

I started this post to talk about my 2 polls not to talk about Mr. Barker. Somehow My little Pony is winning as people's favorite cartoon. Either there are more ladies visiting my blog or people are just trying to be funny. I thought TMNT would win out by a landslide, it's a closer race than I figured. I loved DuckTales, that show was awesome and so was the game for Nintendo. I can still recite the theme song to it; yup I'm a loser, but one with good cartoon taste.

If you haven't voted yet there are only 1-2 weeks left and we need a clear cut winner. I don't want My Little Pony to win and Bob needs some votes. Spongebob and Batman are tied, who will be victorious?