Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Plucked from my brain

Every now and again a thought will enter my head and I think to myself, maybe I should share that? I would say I forget 80% of what I want to write. Most of these thoughts happen while I am driving or in the shower. Neither of which is a good time to be typing on a phone, tablet or computer.

What is up with the Star Registry program? Apparently you can name a star after someone and it only costs $59. Sorry this scam is only if you live in the United States but they might have a similar program where you live. I don't recall the U.S. owning the sky or the stars so I don't know how they are able to do this. The guy in the radio commercial sounds like Penn Jillette. What a lame present to give someone. How the fuck do you know where the star is?

"Hey, I was lazy so I named a star after you."
"Which one?"
"Umm, that one." (points randomly at the sky)
 "How much did it cost?"
"Only $59!)
"Next time just give me the money, douche."

Let's change the subject. Say you are moving into your first apartment and you bought all brand new stuff, new furniture, new utensils, new linens, new toiletries, etc. Say you bought a new pair of scissors and new set of steak knives. How do you open the packages without having a pair of scissors or knife to open it? You will never be able to tear open that thick plastic. Seems like a catch-22. You might have to knock on your neighbors door to borrow their scissors unless their scissors are still in the packaging from when they moved in. This situation could spiral out of control.

Two topics to discuss with your friends.


DEZMOND said...

for a second there I was afraid you was gonna say most of your ideas come when you're in the toilet :))

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Good point about the scissors. You'd also never get into your DVDs or CDs again.

Adam said...

I'd do it only if aliens would know it too

A Beer for the Shower said...

If I bought a new pair of scissors, and I had no scissors in which to open those scissors, that's probably the point that I'd just burst into tears and scream for an adult.

Mark said...

The packaging on knives is just the worst. Why would they put something in a container that you can't open without the thing in the container? Just wrap scissors and knives in paper and let Darwin take care of the rest.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

You're right about the stars. Imagine how many different names the North Star has (Gertrude, Vladimir, Beevus and...). That's a really lousy fake gift.

And as for the second scenario, use your teeth.

Jenny Baranick said...

All the tags would be left on your new linens. You'd have to take bites out of the big block of cheese. We really do take knives and scissors for granted.

Pat Tillett said...

This post requires thinking to a depth that I no longer possess. Maybe that kind of packaging should be outlawed. I'll get right on it...