Monday, January 16, 2017

New Year's Top Ten Goals

  1. To stop picking my nose in the car and swiping the boogers under the seat
  2. To stop jerking off while the dog is watching me
  3. To finally ask the barista at the coffee house about her uni-brow
  4. To find out what the parents of Dick Butkus were thinking when they named him
  5. To yell out the 'N' word on a city bus just to see what happens
  6. To finally gain the courage to beat up a clown
  7. To go up to the hot girl that works at Abercrombie & Fitch, grab her big titties and run like the wind
  8. To cut a bagel perfectly in half
  9. Learn to play the bagpipes, then to never play them again
  10. Get a random game of Tag going at a gas station 



Birgit said...

So nice to see you back and if you say that word on the bus, I'll be at your memorial:) I love your goals and find them much more plausible than exercising or cleaning out a closet said...

And this post, my friend, this is why I miss you. Do let us know what Dick Butkus' parents were thinking.
Happiness to you and yours.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Clowns have it coming anyway. You might not want to know about that uni-brow though.

Adam said...

Add "Trump America" for bonus effect to number 5

Ruth said...

If you trade your car in, the next owners are surely in for a treat.

Andrea said...

So now where are you putting the boogers? And does slicing the bagel vertically count?

Mark said...

My only problem with this list is that I think some of these are illegal. Good luck with the things that won't land you in jail though. Unibrows creep me out.