Thursday, January 19, 2017

Interview with my 3 month old son

I have finally decided it is time to sit my son, Little Toast, down and have a formal interview. He is only 3 months old but he has already mastered the English language.

Powdered Toast Man: Thank you son for sitting down with me and letting the blogosphere know what you're all about.
Little Toast: No problem dad, glad to share my thoughts.

PTM: Now I said that you are 3 month old but you will be 4 months old in a week. Would you rather I say that you are 3 or 4 months old?
Little Toast: Let's stick with 3 months, I don't want the ladies to think that I am too old for them.

PTM: Good thinking, you always need to impress the ladies. I know you can't really do much since you are still a baby and have no control over your arms or legs but what would you say is the favorite part of your day?
Little Toast: Sucking on mommy's titties.

PTM: We have a lot in common because that is my favorite part of the day too. Now just for your information son, those jugs were mine first. You are just renting them out for a little longer  so enjoy them while you can.
Little Toast: You jealous pop? I knew it,  you are always eye balling me when it's time for dinner. Let me suck them dry, then you can have the empty bags.

PTM: I think you are getting a little big for your britches. You better watch what you say. Let's move on. During a diaper change do you pee on purpose?
Little Toast: Most babies want you to think this is done involuntarily but we have full control. It is about the only think I can do so I take advantage when you take off the diaper. I'm aiming for your eye but I can never reach.

PTM: That is pretty fucked up Little Toast. How about I pee in your eye?
Little Toast: And how about I call CPS?

PTM: Point taken. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Little Toast: You can't come up with a more original question? How about you think outside the box for once.

PTM: Ok, no reason to get nasty. Who would you rather have sex with, Scarlett Johansson or Jessica Biel?
Little Toast: Those are both fine ass bitches but I would nail Jessica Biel. She seems like she would be easier to bang. How about you pops?

PTM: I've jerked off to Scarlett Johansson more times that I can count so that is my answer.
Little Toast: Damn, I wish I could jerk off. I can't get a hang of these arms yet.

PTM: In due time son, in due time. And once that time comes oh how magical it is. Just don't let your mother catch you.
Little Toast: I think we offended a lot of the audience. Half of them left.

PTM: They must have never seen my show before. 90% of the time the conversations leads towards boobs and jerking off.
Little Toast: You can't win them all dad.

PTM: No you can't son. Any final words? We are out of time.
Little Toast: What's a clitoris?

PTM: I will tell you in 15 years. That's our show. Have a good day. 

Come back next time when I will be interviewing The Red and Yellow M&M's. 


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

He's going to grow up to be just like you...

Birgit said...

At least Little Toast didn't tell you that you sucked on your mom's titties as that might gross you out. I would say poop must be worse than pee

Jenny Baranick said...

I think it's very promising that he wants to know what a clitoris is!

Adam said...

Such an advanced vocab for that age

Mark said...

If you can rein in the megolamania and ego that kid is gonna go far.

Pat Tillett said...

Babies today are such smart asses!
The apple didn't fall far from the tree...