Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Missed Connections

These are real missed connections from Craigslist. The replies may or may not be true.

Missed Connection #1:

Bartender at Applebee's - m4w - 38 (Torrington)

I came into Applebee's a few days ago and sat at the bar. From the first time I looked at you I could not take my eyes off of you. I have not been this attracted to a woman in a very long time. I have not been able to get you off of my mind since seeing you. I think you are just stunning with just the right amount of personality and sex appeal. I found everything about you to be absolutely beautiful. I think you mentioned a husband, but I can not be totally sure. I would love to go out for a drink sometime, unfortunately I am sure you will never see this. The day I met you was a special day for some, but seamed like a normal day for us. Let me know what I told you I was going to do later that night. I hope to see you again in the future.

Dear Pervy Bar Patron,

I talk to so many people during my shift that I cannot remember every guy that is drooling over me. If I had to guess at what you told me you were going to do that night it was that you were going to masturbate to a Princess Leia Doll. As a matter of fact I did tell you that I have a husband but only so you wouldn't ask me out. I am not actually married but I do keep a baseball bat with a few nails in it under the bar counter. I dare you to come back and hit on me.

Missed Connection #2:

wanda from foodbag 24 years ago. - m4w (Danbury)

I'm looking fo a female named wanda, she worked at food bag on division st. 24 years ago. Blonde hair, had a little baby.

Dear Desperate for Love,

i've known Wanda for 27 years. I have some bad news for you. About 23 years ago she was arrested and thrown in an Institution for the Criminally Insane for eating her little baby, poor thing didn't have a chance. She spends her days coloring and mumbling to herself. But I'm looking for a good time, call me (555-555-5599).

Missed Connection #3:

You were my bank teller - m4w - 50 (newmilford)

you have worked at my bank a long time,, you told me RED was a good color for me the other day. I know you are married , we talked about me doing some work at your house but you needed to talk to your husband. What bank am I talking about? Thank you

Dear Future Dead Bank Customer,

So you were going to "do some work" at my house? I'm guessing when I wasn't home and wife was alone? I have been suspicious of my wife cheating on me and now I have the proof that I need. I am not sure who you are but I will get it out of my wife. You should be very cautious when going to the bank from now on. If I find out what you look like and I see you talking to my wife, I will stab you in the eye with a pen.

Missed Connection #4:

unhappy lady for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu - w4m - 23 (northwest CT)

Let me please you I think i have done a lot in my life. You will have to get to know me. Send a picture cause lets be honest there has to be some chemistry between us and I will send one back. Let's see where things go

Dear Unhappy lady?

I am an unhappy gentleman. I would love for you to please me. I don't know who you are or where you live so I am going to mail a naked picture of myself to every household in northwest Connecticut. It might cost me a fortune in stamps but we shall be together. On a similar note can you send me some money for stamps?

BTW, the Fast Food Mascot poll (to the top left of the blog) needs some more votes. If you haven't voted please do so. Every vote feeds 17 starving children in Africa


Mark said...

Those are genuine missed connection adverts? Well...I''ll never consider myself desperate and alone ever again.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Last one is a little vague...
What is it with people wanting to go out with married folks?

Sherry Ellis said...

These are for real?

And I'm with Alex - what is it with people wanting to go out with married folks?

A Beer for the Shower said...

I love how most of the missed connections are basically, "I stared at you intensely, but you didn't stare back and I didn't have the balls to even say hi to you. I'm in love with you. Come find me and let me enter you."

That's pretty much how I met my wife.

Chuck said...

I have to go with the Taco Bell pup...those damn illiterate bovines just piss me off. Can't spell??? Really.

Al Penwasser said...

And who said true love is dead?

Baby Sister said...

Well, at least I know where to send my sister to find her husband...not. Pretty pathetic...

Missed Periods said...

I am so pathetic. I just find myself correcting their grammar.

Pat Tillett said...

These people help solidify the universal belief that earthlings are stupid...