Monday, February 25, 2013

Battle of the Fast Food Mascots: Round 4

I thought the last bout was going to be a lot closer but that Chihuahua didn't have a chance against the Cow that can't spell. The Cow will move on to the semi-finals. Now on to the next round. I am letting the mascots in this round interview each other, I need a break.


Jared: The first question is an obvious one. How did you get the title of King?
The Burger King: Thanks for noticing. (He smirks and launches into a series of pelvic thrusts). I make home deliveries too. Wink, wink.
Jared: Um, that really didn't answer my question but whatever. What celebrity do you most want to have a Jell-O wrestling match with?
The Burger King: That would be you, Jared. You’re looking real good these days. (He starts salivating).
Jared: Thanks, I'm flattered. If we don't kill each other, we can talk about that after the match. What is your favorite Subway sandwich and why?
The Burger King: You think I’d eat that crap?!
Jared: How dare you speak of Subway that way!! (He reaches back his arm to punch the King).
PTM: Whoa, whoa, save that for the match Jared. Don't let him get to you, keep your composure.
Jared: Sorry PTM, I don't know what came over me. Let's move on. I have a peanut butter & jelly stain in my hallway carpet and I am having trouble getting it out. What do you recommend?
The Burger King: I’d need to see it for myself. Take me to your hallway and we’ll assess the situation. (He tosses off his paper-crown). Oops. Please pick that up for me.
Before Jared could pick it up, Camera Man #3 swooped in, grabbed it and gave it to the King with a huge smirk on his face
Jared: Is there such a thing as too kinky? Where do you draw the line?
The Burger King: My, my. You’re getting frisky. I like it. (He walks closer to Jared and whispers,There’d be no lines between us, my Subway stud").
Jared: (He swallows hard), There is an old rumor about you having an affair with Laura Bush back in 1993-1994. Can you confirm or deny?
The Burger King: Laura came to me in a time of need. She’d realized it’s true what they say about men with small brains. So I, you know, let her try my special sauce. They don’t call me “king” for nothing.
The Burger King: Who – I mean, what do you eat besides the foot long?
Jared: If the mood strikes me I will have a hearty 6-inch.
The Burger King: You’re looking really good.  (He licks his lips). Are you seeing anyone?
Jared: Yeah, but you don't know him-I mean her.
The Burger King: Do you know that I make home deliveries now?
Jared: I might be interested in a hot beef delivery from you.
The Burger King: What is your fetish with Subway about? Do you like getting Lay’s?
Jared: They pay me millions of dollars to say I like their sandwiches. It is kind of a no-brainer. And I love getting Lay's with my footlongs.
The Burger King: Do you ever eat anything but Subway, and would you like to try my Whopper? (He grabs his crotch. Wink, Wink).
Jared: I'll try your Whopper if you try my spicy 6-inch.
The Burger King: Ever done royalty, Jared?
Jared: Does the Dairy Queen count?

You could cut the sexual tension with a butter knife. I never knew that the Burger King swung that way. I learn something new every day. I forget what we were doing here...? Oh, that's right. A battle is taking place. Please cast your vote on the poll located on the top left of the blog. Will the Burger King or Jared be victorious??

I would like to thank RawknRobyn from Life by Chocolate for playing the part of the Burger King. I can always count on her help and creativity. I just received her book of poems in a blog giveaway and I am thoroughly enjoying it. It's called Just the Right Time. You should check it out. I'm sure she has a link on her blog about it.

21 comments: said...

I may be biased, but that Burger King is an over-sexed freak. Jared did well keeping his composure.

You pulled this all together beautifully, PTM. Thanks for the nice words, too.

I'm not trying to sway the vote, but I urge everyone to vote for the King!


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

And she played him with just the right amount of creepiness.

Adam said...

The king is just as creepy as he appears.

Momma Fargo said...

Hilarious, you sickos! Wait, I thought it was funny. What does that make me? LOL

A Beer for the Shower said...

The king is creepy, but still not as a creepy as Jared "I rented out my porn library to other kids in college" Fogle.

Pat Tillett said...

I could never vote for the king, simply because he is so scary looking. He does make some okay french fries though.

Unknown said...

I'm pretty sure that if The Burger King would do Laura Bush, he'd do anybody:)

L. Diane Wolfe said...

If Jared likes getting Lays with his food does he also like getting laid?

Cheryl said...

It has always been obvious to me that the Burger King is a freak. That mask is just super creepy ***shudder***

Al Penwasser said...

Hey, Robyn, fancy meeting you here!
Powdered Toast Man: Thanks for passing Robyn around to a wider group of people.
Oh. THAT doesn't sound right.

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, by the way. Jared's for sucks.
My vote goes to the creepy king.
Who, if nothing else, has given his paper crown to Nativity plays worldwide.

Chuck said...

I always knew that King had a kink! I thought he looked a little too gay in those commercials.

Sorry, healthy is the way and Subway is def healthier than the King and his lame whopper. said...

Al, PTM has increased my exposure, that's for sure. And I've enjoyed every minute of it. You and Chuck are making me laugh. I knew you both would. But only one of you voted for the King?! Chuck, healthy is so boring. Look at Jared - he's a goober.
It's not too late to change your vote. PTM won't know the difference.

Baby Sister said...

I think I'm going to have to go for Jared here. I like voting for the underdogs, and I have a feeling that would be him. Plus I like Subway. The only time I've ever really eaten at Burger King was when I was living in Spain. Haha. Ironic, right?

Anonymous said...

Where the heck is Jack? Did anyone else hear they might be finding a new "Jared" to follow - same gig, big guy loses weight eating sub sandwiches type thing? Seems Jared may have lost a bit of his appeal on the t.v. screen.

Pearl said...

Delightfully sick.

And oddly appetizing...


Birgit said...

The King is not a shy man and he is really Elton John so I vote for the King

Empty Nest Insider said...

This was fun! The Burger King has my vote!

Julie said...

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, Birgit and Julie. You brought me - I mean The King - up to a tie with Jared. I didn't even need to vote twice. =)


Unknown said...

Perfect impression of the oh so creepy BK plastic king. Loved this! It gave me the laugh that I really needed.

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