Saturday, April 20, 2013

Rainbow Brite Interview

I can't believe I am actually participating in this challenge. I hope I can make it all the way through. I'm going to need lots of Red Bull. My theme for this challenge is fictional characters including but not limited to cartoons, tv shows, video games, movies, books, etc. Now let's have some fun.

I, PTM, have commandeered the show Inside the Actor's Studio hosted by James Lipton for the A to Z challenge. James is safely being held prisoner until May. He will get plenty of food and water, no need to call the cops. For the month of April, I am renaming his show to Inside the Fictional Character's Studio.

PTM: Welcome Rainbow Brite, I'm glad you could join us. What are you doing with your time nowadays?

Rainbow Brite: Since kids stopped giving a shit about me I decided  to become frienamies with the Evil Princess. She’s really not so bad so long as you keep bringing her gems and gifts. It’s pretty convenient actually since the Sprites just mine the jewels and give them to me all the time, suckers.

PTM: Do you still keep in touch with Starlite and Twink?

Rainbow Brite: Of course. Starlight is my boy! Do you know how expensive gas is in my land? You think you have it bad, you don’t. I can’t give up a free method of transportation…plus it’s badass showing up on a flying horse. As for Twinkle, he’s pretty busy overseeing the other Sprites but we text every now and then.

PTM: Do you feel that you are still relevant?

Rainbow Brite: Not that the shit kids of today would know it, but of course I am! You like color in your world right? Well, you think it just magically appears!? I have to lug around this scepter, belt, and fly all over the place creating color and happiness and what thanks do I get!?  None, but I’m not bitter at
all…no, I just love working to help people who never say thank you. 

PTM: Is it true that G.I. Joe asked you out back in the day but you turned him down?

Rainbow Brite: That guy! Psssh, Yeah, he made a pass at me once but he stood no chance. I tried letting him down easy but you’d be amazed how handsy he could get. Eventually I sent Krys after him. He moved on to She-Ra after that but I hear that didn’t go over so well for him either.

PTM: My sister is a big fan of yours. Any chance you could make a house call and surprise her for her birthday?

Rainbow Brite: I’d love to! My fans mean the world to me. There are some loyal fans out there that are a tad creepy (grown men really shouldn’t be requesting I stop by their house and hang out) but since you’ve been so nice to me I’m sure your sister will be a gem. Email me the details.

PTM: Do you have a blog?

Rainbow Brite: I had one for a little while when everyone and their mother was getting a blog but found that I just didn’t have the time to keep up with it. I’m a busy woman, you know? It was fun while it lasted though. 

PTM: Now that you're older it isn't weird that I fantasize about you. Your breasts have filled in quite nicely. Maybe after the show, we go for a drink?

Rainbow Brite: Wow, so that whole you’ve been nice to me thing…yeah. Uh…that’s really sweet of you. I mean, I work hard to stay in shape and always appreciate when that’s noticed but I’m kinda with somebody. After spending all that time together Brian finally made a move and well, we’re an item now. Sorry.

PTM: Have you and Barbie resolved your difference or do you still think she is a bitch?

Rainbow Brite: If I can be friends with the Princess I can be friends with Barbie. Well, at least on the surface. I mean honestly, pick a fucking job! You can’t shop, lounge in Malibu, and get your hair done all day AND still be a doctor, astronaut, Veterinarian, Secretary, CEO, ballerina, news anchor…the list goes on and on. She’s just so wishy washy.

PTM: Wilfred Brimley, Pee-Wee Herman and Oz from the Wizard of Oz: Marry, fuck, kill. Go.

Rainbow Brite: You’re an asshole! This isn’t even fair! Alright, I’m going to marry Wilfred (he won’t last long with the diabetes and all), I’ll fuck the Wizard (dude’s gotta know some tricks) and I’m killing that sick fuck Pee-Wee (I don’t like the way he looks at my kid friends).

PTM: I would like to thank Jewels over at According to Jewels for playing the part of Rainbow Brite. Give the woman some blog love.


Andrea said...

Hilarious! The Barbie answer was my favorite. She must be so pissed that Polly Pocket made such an overwhelming comeback. (I know I could've done without all of those damn rubbery clothes all over the place)

Mark said...

I actually don't know who Rainbow Brite is but she's right that Barbie needs to decide on a job already.

Adam said...

she was a few years before my time

Al Penwasser said...

Good thing she dumped GI Joe. I'll bet that Kung-Fu grip would be mighty painful if he ever tried to get to second base.

Anne Mackle said...

I wasn't going to comment but I hate Justin Bieber.
My daughter loved Rainbow Bright great to see she's still alive and kicking.Although she's not as nice as I thought she was.

Is Anyone There

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That was Jewels? Whoa!!!!

Ms. A said...

I still have some Rainbow Brite things that were my daughter's. And Barbie, Ken... the list goes on and on.

AccordingtoJewels said...

Had a blast as Rainbow Brite and glad to see that my favorite kid character grew up to have a little bit of sass in her. Thanks for having me, PTM. :) I'll happily come back any time.

Long live Rainbow Brite.

A Daft Scots Lass said...

I have a couple of tomboys so I have no fekkin clue....

Baby Sister said...

Yeah...that's just a little wrong that you fantasize about her. ;) And Pee Wee IS disturbing, so yeah. Good choice.

Blue Grumpster said...

How come you didn't convince her she should dump Brian? I'm so disappointed.

Birgit said...

her rainbow brights need some polishing I am thinking:)