Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Hamburglar from Prison & Special Guest

I can't believe I am actually participating in this challenge. I hope I can make it all the way through. I'm going to need lots of Red Bull. My theme for this challenge is fictional characters including but not limited to cartoons, tv shows, video games, movies, books, etc. Now let's have some fun.

I, PTM, have commandeered the show Inside the Actor's Studio hosted by James Lipton for the A to Z challenge. James is safely being held prisoner until May. He will get plenty of food and water, no need to call the cops. For the month of April, I am renaming his show to Inside the Fictional Character's Studio.

PTM: We have taken the show on the road today. We are here at the prison where the infamous Hamburglar is serving out his days. This is my first time inside a prison. I hope I don't get raped. Thank you Hamburglar for letting us come and interview you. Here with me today to translate for Hamburglar is Hart Johnson from Confessions of a Watery Tart. Hamburglar, do you get many visitors?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart (acting as translator): First, Mr. Burglar wants to thank you for visiting him today. He gets visits,but not by the variety of people he really hopes for. And this is his first visit from a super hero. Ronald McDonald visits him every Tuesday, but clowns creep him out, so he filed an injunction to keep him out.
PTM: Clowns creep me out too. How long have you been in here and howmuch longer do you have?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: He’s actually only been back here three months, but he’s here this time under the three strikes
law, so he’s in a good long time this time.
PTM: Did Mcdonald's train you to steal hamburgers or did you already have that skill?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: It was a rogue PR agent who found him and set up the first theft, but *turning back to Hamburglar.
Hamburglar: Robble robble.
Tart: Are you sure you want to say that?
Hamburglar: Robble robble.
Tart: He says he’s pretty sure the French fries have crack in them. The burgers are for show—to fit the
name, but he’s addicted to the fries.
PTM: Good thing I am already addicted to crack or I would be worried. What did you do with all the burgers? You couldn't of eaten all of them.
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: He built an igloo that he lives in when he's not in prison. He speaks highly of the quality of them as
building material.
PTM: That's awesome. I want an igloo made of burgers. What the fuck IS Grimace? Nobody can tell me.
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: He’s shocked you don’t see the resemblance in appearance and intelligence. He’s Rush Limbaugh’s
twin brother. Obviously Rush is the evil twin.
PTM: That makes more sense. I just thought he was a screwed up chicken nugget. Have you "dropped the soap" yet?
Hamburglar: *squeal * Robble.
Tart: Erm.
PTM: I will take that as a yes. What is the first thing you are going to do when you get out?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble *stands and starts to hip swivel*
Tart: Dance club, he says. He’s learned the Macarena in here.
PTM: I can do a mean funky chicken. I heard your wife has been shacking up with Captain Crunch. How does that make you feel?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: He says payback is only fair. The good Captain has spent a lot of time at sea over the years,
if you know what I mean. He said that, not me—the if you know what I mean.
PTM: Have you seen The Avengers yet? That movie is awesome.
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble.
Tart: He says the prison only shows animated movies with no violence, but he speaks highly of Finding
Hamburglar: *puts hands over heart*
PTM: Finding Nemo is one of my favorite movies. Did you know they are coming out with a sequel in 2015 called Finding Dory? Last question. My cat has been meowing a lot even after I feed him and change his kitty litter. What do you think he wants?
Hamburglar: Robble robble robble robble?
Tart: Yeah, what he said.
PTM: I am now being told that visiting hours are over. I am also just realizing that I left the cake with a file in it in the car. I want to thank Hart Johnson for translating for me since I don't speak Hamburglar and I don't think many people do. 


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Rush is definitely the evil twin.
Good job, Hart!

Sangu Mandanna said...

I reckon you ought to commandeer Inside the Actor's Studio more often!

T. Powell Coltrin said...

Robble robble. Who doesn't love the Hamburgler?

Elsie Amata said...

I miss the Hamburgler! I always wondered what happened to him. Thanks for the insight.

Jennie Bennett said...

Oh that Hamburglar. You kill me!

Misha Gerrick said...

Hahaha this was hilarious. Love the hamburger igloo idea.

Stopping by from Alex's. :-)

Maple Syrup Land said...

The whole Grimace thing finally makes sense!! And I think a McD burger igloo would probably be the only good use of their burgers

Hart Johnson said...

Thanks so much for hosting us, PTM! Hamburglar has requested if people want to help out, sending paper and crayons--he isn't allowed pencils or pens, as he periodically has tantrums and they worry he might get violent.

Sheena-kay Graham said...

Oh no the tree strikes law! Poor Ham.

Unknown said...

Robble robble robble! LOLOLOLOLOL I loved this! You are very clever and highly entertaining!


Birgit said...

So that's where he is! I am certain Rush Limbaugh, AKA the Asshole, sent him up the river. Tell me, he must have had nightmares of Ronnie the clown bending over to pick up the soap

Lexie Rising said...

I always wondered what happened to Hamburglar and Grimace :)

Great interview!

Andrea said...

So french fries are the gateway fast food to a life of crime...so sad. (They are nothing without all of that extra salt though so the gig might be up!)

Missed Periods said...

So that's where I have to go to learn the Macarena!

Botanist said...

Great job of translation, Hart!

Shell Flower said...

Robble Robble

Obviously Rush is the evil twin.

Yeah, what he said.

You two are a winning combination.

Trisha said...

The hardest part of this challenge for me is trying to visit all the blogs. I'm way behind on my planned visits but just doing what I can. :)

Chuck said...

That bastard finally got what was coming to him. I kept getting blamed for all those missing hamburgers when I was a kid. My brother or sister would and wham! upside my head...for no god reason.

I hope he keeps dropping the soap...if you know what I mean!

Chuck at Apocalypse Now

Baby Sister said...

Igloo of burgers...yea, that would last forever I bet.