Just some ideas

I have some great ideas for movies that should be made.

Gremlins 3: The Newest Batch
The first two movies are cult classics and so original. I keep checking IMDb every now and then to see if someone is going to make it but nothing yet. The third installment of the Gremlins movies would take place at an amusement park at night. Billy (Zach Galligan) and Kate (Phoebe Cates) are back over 20 years later but now they have kids. One of the kids sneaks Gizmo into a backpack (even though they know better) and brings him to the park. Gizmo gets wet and the fun begins. I see Stripe and the Gremlins tying Gizmo to the front of a roller coaster to torture him. Maybe Hulk Hogan can be working one of the games like the strong man bell. I'm sure this one wouldn't be a blockbuster hit but I think it would be awesome to see anther Gremlins get made. Who's with me?

Jurassic Park IV
This one keeps getting announced and canceled. Speilberg needs to lock down that script. The first one was awesome, the sequel was pretty good but the third one sucked ass. A fourth one needs to be done to save the franchise. I read somewhere that Joe Johnston (the director of Jurassic Park III) said that Jurassic Park IV would be the start of a new trilogy. If this is true then they have to go in a whole new direction. There are only so many times they can go back to those islands. There aren't any movies that come close to Jurassic Park and I just want to see some more dinosaurs.

Backwards Trilogy
A trilogy that starts with the third movie and works backwards with two prequels. Has this been done before? Would this confuse people?

Back to the Future 4
Christopher Lloyd isn't dead yet and they can find someone to replace Michael J Fox. I'm sure Emmett Brown can find a new protege. I just love time traveling movies. I'm sure it wouldn't be as good as the original trilogy and I am sure someone already tossed this idea around in their head.

Alice in Wonderland Prequel/Sequel
I am sure Tim Burton already has this up his sleeve. I liked Alice in Wonderland but felt he could of expanded on the story.

I know I had some more but I can't think of them right now. I will have to do a sequel to this post in the future.

Amended Proverbs

A twist on everyday proverbs and sayings

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it swim

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will be gutting and cooking fish on the weekends.

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can drop that old dog off at the pound and buy a new dog that will learn.

He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones. He also shouldn't masturbate in the middle of the day.

If I had a nickel for every time I heard the saying 'if I had a nickel', I would have a boat load of nickels.

The early bird catches the worm. And the early ejaculator gets teased by the ladies.

A dog is a man's best friend, because he can't rat the man out to his wife.

A woman's work is never done, because there is always cooking and cleaning to do.

All good things come to he who waits. Tell to that to the man stuck in quick sand.

Never mix business with pleasure, especially if your business is a funeral home.

If at first you don't succeed, stop what you are doing and find a professional

Never judge a book by it's cover unless the cover has a picture of Pauly Shore on it.

You can't get blood out of a stone, except for Oliver or Emma Stone, they are filled with blood.

What goes up must come down. Viagra's new slogan.

It is better to give than to receive. Especially with STD's.

Pros & Cons: Cinnamon

Pros and Cons of Cinnamon


Pros

•  Tastes great
• Fantastic fairy dust substitution
•  Keeps away tigers
•  Great name for a girl
•  Wash into hair to get rid of lice
•  Very faithful to sugar
•  Can get you into the best clubs
• Keeps your feet dry and smelling fresh

Cons

• Not a good food to snort
•  Attracts zombies
•  In stick form gets mistaken for candy
•  Tastes terrible with whiskey
•  Has a long standing grudge against oregano
•  Causes a rash in the armpits
•  Was arrested once for imitating brown sugar
•  Likes Justin Bieber

Inside the Actor's Studio

I am filling in for the regular host James Lipton, he is out with a really bad case of diarrhea. I was given some disturbing details about it but I won't share that with you. We have a special guest with us today. Don't we always have a special guest? Why would I have a regular person on here that no one knows? I'm getting sidetracked. Please welcome to the stage, the one and only, Betty White.

PTM: Thanks you for joining us today Betty. I know that you are very busy these days.

Betty: Oh yes, very busy these days. You know, PTM, on top of my busy acting career I've taken up nude modeling. There will be an exclusive centerfold debuting in Playboy next month!

PTM: I need to get this off my chest. I have always had a crush on you. You are my favorite Golden Girl. Even at 89 years old I would still bend you over a table. Are you still sexually active?

Betty: Well, of course I am. That's a silly question. And I must say, you are pretty dashing yourself there young fella'.

PTM: So is there a chance that we can get together after the show and have a few drinks?

Betty: Well, PTM, let me take you off stage now and show you the real golden side of Betty White.  

Betty takes PTM's hand and takes him offstage for about 5 minutes. They come back onstage, PTM with a giant grin on his face.

PTM: Thank you Betty for showing me that. Now, there was a rumor after Rue McClanahan's passing that you and her had a short love affair back in 1988. Is there any truth to this?

Betty:  No! I would have never had a love affair with just Rue alone..the other  golden girls were involved also. You would have never guessed the moves Bea Arthur had up her sleeve....ahh...memories.

PTM: You are almost 90 years old and you look fabulous. How do you do it? What is your secret?

Betty: I surround myself with ugly younger women. They really bring out my eyes. 

PTM: I loved your performance in Lake Placid. You were so sassy. Is there a movie role you have always wanted to play or one that you think you should have been cast for?

Betty:  I think I would be pretty good as the Terminator, no?

PTM: Besides death, what is your biggest fear?

Betty:  There is nothing to fear but fear itself!!

PTM: Do you have to wear diapers or are you able to still use the toilet?

Betty:  Yes..I do have to wear them, you will see my new line of pull-ups debut in my upcoming Playboy centerfold. 

PTM: Who is your celebrity crush?

Betty:  Charlie Sheen..there is something just so forbidden about him. Hey Charlie, if you are watching this interview, come to Betty and I'll show you what WINNING is really about. 

PTM: One last question Betty then you can go take your nap. Since they have all passed and they won't find out, do you have any juicy secrets or dirt on the rest of the Golden Girls cast?

Betty:  I think I'll just leave you with the image of Bea, Estelle, Rue and I getting it on....on set....taped....the lost episode.

PTM: Thank you Betty for stopping by our studio and answering some questions for us. 

I would like to thank Golden Girl for playing the part of Betty White. She did an excellent job for her first guest post. Go check out her blog if you haven't done so yet. It is called '.... and the pickles'. She is a new blogger and also my fiance.

Forewords & Afterwords

 Each word in the two quotes below has been replaced with a word that comes right before it in the dictionary. What are the two related quotes?

1) "Hysterics plectrum allege tizzy thaw flaccid..."

2) "Nymphomania, saxophone, camshaft Yorkie sedulous..."

Answers (Just right click with your mouse to highlight)

1) "I pledge allegiance to the flag..."

2) "O, say, can you see..."

Each word in the two quotes below has been replaces with a word that comes right after it in the dictionary. What are the two related quotes?

1) "Young haven theater righteous toad remainder silhouette..."

2) "Theater truthful, theater wholehearted truthful, andante nothingness butane theater truthful."

Answers (Just right click with your mouse to highlight)

1) "You have the right to remain silent..."

2) "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing 
but the truth."

Conclusion of Alan & Jack Sparrow

A month ago I did a post on what would happen if Alan from The Hangover crossed paths with Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean. I ended it with 'to be continued'. If you didn't read that post you should probably do so before reading this one. Go HERE before you continue on.

So the story left off with Alan being throw overboard. Let's see what happens next.

Alan: Wow that looks like real water and those look like real sharks

Jack: You do realize we are out in the middle of the ocean?

Alan: You mean we aren't in some sort of pirate play?

Jack: Are you really this dumb?

Alan: Ok, I surrender, just don't throw me overboard. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't have my floaties.

Jack: Put him down and untie him.

Alan: Do you have any lotion? Your crew gave me some rope burns.

Jack: What kind of man are you? 

Alan: I'm very sensitive. My dad says that I was breast fed for too long.

Jack: I still don't understand how you got aboard The Black Pearl.

Alan: Did Phil and Stu put you up to this? Classic Phil.

Jack: I don't know who this Phil and Stu you keep talking about are.

Alan: So you're going to play it that way are you? They are probably on here somewhere. I'll find them. 

Jack: You will do no such thing. You will tell me what the hell is going on or I will re-consider throwing you overboard!!

Alan: So you don't know where Phil is?

Jack: If you mention the name Phil one more time I will cut off your balls with my sword.

Alan: You have a sword? Cool, can I play with it?

Jack: Did you hear what I said? I am going to castrate you.

Alan: Hey man, where is your parrot? Aren't pirates suppose to have parrots?

Jack: Shut up!! Shut up!! Shut up!! You have to be the most annoying idiot that I have ever met. I can't take another second of you. Jack jumps overboard

Alan turns around to face the rest of the crew

Alan: Have any of you seen Phil?

The rest of the crew jump overboard

Alan: (To himself) I must be out of range. I'm not getting a signal on my pager.

The End

Exciting News!!!!!

We have a new blogger amongst us. Her blog is as new as a newborn baby (and smells like one too). Nicole (aka Golden Girl, my fiance) gave birth to her blog this weekend. It is called '.... and the pickles' and her blogger name is Golden Girl. She has guest posted once or twice here awhile back but now she can write whatever she wants without any guff from me. I'm not sure what she is going to write about yet but I'm sure it will be fantastic (I'm legally obligated to say that). Head on over to '.... and the pickles' and follow her and show her some blog love. If you don't I will steal all of your lawn gnomes and replace them with plastic flamingos.