Wednesday, January 8, 2020

New Year's Resolutions

Elmo - Stop talking in the 3rd person

Cap'n Crunch - Stop sending death threats to the Trix Rabbit

The Hulk - Practice meditation

Big Foot - Start a Youtube channel

Michael J. Fox - Get most of the pee in the toilet

Stevie Wonder - Learn how to drive

Molly Ringwald - Quit my job at Foot Locker

The Big Bad Wolf - Stick to my plant based diet

John Madden - I forgot

Betty White - Learn how to ride a unicycle

Santa Claus - Convince the wife to do anal

Ronald Mcdonald - Catch that damn Hamburglar

Vanilla Ice - Start a band

Waldo - Come out of hiding

Elmer Fudd - Hire a hitman to murder Bugs Bunny

Justin Bieber - Go back to my home planet

Barack Obama -Stop wearing black face

John Travolta - Admit that i'm g.... gonna star in a musical

O.J. Simpson - Buy a new Ford Bronco

Tyler Perry - Make a movie worth watching


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That last one isn't going to happen.
However, I can see Betty White on the unicycle.

Joanne said...

Yowza. Some of these are harsh. But,like Alex, the Betty White one is most likely to succeed.
Funny stuff

Birgit said...

Bieber can't find his home planet, that's why they put him here. I think Santa forgets that Mrs. Santa is surrounded by elves on Christmas eve so she is well equipped. Elmer hires Daffy Duck so.. Bugs lives. Trump-is ruled by his hair

L. Diane Wolfe said...

I don't think Bieber's home planet wants him either.

Ananka said...

You got me at Santa Claus! :-O Lol

Karen Baldwin said...

Say what???? I love Tyler Perry movies. Are you kidding me? You don't like them? I was married to a black man once and so much of the humor is culture-based/biased. But then my husband didn't like them either. Go figure.

Adam said...

Banner has to learn to be always angry

Liz A. said...

That's quite the list.

Janie Junebug said...

Elmo isn't the only one who needs to stop talking in the third person.


Mary Kirkland said...

The Hulk needs some meditation.

DMS said...

I think Elmo and others who speak in 3rd person should all work on that resolution.

Happy New Year!