Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Battle of the Fast Food Mascots: The Final Round

The Burger King got his crown handed to him in that last round. I think we might have an underdog story on our hands. Little Caesar's 'Pizza, Pizza' Guy is set to take on The Chick-Fil-A Cow. Not the match-up I thought was going to be here. I just assumed Ronald would duke it out with The King. I'm still not sure if I should tell my wife how much money I lost. Enough crying, time for the final match.

I retained the services of a Breaking & Entering expert and I obtained the adolescent diaries of The Cow and Little Caesar's 'Pizza, Pizza' Guy. I will now randomly select some entries to share with you. After that you vote for a mascot.


Little Caesar's 'Pizza, Pizza' Guy's (AKA Carl) Diary

01/06/72 - I can't wait for my to turn 13th birthday next week. I hope I get a pizza party. I love pizza, I could eat it everyday.

01/15/72 - Why did Becky have to point out that I had a boner at my party? She is never gonna want to be my girlfriend now.

02/09/72 - Everyone is the school knows about my boner at my party. The jokes are getting old but everyone is still making fun of me. I think I will pretend to be sick tomorrow, I can't take it anymore.

03/15/74 - I almost saw Mrs. Haggerty's nipples today. She bent over to grab something off the floor and her boobs almost fell completely out of her blouse. I am going to have to throw that sock out after tonight.

10/16/75 - I caught myself looking at Jason undress in the locker room after gym class. I don't know why I stared for so long. I hope he didn't see me. I'm a bit confused about how I felt afterwards. I thought I liked boobs.

10/19/75 - I had another dream about Jason. I need to tell him this time even though it might ruin our friendship. Maybe I can get away with slapping his butt first for fun....?

Chick-Fil- A Cow's Diary

04/25/82 - Joyce and Melissa are already wearing training bras. I can't wait for my udders to grow.

08/16/82 - Just wait until the boys see me walk into school with these babies. They are going to cream their pants. Joyce and Melissa are going to be so jealous.

05/07/84 - That pizza delivery guy had the biggest boner. I don't think he even knew. I think his name tag said Carl.

07/14/85 - Should I keep the baby? Should I tell Peter that he is the father? Should I have tacos or wings for lunch?

02/03/87 - Dear Diary, remind me not to try butt sex again. I haven't pooped right for days. Men are liars.

05/04/87 - Dear Diary, remind me not to try butt sex again. I haven't pooped right for days. Men are liars. Remember to star this entry so you will remember next time.

Time to vote. The poll is located to the top left of the blog. This is the LAST ROUND so make your vote count. Thanks to everyone who has participated. 


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

They both scare me.

Pat Hatt said...

Umm the first has to win, butt sex just scared me.

Adam Lloyd said...

"I am going to have to throw that sock out after tonight."

Good, clean, wholesome, family entertainment right here! Well done that man!

Adam said...

Carl must of been doing other work because LC's doesn't deliver

Birgit said...

the cow's a slut..she gets my vote besides Pizza Pizza guy has too much chest hair

Cheryl said...

The cow gets my vote but I never had her figured for a tramp. Come to think of it, I never had her figured for a her. I thought the Chick fil A cow was a boy.

Chuck said...

You have helped reinforce my avoidance of fast food. That is just some creepy dialogue you seem way too close to. Then again it may be the drink talkin'

Al Penwasser said...

I'm pulling for the cow. She's never been a milk dud.
Hmmm, come to think of it, "pulling" for the cow may have been a poor choice of words.

hibilala said...

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A said...

Haha wasn't expecting to laugh as much as I did at the beginning of the post. Thanks!

level85nerd said...

Definitely the first one!

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

Boner or no boner, Carl's the man.


A Beer for the Shower said...

Like any man, I'll vote for anything with huge udders. That skanky cow gets my vote.

Baby Sister said...

They're both so disturbing...