Wednesday, December 5, 2012

How to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse: As a Zombie

I'm sure we have all seen the awesome movie Zombieland (and if not, go rent it right now and then come back and finish reading and preferably write a kick-ass comment). And we all know now that there are rules in surviving a Zombie Apocalypse if you are a living human. But what about the Zombies? Who is on their side? Well, in case you fall victim to a Zombie bite, here are some survival tips.

Survival Tips - If you are a Zombie

#3 - Wear protective headgear at all times. The living will be targeting your brain, keep it safe.

#11 - Make your home in the woods. Less people to bother you and more assortment of food.

#16 - If you are going to wander, travel in a large pack of at least 20.

#17 - Make it your #1 goal to eat Snooki.

#24 - Pick up your feet when you walk, dragging your feet is a dead giveaway that you are a Zombie.

#45 - Eat plenty of fiber.

#51 - Hunt children, they are less likely to attack.

#79 - Don't eat Pop Rocks and drink a Coke at the same time.

#88 - Cover up any scars, loss of flesh or missing limbs.

#92 - Don't be fooled, Rob Zombie is not your friend.

#99 - Learn some pointers by watching The Walking Dead.

For more survival tips, buy the book.


Ms. A said...

Probably the most I'll ever know about zombies is from reading this post.

Mark said...

They should never eat Snooki. She's more tan and semen than woman, and I think she's actually poisonous to zombies, vampires, werewolves, and other forms of flesh eating creatures.

Movies on my Mind said...

Hmm, the American paranoia concerning an imminent zombie apocalypse is a wonder of our times. No other culture has as much of an impending fear of the walking dead, which makes me wonder: Are the rest of us being passive in the face of a coming devouring disaster? Who knows, but keep that zombie entertainment coming. Brad Pitt's continuous reshoots for WORLD WAR Z are doing wonders for the British economy.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Number seventeen is awesome!

AccordingtoJewels said...

haha. these are great. Love the different perspective.

Chuck said...

Loved Zombieland...especially the scenes at Bill Murray's house. I like all your pointers. Isn't it ironic that zombies eat brains and humans bash brains...when did it all become about brains...brains...brains, oops! Another point is to not say THAT word like a zombie.

Adam said...

I'd let another zombie get snooki

A Beer for the Shower said...

Can zombies get AIDS? Because I'm pretty sure you'd get AIDS by eating Snooki.

Al Penwasser said...

But, if they ate Snooki, they'll get stupid.
And that would be one DUMBASS zombie. said...

And what if Snooki is eating Pop Rocks and drinking Coke at the same time? Should I still eat her? My head is starting to hurt.


Rhonda Albom said...

Lol, zombie humor. Where do you find fiber on a zombie diet?

Unknown said...

Ah, no singing Telegram. I'll leave a comment instead. Thanks for the tips, I feel much better now. If I get bit by a Zombie I have a gameplan! Yeehee!

Baby Sister said...

Oh, I think #17 is the best idea.