Friday, April 13, 2012

Subway vs Quiznos

We have all wondered, which is the better sandwich franchise, Subway or Quiznos? Let me be the first person to tell you that you cannot base your decision on taste alone. Here are 10 not so well known facts about each of the dueling franchises.


1) It was the first sandwich to be eaten on the moon.

2) The lite mayo is 1/3 part Jared Fogle's semen.

3) They reuse lettuce from the garbage.

4) Jared Fogle is their personal assassin. He has killed approximately 91 people that have bad mouthed Subway.

5) One dollar from every sale is donated to Lindsay Lohan to pay for driving school.

6) Red Heads are charged an extra 4% tax.

7) All the vegetables are bought from a bodega in NYC.

8) The chicken breast is 40% turkey.

9) Some of the Keebler Elves help with making the bread.

10) Three babies were named Subway in 2009.


1) About 85% of their employees have or have had a serious crystal meth addiction.

2) If you are not fully satisfied with your meal and you call customer service to complain, they will send over a prostitute to your house free of charge.

3) Can't tell you how, but they are linked to the Watergate Scandal.

4) All employees are forced to get "Mmmmm, toasty" tattooed somewhere on their body.

5) The word Quizno is Thai for erect pickle.

6) Are involved in a lawsuit with Chili's for the patent of triple thick bacon

7) Hulk Hogan briefly worked there in the summer of 2006.

8) They are currently working on a board game.

9) There is a sign in the bathrooms that states the employees have the option of washing their hands.

10) Too much ranch is what caused Wilfred Brimley's Diabetes.

Now based on your new knowledge, which is the better franchise?


Mark said...

Subway will always be better, then again I haven't been to Quizno's.

Bossy Betty said...

I support recycling, so I gotta go with Subway for reusing the lettuce from the floor.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Got to go with the erect pickle!

Tony Van Helsing said...

Subway, eaten on the moon tops everything else.

Unknown said...

Quizno's, because of their X-Factor:

The singing hamster-corpses... that commercial is beyond epic.

Check and MATE, Subway.

Ms. A said...

I vote for Whataburger.

Pat Tillett said...

Based on these amzing facts! (that I was totally unaware of), my vote goes to Submarina...

Chuck said...

I like them pretty equal but now the knob, I mean nod, goes to Quiz cause of the free hooker!

Shockgrubz said...

In the Quiznos board game, is there a penalty of the two-o'clock runs? That alone would keep me from ordering a sandwich called the 'torpedo'.

I'd like to see what you have to say about Slotchkyz(sp?).