A short story behind 'Just the Cheese'

Come August, this blog is celebrating 10 years of being on the Internet. I want to share how this blog came to be and why it is called 'Just the Cheese.'

Originally my blog was going to be mostly movie reviews. I was going to put a spin on them and make them humorous. That is why the URL name is reviewsyoucantuse.blogspot.com. I shortly discovered that only writing movie reviews would be difficult and time consuming. I would also have to watch movies in genres that don't appeal to me.

One of my first posts was a review about the movie Funny People. I enjoyed writing it but it took so much effort. I am all about working smart but not hard. Somehow my blog turned into random humor and silly nonsense.

The original title of my blog was 'Oh, Fiddlesticks!' I liked that name but something was missing.

I quickly changed it to 'Just the Cheese.' I am sure some of you that came here thought this blog was about cheese or food. It is named after a comedy bit done by Dane Cook. He talks about going to the movies and getting just the cheese, no nachos. You can watch a quick 3 minute clip here.

That Dane Cook bit has always been a joke between my wife and I, it just made sense to use it as part of my blog.

And if you are a fan of Ren & Stimpy then you know why I am Powdered Toast Man. If you have no idea, well I am going to leave that a mystery and you will have to find out on your own.

Here is to another 10 years of random nonsense!!

What's up?

The Universe is telling me I should start blogging again.

What to do..............??

Paw Patrol Concerns

If you are a parent of a young child or you are a lonely loser that watches kids' cartoons, you have probably watched a few episodes of Paw Patrol. My 2 year old son is addicted to it and it is basically the only show he will watch. I have  a few issues with this show. Maybe you have similar thoughts. If you have never seen the show, go watch an episode and then read my gripes.

•  They have a lot of expensive vehicles and gadgets. Who is funding the Paw Patrol? Is it the taxpayers of Adventure Bay or a wealthy backer?

• How is it that the pups can talk but not any other animal?

•  How old is Rider and where are his parents?

•  How come we never get to see the town of Foggy Bottom?

•  How does Marshall store so much water in his water cannons? There is no room in his pack.

•  How does Mayor Humdinger continue to get reelected?

•  Zuma is very underutilized, what's up with that?

•  How does PETA feel about the Paw Patrol?

•  Do the Paw Patrol vehicles run on gas or are they electric?

Thoughts of an Uber passenger

Thoughts of an Uber passenger

• Is this driver going to rape or murder me?

• It's not raining, why is this seat wet?

• Oh great, another Indian guy I can't understand

• That 3rd breakfast burrito was a big mistake

• Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me

• Do I tell him his car smells like a sweaty gym sock or does he already know that?

• I can see you trying to look at my tits in the rear view mirror!!

• Yeah, that's what we all want, lukewarm bottles of water and a bucket of butterscotch candy

• I really can't tell if this driver is male or female. If I could only sneak a pic of him/her to show someone. What's their name again? Oh, right, Jamie, that doesn't help. The voice could go either way too. I don't really see boobs but that doesn't mean anything. Oh my god this is driving me crazy!!

How are you?

This phrase/greeting has always bothered me. How so you ask? Well, I work in a retail/customer service job and I talk to about 150 to 200 people a day. That is a lot of 'how are yous' to listen to and say. I just don't like as a society that we have replaced the simple hello/hi to an unrealistic obligation. When people say this phrase to me they could care less about how I am actually doing. They are just following the social norms. What they really mean is hi but for some reason unbeknownst to me they would rather stick me with a question to answer.

If you ask me how I am, I am not going to give you the typical 'good, how are you' response. I am going to throw you off by saying something like; I'm tired or hungry or maybe a little horny. But you don't really care how I am and frankly nor do I care how you are doing. Can't we just say 'what's up instead. It is much more low key and does not elicit an actual response to the question. You can merely just say what's up right back.

If you really want to engage in conversation maybe change up your opening. How about: How is your day going so far? or How is the family doing? or What are your plans for the weekend? or Did you get rid of that rash yet?

Over the years my mother has perfected the How are you response into one word: goodnu. Long version: Good and how are you? I am thinking she doesn't give a shit either and that is where I probably get it from. Or maybe I am just a cynical asshole.

Gyno or bank teller?

Recently I did a post on things a bank teller would say that would be weird coming from your gynecologist. Someone requested that I do it the other way so here are things a gynecologist might say that would be weird coming from your bank teller.

'You can take your pants off now'

'When was your last period?'

'After examining you, I believe you have a yeast infection'

'This might pinch a little'

'Do your breasts ever get sore?'

'Have you always had this mole?'

'Do you plan on getting pregnant anytime soon?'

'There is some blood but that is perfectly normal'

'That's herpes alright'

'Some of them do have an unpleasant odor'

Random Thoughts and Junk

How are we growing seedless watermelons without the seeds from the watermelon to grow them? That's like women giving birth without any eggs in their ovaries. Are these watermelons being artificially inseminated?

I learned that peanuts are used in the making of dynamite. Are people that are allergic to peanuts able to handle dynamite? "No, it wasn't the dynamite that killed him, it was his peanut allergy."

If the Hulk cut off Thor's hand, could he pick up the hammer using Thor's hand? Also if Thor is holding the hammer can the Hulk pick him up?

Do you know that the average cloud weighs 1.1 million pounds? I bet you are Googling that to see if it is true. I'll wait......... blew your mind didn't it?

When is the last time someone heard a car alarm going off and thought the car was being stolen? Let's do away with the car alarm, it doesn't work.

Are the flowers that bees are pollinating consenting to being pollinated? Or is it flower rape?