Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Barney the Dinosaur


Here on Inside the Fictional Character's Studio I find out information about your favorite or least favorite character and share that information publicly. Did you know that Barney, the lovable dinosaur, has tried to quit his job of entertaining children? I, with my plethora of resources, have obtained Barney's resignation letter and the reply from management.

To whom it may concern,

I have been playing the part of Barney the dinosaur for 15 or so odd years. I have hit my breaking point. I cannot do this job anymore. The kids used to be friendly, fun and considerate but now they are mean, annoying and whiny. That damn song is stuck in my head forever. I wake up and it is the first thing thing to pop into my head. I sing it in the shower without realizing it. It is driving me crazy. I have had many thoughts of suicide over the past year. About a month ago I actually sat in my bathtub full of water and was ready to throw the toaster in but I couldn't do it. If I don't leave this job I will end up doing something regrettable. My contract is up. Consider this letter my resignation.

Sincerely
Barney the Dinosaur

To Barney,

We have received and reviewed your resignation letter. Unfortunately we cannot grant what you requested. There is a clause in your contract that allows us to extend your employment without your consent. We reserve the right to deny any resignation request or vacation time without notice. We are extending your contract with the show for another 5 years at a 10% decrease in pay and half the vacation time. If you try to escape this contract, we will take you to court and you will lose. You will then end up being fined $15,000 and serving 2-5 years in prison where you will be molested and raped by disturbed inmates. After you get out you will then have to fulfill your contract. You should of read the find print before you signed the contract. You are stuck with us.

Sincerely,
Management



21 comments:

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

Poor dude should just end it all. He's doomed. Hated by anyone over the age of 4.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Back to the tub and the toaster!

Adam said...

no labor laws for dinos

Cathrina Constantine said...

Wow, poor Barney. And good post!!

C. Lee McKenzie said...

Breaks my heart. Barney deserves a career change.

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Al Diaz said...

I have never been able to stand Barney. It just makes me nauseous. Must be something against purple dinosaurs.

DWei said...

I don't know, stuck with annoying kids or prison rape...

It's a hard pick.

Al Penwasser said...

"I love you.
You love me.
The police have ordered me to stay at least 500 yards away from schools, playgrounds, churches, day care centers, ice cream parlors, libraries, beaches, campgrounds, carnivals, and Japan.
So, I guess that's that."

Elise Fallson said...

LOL, very funny.
I'd say give him a stool and lots of rope. . . you know, so he can break the window and climb out the building to escape into the wild.
What?
What'd you think I meant?
;)

A-Z participant blogging from Elise Fallson

Ornery's Wife said...

Poor Barney. Never did let my kids watch him--really? A purple dinosaur??

Happy "B" Day
tm

Bushman said...

Well it could be worse. he could be Barney the purple helmet!

The High Cost of this Low Living

marnini said...

My oldest daughter loved Barney. Poor Barney, let the purple guy retire.
Fun post!

Crystal Collier said...

You know, I actually have a picture journal of burning Barney at the stake. Talk about annoying! Thank goodness my kids missed that trend.

Rachee Fagg said...

I LOVE Barnet and cried (silently) the day I lost my barney cd that I listen to when I am at work and getting ready for stroytime.

Chuck said...

Dang, were you raised a Hitler Youth?? That is mean spirited and will cause much Grief and Anxiousness in children's programs. Best to let sleeping dinosaurs lie. The end.

Chuck at Apocalypse Now

Sheena-kay Graham said...

5 Stars! This is hilarious!

Empty Nest Insider said...

It's probably tough to read the fine print in the Barney costume. He probably just walks around in a purple haze. This was fun.

Julie

Betty Alark said...

I have seen a few pics of the poor fellow. The fine print will always come back to haunt you.

Interesting!

Enjoy the challenge!

Birgit said...

It sounds like his employers are the Warner Brothers. Olivia De Havilland could give him a few tips on how to kick their ass

Baby Sister said...

Honestly? I really have a hard time feeling bad for him no matter what. He's creepy.