Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Here on Inside the Fictional Character's Studio I find out information about your favorite or least favorite character and share that information publicly. Did you know that Barney, the lovable dinosaur, has tried to quit his job of entertaining children? I, with my plethora of resources, have obtained Barney's resignation letter and the reply from management.
To whom it may concern,
I have been playing the part of Barney the dinosaur for 15 or so odd years. I have hit my breaking point. I cannot do this job anymore. The kids used to be friendly, fun and considerate but now they are mean, annoying and whiny. That damn song is stuck in my head forever. I wake up and it is the first thing thing to pop into my head. I sing it in the shower without realizing it. It is driving me crazy. I have had many thoughts of suicide over the past year. About a month ago I actually sat in my bathtub full of water and was ready to throw the toaster in but I couldn't do it. If I don't leave this job I will end up doing something regrettable. My contract is up. Consider this letter my resignation.
Barney the Dinosaur
We have received and reviewed your resignation letter. Unfortunately we cannot grant what you requested. There is a clause in your contract that allows us to extend your employment without your consent. We reserve the right to deny any resignation request or vacation time without notice. We are extending your contract with the show for another 5 years at a 10% decrease in pay and half the vacation time. If you try to escape this contract, we will take you to court and you will lose. You will then end up being fined $15,000 and serving 2-5 years in prison where you will be molested and raped by disturbed inmates. After you get out you will then have to fulfill your contract. You should of read the find print before you signed the contract. You are stuck with us.
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 7:06 AM