Thursday, August 30, 2012
Haven't you always wanted to know what current living celebrities would put on their tombstones? Well I interviewed a whole bunch of them recently and most of them told me what they were going to write.
Tom Cruise - "I wasn't gay, seriously"
Richard Dreyfuss - "I never watched Jaws"
Kirk Cameron - "That born again Christian crap worked like a charm"
Dennis Rodman - "Was I buried in a dress?"
Tony Danza - "I'm the boss, bitch"
Ron Howard - "I deeply apologize for putting my ugly brother in my movies"
Bob Barker - "Fuck you, Drew Carey"
Bill Clinton - "Fat chicks need lovin' too"
Snooki - "I knew I would get skin cancer from all that tanning"
Oprah Winfrey - "I still think Tom Cruise is gay"
Jeff Bridges - "Dude"
Tara Reid - "That fourth boob job was a bad idea"
Conan O'brien - "Jay Leno can suck it"
Matt Leblanc - "Stop calling me Joey"
Brad Pitt - "I had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie"
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 12:54 AM
Monday, August 27, 2012
Thursday, August 23, 2012
New definitions used in medical reports
Negative patient care outcome ............ the patient died
Mental activity at the margins ......... insanity
Therapeutic misadventure ................ medical malpractice
Hematophagous arthropod vectors ............................. fleas
Spontaneous bowel contraction..................................... shit your pants
Engorged cellular depositing...................................... fat ass
Misfiring synaptic responses....................................... stupid
Underdeveloped phallic response................................ can't get an erection
Aggravated bovine ejection .............. being bucked off of a bull
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 12:54 AM
Monday, August 20, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Hi, want to play? No? Too bad, I am forcing you to. I will train your logical thinking skills to look for unusual laws lurking in outwardly ordinary lists of words. In this paragraph, I want you to look for what is missing. Although my words may look ordinary, this is not typical writing. An unusual constraint limits my words. I could not put just any word in this paragraph. Many words simply would not fit. Did you find it? Is your brain in pain? What is missing in this paragraph?
Answer: (Right click your mouse and highlight below)
There is no letter E in the paragraph.
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 9:00 AM
Monday, August 13, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Olympic events that didnt make it
- Jell-O Wrestling
- Pie Eating
- Dwarf Tossing
- Ultimate Tic-Tac-Toe
- Ice Fishing
- Sand Castle Building
- Extreme Hopscotch
- Paper Airplane Flying
- 100m Potato Sack Race
- Marco Polo
- Duck, Duck, Goose
- Thumb Wrestling
- Snowman Building
- Air Hockey
- Hide and Seek
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 8:00 AM
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
National Lifeguard Application
Next to each question please write yes, no or I don't know.
1) Can you swim? (minimal requirement is doggy paddle)
2) Are you attractive? (minimal requirement is 7 out of 10)
3) Do you know how to use a whistle?
4) Is your favorite show Bay Watch?
5) Do you look good without a shirt on?
6) Is temporarily making out with the same sex a problem for you?
7) Do you know the difference between an ocean, a lake and a pool?
8) Can you look cool wearing sunglasses while sitting in a giant chair?
9) Are you allergic to sand?
10) Can you tolerate screaming, crying and whining kids for an extensive amount of time?
11) For male applicant: Do you have at least a 4-pack?
12) For female applicant: Do you have at least a C-cup?
13) Are you good at charades?
14) Are the words radical, gnarly, cowabunga, or bodacious in your vocabulary?
15) Were you able to read this application?
Please mail to your local beach or country club.
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 12:37 PM
Monday, August 6, 2012
Happy 3 year blogoversary to me!!!! I cannot believe I have been blogging for 3 years. Time flies when you are having fun. I would like to thank me for everything I have done on this blog, I couldn't have done it without myself. I am throwing a surprise party for myself later tonight, shhh don't tell me about it.
Q: If you could change the name of my blog to anything, what would it's new name be and why?
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 12:06 AM
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
I have plenty of ideas but I have been too tired to come up with anything good. I thought about ranting about some bullshit that has happened but I am sort of over that now. Instead I will leave you with a joke to tell your friends, coworkers and drug dealer.
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe with that thing?
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 11:43 PM