Thursday, August 30, 2012

Celebrity Tombstones

Haven't you always wanted to know what current living celebrities would put on their tombstones? Well I interviewed a whole bunch of them recently and most of them told me what they were going to write.

Tom Cruise - "I wasn't gay, seriously"

Richard Dreyfuss - "I never watched Jaws"

Kirk Cameron - "That born again Christian crap worked like a charm"

Dennis Rodman - "Was I buried in a dress?"

Tony Danza - "I'm the boss, bitch"

Ron Howard - "I deeply apologize for putting my ugly brother in my movies"

Bob Barker - "Fuck you, Drew Carey"

Bill Clinton - "Fat chicks need lovin' too"

Snooki - "I knew I would get skin cancer from all that tanning"

Oprah Winfrey - "I still think Tom Cruise is gay"

Jeff Bridges - "Dude"

Tara Reid - "That fourth boob job was a bad idea"

Conan O'brien - "Jay Leno can suck it"

Matt Leblanc - "Stop calling me Joey"

Brad Pitt - "I had sex with Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie"


Gorilla Bananas said...

All the fat chicks passing Clinton's grave would say "How would he know? He delegated that job to his cigar."

Ms. A said...

Clint was a cute little kid. I'm not criticizing him, Lord knows I'm no looker!

Mark said...

I don't know how to feel about Brad Pitt now. I never liked him much, but you have to respect a guy who can do that. I hope at Tom Cruise's funeral they say "ashes to ashes, closets to coffins."

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

The Ron Howard one wins it for me!

Tony Van Helsing said...

George Romero: You might want to take a step back.

Birgit said...

You're right-Ron Howard's bro was shortchanged in the looks dept. Gotta Love him in the Star Trek episode though. Angelina Jolie could say the same thing-She slept with Brad Pitt and Billy Bob mind. Tom Cruise won't be buried here. He will be on the scientology mother ship out on some worm hole wishing he came out of some closet

Baby Sister said...

Bob Barker was sooooo better than Drew Carey!!

Chuck said...

Of all of them, I believe the Brad Pitt one the most...coz that's what I would do if I were him. In fact I would already have it made and in storage!!! Lucky basterd.

Pat Tillett said...

Poor Matt Leblanc... He will always just be Joey. And you know Joey is so jealous of Brad Pitt's tombstone.

Shockgrubz said...

Great list. I read all of them in each of their own voices, except the last one. I read that in Lisa Kudro's.