Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Interview With a Legend

With us today is a very well known and respected female figure. Please give a warm welcome to the one and only Miss Piggy.
PTM: Thank you for sitting down with us today. It is nice to finally meet you.

Miss Piggy: I know!

PTM: Are you excited about the new Muppets movie coming out?

Miss Piggy: You mean the one I'LL be starring in? Of course! I'm drunk. You're exciting....

PTM: I heard a rumor that you and Kermit were having some marital problems. Something about an affair with Fozzie. Is any of that true?

Miss Piggy: Next question.

PTM: Have you ever eaten bacon?

Miss Piggy: I have. Problem?

PTM: Who is your celebrity crush and what would you do if you met them?

Miss Piggy: Taylor Lautner. everything I would do to him is probably illegal and not just because I'm an animal (winks)

PTM: You have had a very successful career, what do you think you will be doing 10 years from now?

Miss Piggy: Justin Bieber.

PTM: Ok, my director is telling me that a stage hand found a pile of feces in your dressing room. I knew you were a pig, but come on. You couldn’t use the toilet?

Miss Piggy: That's not mine.....OKAY! OKAY! I'm DRUNK. Shit happens!

PTM: Is it true that a few years ago Gonzo was in rehab for 2 months for a coke problem?

Miss Piggy: Yes. But seeing as this questionnaire is about your truly (bats eyes) we could talk about MY coke pro...I mean......(smiles)

PTM: We only have a few more minutes so I’m going to take a question or two from the audience. You, in the front in the Goonies shirt. What is your question?

Audience Member: Can any of the Muppet Babies understand Beaker?

Miss Piggy: When we're under the influence. 

PTM: Last question, you, the guy that looks like Santa Claus.

Audience Member: Donald Duck doesn’t wear pants but when he comes out of the shower he wraps a towel around his waist. What’s up with that?

Miss Piggy: That might be due to the time he got arrested for coke. Despite Gonzo's warnings, Donald dropped the soap multiple times. I personally think he enjoyed it.....

PTM: Thank you Miss Piggy for stopping by.
I want to thank my friend Johana for playing the part of Miss Piggy.


mjunta said...


Anonymous said...

Wow...who knew the Muppets did so much coke? Not me. Miss Piggy drunk I totally get...but coked up puppets...what a sad world we live in. Somebody call Dr. Drew!

Anonymous said...

You couldn't get Frank Oz? What a gyp.

AllenTesch said...

That's the most honest interview I've seen in a long time.

Hart Johnson said...

You know, I really admire Miss Piggy. I'd like to do illegal things to Tyler Lautner, too.

Ms. A said...

It'll take more than 10 years for Justin Bieber to be mature enough, to be worthwhile, if ever.

Birgit said...

Miss Piggy took too many cues from Liz Taylor. Also Gonzo told me he is not on coke...he just is ADHD although he tried LSD once when he was at the AGO in TO. Oh Fozzie bear has early onset Alzheimers so he will soon be sitting up in the balcony with the 2 old coots

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Justin Bieber - now I'm scared.

Al Penwasser said...

So, who had the affair with Fozzie? Miss Piggy? Or Kermit?
There's really going to be a new Muppets movie? Cool.

Workingdan said...

I never knew Miss Piggy was down like that! Sweet!

Chuck said...

All I can say to that is, "I need a warm pig belly for my feet."

Damon said...

great post
i like your blog (:

Baby Sister said...

I don't know that I can like her any more...Justin Beiber? Really?