A twist on everyday proverbs and sayings
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it swim
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you will be gutting and cooking fish on the weekends.
You can't teach an old dog new tricks, but you can drop that old dog off at the pound and buy a new dog that will learn.
He who lives in a glass house shouldn't throw stones. He also shouldn't masturbate in the middle of the day.
If I had a nickel for every time I heard the saying 'if I had a nickel', I would have a boat load of nickels.
The early bird catches the worm. And the early ejaculator gets teased by the ladies.
A dog is a man's best friend, because he can't rat the man out to his wife.
A woman's work is never done, because there is always cooking and cleaning to do.
All good things come to he who waits. Tell to that to the man stuck in quick sand.
Never mix business with pleasure, especially if your business is a funeral home.
If at first you don't succeed, stop what you are doing and find a professional
Never judge a book by it's cover unless the cover has a picture of Pauly Shore on it.
You can't get blood out of a stone, except for Oliver or Emma Stone, they are filled with blood.
What goes up must come down. Viagra's new slogan.
It is better to give than to receive. Especially with STD's.