I am filling in for the regular host James Lipton, he is out with a really bad case of diarrhea. I was given some disturbing details about it but I won't share that with you. We have a special guest with us today. Don't we always have a special guest? Why would I have a regular person on here that no one knows? I'm getting sidetracked. Please welcome to the stage, the one and only, Betty White.
PTM: Thanks you for joining us today Betty. I know that you are very busy these days.
Betty: Oh yes, very busy these days. You know, PTM, on top of my busy acting career I've taken up nude modeling. There will be an exclusive centerfold debuting in Playboy next month!
PTM: I need to get this off my chest. I have always had a crush on you. You are my favorite Golden Girl. Even at 89 years old I would still bend you over a table. Are you still sexually active?
Betty: Well, of course I am. That's a silly question. And I must say, you are pretty dashing yourself there young fella'.
PTM: So is there a chance that we can get together after the show and have a few drinks?
Betty: Well, PTM, let me take you off stage now and show you the real golden side of Betty White.
Betty takes PTM's hand and takes him offstage for about 5 minutes. They come back onstage, PTM with a giant grin on his face.
PTM: Thank you Betty for showing me that. Now, there was a rumor after Rue McClanahan's passing that you and her had a short love affair back in 1988. Is there any truth to this?
Betty: No! I would have never had a love affair with just Rue alone..the other golden girls were involved also. You would have never guessed the moves Bea Arthur had up her sleeve....ahh...memories.
PTM: You are almost 90 years old and you look fabulous. How do you do it? What is your secret?
Betty: I surround myself with ugly younger women. They really bring out my eyes.
PTM: I loved your performance in Lake Placid. You were so sassy. Is there a movie role you have always wanted to play or one that you think you should have been cast for?
Betty: I think I would be pretty good as the Terminator, no?
PTM: Besides death, what is your biggest fear?
Betty: There is nothing to fear but fear itself!!
PTM: Do you have to wear diapers or are you able to still use the toilet?
Betty: Yes..I do have to wear them, you will see my new line of pull-ups debut in my upcoming Playboy centerfold.
PTM: Who is your celebrity crush?
Betty: Charlie Sheen..there is something just so forbidden about him. Hey Charlie, if you are watching this interview, come to Betty and I'll show you what WINNING is really about.
PTM: One last question Betty then you can go take your nap. Since they have all passed and they won't find out, do you have any juicy secrets or dirt on the rest of the Golden Girls cast?
Betty: I think I'll just leave you with the image of Bea, Estelle, Rue and I getting it on....on set....taped....the lost episode.
PTM: Thank you Betty for stopping by our studio and answering some questions for us.