Is it Bologna or Boloney?

I have never understood the English language entirely. For instance who the hell decided on the spelling of words? Was it one guy or like a board meeting type of situation where everybody gives their idea and then it's voted on? One word I never understood especially when I was younger is "colonel." What happened to the "R?" Other words like bologna, knife, phlegm and cough. Why do we need silent letters in the first place, do they help us at all in school when we are learning how to read?

Okay Timmy spell the word 'knife.' Timmy sounds it out and says N-I-F-E. No Timmy I'm sorry but there is a 'K' at the beginning. What the fuck you talking about 'K' at the beginning? It's not KA-NIFE, who put that 'K' there? You're telling me the 'K' is silent? Oh like KFUCK YOU!!

How come we don't have silent letters in our names? I'm going to add a 'Z' in my name so it's JAMZIE now, don't forget that the 'Z' is silent. I have actually thought about this before but I forgot about it until I saw a Katt Williams stand up where he does an entertaining skit involving the pronunciation of words. I kind of stole it from him but I'm sure he won't sue, I'm not getting paid like he is. Also Jim Gaffigan does a small bit about it. I love Jim Gaffigan, I think he's hilarious, he talks about the most simplest things and makes them funny like hot pockets and bacon.

Maybe 'colonel' is spelled that way because we already have 'kernel' and nobody wants to be a 'kernel' in the armed forces.

Why can't words just be spelled the way they sound? I would really like to find out the back story on the spelling of these ridiculous words. The ironic thing is that I'm a stickler for spelling words correctly. I used to edit my texts so they the words were spelled right and it would bother me if I didn't do it. I'm better now but I'm still a little anal about it. You know what is bullshit, my Microsoft Word is screwed up and I can't use spell check on it. It sucks for doing school work, I have to email it to myself and spell check it at the library or Nicole's house.

Okay I have wandered away from the subject once again but that's what makes it interesting or something along those lines. Wherever I was going with this is now gone. I might write a follow up piece if I can remember what I was talking about. "And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego."