Battle of Sesame Street: Final Round

Ernie was Cookie Monster's bitch in that last round. He smacked Ernie around like he was a red-headed stepchild. I thought it would be a closer match but Ernie didn't bring anything to the ring. Now that the semi0finals are out of the way, it is time for the big kahuna. The final round of the Sesame Street battle in on. I'm predicting this one is going to be a slobber knocker. So sit back, relax and grab a brew.

The Count

vs

Cookie Monster

Bio:

Favorite Movie: You probably think it's Dracula but it's actually Bambi

Favorite Actor/Actress: Gary Busey

Favorite Food: Pussy

Biggest Fear: Impotence

Favorite Quote: I did not have sexual relations with that woman

Celebrity Crush: Michelle Obama

Mcdonald's, Wendy's or Burger King: Taco Bell

Some  Tough Questions:

What did you want to be when you were a kid? Phlebotomist

One thing you would change about yourself? Smaller testicles

Would you have sex with Hilary Clinton for $100,000? I'd rather sleep with Bill

How do you feel about turkey bacon? Why isn't there chicken bacon?

What would be your death bed confession? My fangs aren't real

 

Bio:

Favorite Movie: Cool Runnings

Favorite Actor/Actress: Cher

Favorite Food: Chocolate Pizza

Biggest Fear: Being allergic to cookie dough

Favorite Quote: It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again

Celebrity Crush: Willy Wonka

Mcdonald's, Wendy's or Burger King: I'm unsure of the question so I will say the Burger King beats up Wendy and Ronald Mcdonald

Some  Tough Questions:

What did you want to be when you were a kid? Lion Tamer

One thing you would change about yourself? Less fur in my ass

Would you have sex with Hilary Clinton for $100,000? I'd do it for $500

How do you feel about turkey bacon? Goes great with pudding

What would be your death bed confession? I did some gay porn when I was addicted to coke

Now comes the tough decision on who to vote for. I would tell you who I would vote for but it is against the by-laws and would result in castration. Polls will close on Friday at 11:59 PM, get in your vote by then. Next week I will announce the winner.

Battle of Sesame Street: Semi Finals Round 2

The last battle was very evenly matched but The Count came out victorious once again. Oscar's plan of using his garbage can as armor backfired because The Count took it and beat him with it. Let's move onto the next round.

 Ernie

vs

Cookie Monster

PTM: I am going to keep your minds sharp before the match. We are going to play a word association game. I say a word and you tell me the first word that pops into your head. Ernie, you will go first. Are you ready

Ernie: Yes, fire away.

PTM: The first word is yellow

Ernie: Rubber Duckie

PTM: Pink

Ernie: Taco

PTM: Aardvark

Ernie: Allergic

PTM: Bert

Ernie: Hunk

PTM: Hard

Ernie: Pickle

PTM: Interesting answers Ernie. You might want to see a therapist. Cookie Monster it’s your turn. You ready?

Cookie Monster: Let’s do it.

PTM: Your first word is dough.

Cookie Monster: Cookie

PTM: Cactus

Cookie Monster: Cookie

PTM: Tire

Cookie Monster: Cookie

PTM: Ok, I can see where this is going. You can’t answer every word with cookie. I know that you love cookies but that can’t be the only thing on your mind. Let’s try again. The word is sunburn.

Cookie Monster: Ice cream

PTM: Diamond

Cookie Monster: Chocolate

PTM: Cookie

Cookie Monster: Orgasm

PTM: I think you have an addiction Cookie Monster, you might want to get some treatment for that. Now that your minds are focused, let's battle!!

Cast your vote for Ernie or Cookie Monster and don't let the rubber duckie sway your vote in any way. Polls will close on Friday at 11:59 pm. The final battle will be on Monday so bring popcorn.

Battle of Sesame Street: Semi Finals Round One

The battle between Bert and Ernie lasted for hours. Neither one wanted to throw in the towel. Ernie’s rubber duckie tried to distract Bert but I put a stop to that. There will be no cheating in my ring. The ultimate victor was Ernie. He moves on to the next set of rounds. We have two rounds left before the final match. Battling today, we have….

The Count

vs

Oscar the grouch

PTM: I want the combatants to express how they feel about each other before they duke it out. I want you both to say three things you like and three things you dislike about your opponent. Can be anything you want. Count, you go first.

The Count: I will say what I like about Oscar first. I like that he is a ladies man and can get all the tail he wants. I like that he has a don’t-give-a-shit kind of attitude. I like that he always has ketchup when I run out.

Oscar: Thanks Count. Before you tell me what you don’t like about me, I want to say what I like about you. I like that The Count can rock the cape; I know I couldn’t pull off wearing a cape. I like that he is close to his grandmother. I like that he can score Viagra like nobody’s business.

The Count: Thanks Oscar. Now, to tell you why you are a douche. You are a complete slob and you should clean around your garbage can once in awhile. You won’t stop hitting on my grandma; she is 87 for Pete’s sake!! You don’t support your 3 illegitimate kids. Stop knocking up hoes and they won’t come after you for child support.

Oscar: For the record, your grandma is hot for 87.  I hate that you are constantly telling people that you want to suck their blood. We get it, you’re a vampire. Now shut the fuck up about it. You need to brush your teeth man; you have blood stains all over them. Stop inviting me to play Mafia Wars and Farmville, it is getting annoying.

The Count: You know how hard it is to get rid of blood stains?

PTM: I love the brutal truth. Thanks for sharing fellas.

It’s that time again. Cast your vote for Oscar or The Count. If you don’t then Snuffleupagus will find you and sit on you.  Polls close on Friday at 11:59 PM. We will have the next battle on Monday.

Battle of Sesame Street: Round 4

Big Bird didn't have a chance in the last round versus Cookie Monster. By the end of the battle there were yellow feathers everywhere. I hope those things grow back. Congrats to Cookie Monster for moving on to the next set of rounds. This is the last of the first round matches. Let's see who is duking it out today.

Bert

vs

Ernie

While Bert and Ernie were getting ready for the battle I got a hold of their personal diaries. I am going to randomly share some entries with you for your entertainment. Shhh, don't tell them I shared their diaries.

Ernie's Diary

2/24/11 - I had a dream about Bert again. We were living in the country with 3 kids, 2 dogs and running our own pudding business. He looked so handsome. The kiss felt so real this time.

3/16/11 - It was so sad. I had a dream that Rubber Duckie drowned in the tub. We were at his funeral. All the Sesame Street characters were there except for Big Bird, they didn't get along for some reason. Alf, Optimus Prime and Rainbow Brite also came to pay their respects. 

4/12/11 - I enjoy watching Bert sleep. I hope he doesn't find out that I have been cupping his balls at night.

4/25/11 - Bert caught me today using his toothbrush. I use it sometimes just so I can taste his saliva. I played if off today like I picked up the wrong one.

6/02/11 - I should kill Big Bird. No one likes that douche anyway. Why doesn't he like Rubber Duckie? What an asshole. 

Bert's Diary

3/15/11 - Ernie is starting to act really creepy lately. He keeps leering at me with a weird look on his face. I'm thinking about moving out.

4/20/11 - I'm missing like three pairs of my underwear. I think Ernie might be taking them but I can't prove it.

5/17/11 - I had a really strange dream that Ernie was watching me in my sleep and cupping my balls. At least I think it was a dream.

6/09/11 - If I hear that rubber duckie song again I am going to stick a broom handle up Ernie's ass.

6/19/11 -  I will never masturbate with baby oil again. I'm really raw down there now. I need to buy some lotion.

After laughing and peeing your pants, don't forget to vote for either Bert or Ernie. Polls will close on Friday at 11:59 pm and the next set of rounds will begin next week.

Battle of Sesame Street: Round 3

I don't know what happened in the last battle but Elmo never had a chance. The Count swooped in there with his cape blowing in the wind and laid the smack down on that fur ball. Now we have The Count and Oscar moving on to the next round. Before we get there we have 2 more 1st round matches left.And today's battle is........

Big Bird

vs

Cookie Monster

PTM: These battles are getting tougher and tougher to vote on. And today we are going to ask the really tough questions. I'm going to ask both of you the same set of questions. You both will alternate after each question. Are you ready?

Bird Bird & Cookie Monster: Yes!!

PTM: Here we go, first question, Big Bird you're first. What is the strangest thing you have done sexually?

Big Bird: I don't remember much  of it but I know it involved a pickle, jar of mayo, boxing gloves, an empty wine bottle, duct tape, a picture of Bob Saget and a blow dryer. My mouth was sore and I had bruises on my thighs.

Cookie Monster: I used raw cookie dough to masturbate with while watching Cake Boss.

PTM: You two are freaks. Next question, Cookie you're up first now.Have you ever had a sex dream about someone on the show? And what was it about?

Cookie Monster: Aloysius Snuffleupagus was dressed up like little Bo Peep. 

Big Bird: I dreamt that I had sex with my clone. It was amazing.

PTM: Getting weirder guys. How do you really feel about each other?

Big Bird: I don't know how Cookie Monster hasn't gotten Diabetes yet. All he does is eat cookies and sugary snack foods. I'm worried he is going to die young. Pick up a carrot once in awhile you douche.

Cookie Monster: At least I don't sit in my dressing room praying to God for the ability to lay eggs. You are an 8 foot tall male freak bird, get used to it. 

PTM: It's getting pretty heated in here. Last question before you two duel. Tell us something no one knows about you.

Cookie Monster: I took a shit in Oscar's garbage can while he was sleeping. He never knew who it was until now. Take that asshole!!

Big Bird: Before I landed this job I used to work at KFC. It was the only job that my parole officer could get me at the time. I went to jail for dealing crack.

PTM: I think it is safe to say that we have learned way to much about these two today. Now go to the locker room and get ready to duke it out.

Who do you like better? Big Bird of Cookie Monster? Cast your vote or Kermit the Frog will come by your house and beat you with a sack full of door knobs. Polls close Friday at 11:59 PM.

Battle of Sesame Street: Round 2

 

The next round of the Sesame Street Battle is upon us. Oscar must be invincible to super Grover because he wiped the floor with that blue freak. If you forgot to vote on the last round make sure you get it in for this one.

The Count

vs

Elmo

PTM: For a change of pace, I’m going to let the combatants ask me some questions. First up is The Count. Whatever you want to ask me Count, go ahead.

The Count: Can I take a little bite of your neck? I could use some blood.

PTM: You can try but you are going to get maple syrup instead of blood. You are better off biting my camera man.

The Count: I’ll take a nibble after the interview. Do you have a fear of toasters?

PTM: I was when I was a kid but I’m much more afraid of Abe Vigoda.

The Count: I don’t think he has any blood left, I think he is just skin. PTM, what is your favorite number?

PTM: My favorite number is 43,689. It’s the amount of times I got laid in college.

The Count fist bumps PTM

The Count: Do you know the best way to get rid of crabs? I’m itching like crazy down there.

PTM: First you want to bleach your whole groin area then add some lighter fluid and put a match to it. It’s going to burn pretty bad at first but that just means its working. Let it burn for about 2 to 3 minutes then throw some baby powder and vinegar on it to put it out. That should clear you up.

The Count: I will try that tomorrow. That is all the questions I have, now where is that cameraman?

PTM: Ok, Elmo, your turn to ask me some questions.

Elmo: Elmo excited to ask questions. How come Grover touches Elmo’s butt and then tells Elmo not to tell anyone?

PTM: Well Elmo, Grover is what we call a pedophile. He wants to do naughty things to you and he doesn’t want anyone to know about it because it’s illegal. Just let him do what he wants and eventually he will get bored and stop.

Elmo: Ok, PTM, if you think that’s best. Can I touch your abs?

PTM: Normally I don’t let anyone touch my abs but I can’t resist that cute face.

Elmo swipes his hand across PTMs’ abs.

Elmo: Ooooo, I could grate cheese over them. PTM, how can I get abs like yours?

PTM: Lots of steroids and a little plastic surgery.

Elmo: Thanks. How come you haven’t accepted my friend request on Myspace?

PTM: People still use that shit? I just assumed that Tom hung himself and the site was deleted. You can follow me on Twitter @ just_the_cheese (so can you as the reader, hint, hint).

Elmo: Elmo excited to follow Powdered Toast Man. That was my last question. I’m ready to battle The Count now.

You heard him folks, it is time for battle. Please either cast your vote for The Count or Elmo. You cannot vote for me, this goes for you Reputation@Stake. The polls will close on Friday the 24^th at 11:59 PM. The next battle will happen on Monday the 27^th. See you then (if not sooner).

Battle of the......

 

The time has come for a fresh, new, shiny battle. I am going to pit eight Sesame Street characters against each other for your amusement (and a little for my amusement). There will be four 1st round elimination matches leaving 4 characters to duel in the 2nd round. After the 2^nd round, there will be only 2 remaining characters left to fight for the crown of Sesame Street Top Dog (or Cat). The combatants will be chosen at random from the eight characters I have already chosen. Enough chit-chat, let’s get the 1^st match underway.

OSCAR THE GROUCH

vs

GROVER

 

PTM: I asked the studio audience to write down some questions for our combatants to answer before their battle. I will pick them randomly from this sombrero.

PTM: I will start with you Grover. And the first question says: Which of Jim Henson’s Muppets is your favorite?

Grover: That’s an easy one, Leonardo.

PTM: No, Grover, that is the name of one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. The question was about the Muppets, you know, Kermit the Frog, Miss Piggy, Gonzo. Those guys.

Grover: Oh, I always mix those two up. I’m a big fan of Beaker. He’s so easy to understand.

PTM: Moving on, next question is, what is your favorite topping to put on a pizza?

Grover: Fruit Loops and a little honey mustard.

PTM: You’re a weird guy. Here’s another one, are you mad that you weren’t  made anatomically correct? You know, not having a penis and all.

Grover: What’s a penis?

PTM: You should ask your mother that question. One more question for you Grover, then we move on to Oscar. Who is your celebrity crush?

Grover: Penny from the Inspector Gadget cartoon. She was cute.

PTM: Ok Grover, you can go back to the locker room to get ready for the battle. Oscar, I’m going to ask you four questions from the audience now. You had a guest appearance on the sitcom Scrubs, that must have been exciting for you?

Oscar: It was but Zach Braff kept leering at me and licking his lips. I’m not sure if he wanted to eat me or bang me.

PTM: Thanks for sharing that with us. Next question, have you ever thought about upgrading to a bigger garbage can, like a 2 bedroom?

Oscar: Like I never heard that question before. How very original of whatever dumbass wrote that one up. That’s like asking Big Bird if he is self conscious about his height. Let’s hope the next question isn’t from a moron.

PTM: I was going to say that was a little harsh but then I remembered you were Oscar the Grouch. Do you have any STD’s?

Grover: Now there’s a ballsy question. Let’s see, I have herpes, had gonorrhea twice and I think I just contracted syphilis from the slut from last night but I won’t know until I go to the doctor. I’m immune to the HIV so I don’t have to worry about that.

PTM: I don’t think you can be immune to HIV.

Oscar: I know a guy that gave me some pills to block it. He’s legit.

PTM: All righty then. Last question, you would look sexy with a tattoo, how come you don’t have one?

Oscar: It’s this damn hair; it’s all over my body. If I shave it, it just grows back in a day. I actually have 3 tattoos but you can’t see them because of all this hair. If you want you can come over and shave me if you want to see them. Just meet me after the battle.

PTM: Thank you Oscar. You can go back to the locker room and be back out to battle in 20 minutes.

Now this is where you as the reader get to vote on who you want to win the battle. Do you like Grover or Oscar the Grouch? Please leave your pick in a comment. Polls will close on Friday June 17^th at 11:59 PM. Ballots will be tallied and a new battle will commence on Monday.

Hooray for the Weiners...... I Mean Winners!!!

I have the Trivia Corner winners and the cereal mascot battle winner to announce.

In a surprising twist of events, Dawn, a.k.a. Baygirl32, a.k.a. Miss Maple Syrup (okay I might have made that last one up) fought tooth and nail and tied Pat Tillett for first place in Trivia Corner. I did not see this coming, I mean what are the chances? Any statisticians out there? If you figure out the odds, let me know by carrier pigeon. If you want the answers to the last round tell me in your comment.

I had stated in the rules of the game that the first place winner could choose between a guest post or for me to write a post about them. The second place winner would then be left with what the first place winner didn't pick. Since they both tied for first place I will let them both choose from either option. See what a nice guy I am? Don't believe what my Grandma tells you, she's just mad that she didn't win. So Pat and Dawn, you get to choose either a guest post here on JTC or for me to write a post about you and your blog (I would choose the guest post cuz I don't wanna write anything about either of you....lol). I want to give a shout out to RawknRobyn for trying her best, she might not have gotten a lot of answers right but I'll give her a pack of pretzel m&m's for effort.

Here are the final Trivia Corner Standings:

Rank............................. Points

1. Pat Tillett.................. 143
2. Baygirl32 ................... 143
3. Chuck ........................ 92
4.Geof............................79
5. Marlene ..................... 44
6. Nippy ......................... 42
7. Guilty of Gossip............ 32
8. RawknRobyn .................22
9. Ian ...............................10
10. Cruella Collett.............. 5
11. Copyboy......................... 1
12. Sara Beth...................... 1
13. Jana................... 'A' for effort


I know that most of you have been waiting on the results of the final cereal mascot battle between Tony the Tiger and Toucan Sam. Well, wait no more, I will tell you the winner after a message from our sponsors. What, we don't have any sponsors? Then who is funding this thing? It's free? Then who is sending me those paychecks? I need to get to the bottom of this. Oh yeah I was about to tell you who won the mascot battle.

That final round was a nail-biter. I tallied up all the votes and it was tied. That can't happen, I don't have a tie-breaker system. I looked over the votes again and realized that there was a late ballot for Tony on Monday, the polls closed on Sunday. So if you haven't put 2 and 2 together (you must have ridden the short bus to school and maybe to work), the winner of the cereal mascot battle is Toucan Sam!!! The parade will be next week, it will circle Tony the Tiger's block. Thanks to everyone that voted and participated. Toucan Sam couldn't of won without you. That's not true, he could of bribed me with tickets to The Price is Right but only if Bob Barker is guest hosting.

Battle of the Cereal Mascots: FINAL ROUND

Wow, that last round was intense. Tony and Trix were neck and neck but then Tony realized he was a tiger and just ate the rabbit. I apologize to all you vegetarians for the graphic image I just put in your head.

This is the last battle to determine who is the greatest cereal mascot of all time. I assumed from the get-go that Tony would be in this last round but Toucan Sam is kind of a surprise. Personally I was rooting for the Cap'n to make it all the way. I have a thing for pirates, I'm thinking about getting a wooden leg.

Treat this final vote like it was for American Idol. I don't watch that show but I hear people enjoy it way too much. I decided to talk to a 3rd grade class and see if they had any questions for our mascots. I brought in the kids with the best questions to interview our combatants. Stick around after the match, we will be giving out free boxes of the winner's cereal.

VS

PTM: Okay Toucan, all these questions are from 8 & 9 year olds. Are you ready?
Toucan Sam: Fire away.
Jake: Where do babies come from?
Toucan Sam: Do you know what a vagina is?
Jake: The state next to West Vagina.
Toucan Sam: Yes, babies come from there.
Sally: Why doesn't my daddy live with us anymore?
Toucan Sam: He probably doesn't love you anymore.
Ricky: How do you wipe your hiney?
Toucan Sam: I use SpongeBob.
Melissa: Where is Mrs. Toucan?
Toucan Sam: She left me for the Sonny the Cocoa Puffs bird. That guy is a real douche.

PTM: Okay Tony it's your turn.
Tony: Hurry up, I have to take a dump.
Jasmine: Who is your favorite superhero?
Tony: Captain Planet, I hate pollution too.
Nick: How do I get a girl to like me?
Tony: Have lots of money and stop picking your nose.
Penny: My mom says I'm not allowed to eat your cereal, too sugary. Can you talk to her?
Tony: Is that her in the leopard spandex? Tell her to meet me at the Super 8 motel at 7 tonight.
Mark: Why don't you wear any pants?
Tony: They don't make any with a tail hole and nobody seems to mind me walking around nude.

Now that we heard from the kids, let's hear from you. Will it be Tony or Toucan? Polls close on Sunday at 11:58 pm. I will announce the winner on Monday or Tuesday next week. Vote now.

Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Semi Finals: Round 2

Holy potatoes Batman, last week's battle was freakin' lopsided. I figured that Snap, Crackle & Pop would roast that bird but I was dead wrong. With what is being called as the upset of 2010, Toucan Sam laid those boys out. With something like 11 votes to 2, Toucan Sam is without a doubt headed to the final battle.

I was suppose to have a special guest today but they were kidnapped by Booberry and Frankenberry. I was told in a ransom note that they will return my special guest before next week's post if I promise never to eat or purchase Count Chocula again. Sorry Count but I have to get my special guest back for next week. Who you may ask is the special guest? I'd tell ya but I would have to kill your grandma or pet hamster, whichever you're closest too.

Today's fight determines who goes up against Toucan Sam in the final round. Make your votes count. As a added treat both the combatant's mothers decided to join us today. They were both eager to step into an interview. Who am I to pass up some hot moms?

Here today we have Tony the Tiger's mom Claudia and Trix Rabbit's mom Simone.

PTM: Was Tony a trouble maker when he was younger?

Claudia Tiger: My Tony? Not even close. Tony was a real big pussy when he was younger. He cried all the time over the littlest things. This one time his favorite bandana got shrunk in the wash and he threw the biggest hissy fit. He cried himself to sleep that night.

PTM: What were his first words?

Claudia Tiger: You're expecting me to say "they're grrreat", it was actually '' what's a scrotum?'.

PTM: Was he always a whiz with catch phrases?

Claudia Tiger: He got addicted to game shows at a young age and he used to imitate all the hosts. He aspired to replace Vanna White.


PTM: This may be out of line but how old are you?

Claudia Tiger: Old enough to kick your scrawny ass.

PTM: Sorry I asked, moving on. Is there still a Mr. Tiger in the picture?

Claudia Tiger: Not since last year. He's in prison now, I still don't know why he agreed to help O.J. rob that house.


PTM: How often do you visit 'Just the Cheese'?

Claudia Tiger: Is that the new cheese museum in Wisconsin?

PTM: Nevermind. Do you have any odd piercings or tattoos?

Claudia Tiger: I pierced our pet goldfish once, does that count? I also have a tattoo of some stripes on my back.

PTM: Wait, aren't you a tiger? Nevermind..... I love hot pockets and bacon.

Claudia Tiger: I love lean pockets and bacon bits, how weird.

PTM: How often did Tony dress up in your clothes?

Claudia Tiger: How does everyone know that? It was just a phase when he was 7 until he was 22.

PTM: Ok last question. What are your feelings about Tigger?

Claudia Tiger: If was 18 I would do things to him that you only see in hardcore pornos.

-------------

PTM: How many other children do you have?

Simone Rabbit: I have lost count over the years but I'm going to guess 58.

PTM: Are any of your other children famous?

Simone Rabbit: Not yet but Randy, Paul, Henry, Bernard and Icabod started a band that's really taken off. It's a mix of Justin Bieber and Vanilla Ice.

PTM: I'm not sure why you are wearing that negligee but you look damn good in it.

Simone Rabbit: Why thank you, you really know how to sweet talk a lady. Is that chapstick in your pocket or are you just looking at my boobs?

PTM: Both. You look so young, you must of been only 13 when you had Trix. Was he planned?

Simone Rabbit: Are you flirting with me? Cuz I like it. I was actually 9 when I had him. They don't make condoms for rabbits yet.

PTM: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

Simone Rabbit: I only watched tv to catch an Energizer Bunny commercial. That guy gives me hot flashes but in a good way.

PTM: What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Simone Rabbit: Meet me in the bathroom after the interview and bring some peanut butter.

PTM: Do you have anything against Claudia Tiger?

Simone Rabbit: I hear she eats small animals.

PTM: Well she is a Tiger..... Was Trix popular in High School?

Simone Rabbit: He was after he got caught masturbating in the nurse's office.

PTM: Do you think you could beat The Invisible Seductress in a beauty contest?

Simone Rabbit: Maybe if I was 20 years younger and my breasts didn't sag as much. Who could beat the Seductress?

PTM: Okay last question. Chocolate, vanilla or ramen noodle?

Simone Rabbit: I don't understand the question.


Okay, time to cast your vote: Tony the Tiger or Trix Rabbit? Polls will close on Sunday at 11:58 pm. The final battle will be Tuesday.

If you are looking for trivia answers I'm extending Trivia Corner until Wednesday.

Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Semi-Finals Round One

Today is the first round of the semi-finals. In the last battle Tony the Tiger basically mauled Cap'n Crunch and made him eat his own hat. After the match Cap'n Crunch was rushed to the hospital but it was too late, they couldn't save his hat.

In today's match we have Snap, Crackle & Pop versus Toucan Sam. As per the rules in the first battle the Rice Krispies boys can only fight one at a time and tag out when they want to, there will be no ganging up on Toucan Sam. Since I already interviewed both of these characters, I wanted to get the opinions of some fellow co-workers. Before the fight I interview the Janitor and Camera Man #3.

VS

PTM: How do you feel about today's combatants?
Janitor: Those dweebs? I’ve seen more roughhousing at the Mormon Tabernacle Choir Rehearsals.

PTM: What do you use to clean up blood after the match?

Janitor: It’s this cool trick my mama taught me called the Sponge Bob Band-aid.

PTM: In your professional opinion, how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Janitor: That’s a hard one. Let me see (takes calculator out of his shirt pocket and begins punching in numbers..scratches forehead..scratches forehead again..). 3!

PTM: On a cold winter night, do you prefer the taste of Rice Krispies or Froot Loops?

Janitor: Hell, if I’m gonna eat that **** at all, it ain’t gonna happen on a cold winter night. I’m just sayin’.

PTM: Camera Man #3 has been talking smack about you for the past week. How do you feel about that?

Janitor: Man, that dude’s lens is so small. He’s just jealous of my equipment – if you know what I mean.

PTM: One last question, Can you shampoo the couch that's in my office? RawknRobyn and Camera Man #2 left some stains on it last night.

Janitor: RawknRobyn? Dang, she acts all sweet and innocent. No wonder they call her “Rawkn” (said with an elbow nudge). Don’t worry about the stains, man. I’ll just pour red wine onto it, and you won’t see them anymore. It’s a little trick I learned while working at the White House in the 90’s.

PTM: Is it true that you have a gold statue of Toucan Sam in your house?

Camera Man #3: Yeah, in the corner of my bedroom. His nose is so long, he’s my idol!

PTM: Does it bother you that RawknRobyn is fooling around with Camera Man #2?

Camera Man #3: Nah, the only thing that bothers me about her (‘cuz she’s pretty damn near perfect, actually) is that she writes all this crap about celibacy on her blog, like she’s some hoity toity expert on the matter. I’m telling you, that little hot number doesn’t know the first thing about celibacy.

PTM: Did you vote for Obama?

Camera Man #3: Who’s that?

PTM: Why do you have a problem with the janitor?

Camera Man #3: One night when I was putting my equipment away, he walked by pointing and laughing at my lens, saying he never saw one so small. It really hurt my feelings. You know? Gotta tissue?

PTM: Have you always wanted to be a camera man since you were a little kid?

Camera Man #3: Nah, I just always wanted a bigger lens. I thought I might get one this way.

PTM: Okay, final question. What do you think of these shoes? I stole them out of Cap'n Crunch's locker last week.

Camera Man #3: Dude, those are some big, long shoes. I’m impressed (said while giving PTM a high-five).

I want to thank RawknRobyn from Life by Chocolate for playing the Janitor and Camera Man #3. If you don't follow her blog already then there is something wrong with you. Now the most important part, it's time to vote. And you are not voting for the Janitor or Camera Man #3, don't forget the battle is between Snap, Crackle & Pop and Toucan Sam. Polls close on Sunday at 11:57pm. The next round will commence next Tuesday. Come back tomorrow for Passionofthemom's Movie Game Guest Post.

Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Round 4

Have you ever had Jamaican style frog legs? They are scrumptious. On that note, Toucan Sam defeated Dig'Em the Frog in a grueling match to the death. After the match we couldn't find Dig'Em's body but I figured the custodian took him away. We all went back to Toucan's house where he made us frog legs, must be a coincidence.

Today's battle is going to be an epic one, one for the ages, for the books (which books I'm not sure but they will be written down in something, maybe your diary) one you will surely not forget. Fighting today are Tony the Tiger and Cap'n Crunch.

Our combatants were really talking trash in the locker room so I let them interview each other. I hope they can keep their cool during the interview. I will listen in.

Cap'n: What is the capital of Uruguay?
Tony: What? I don't know. Why are you asking me that?
Cap'n: Just curious to see how smart you are.
Tony: I'm smart enough to know not to wear a pirate costume in public (snickering).
Cap'n: I'm under contract, I have to wear this ridiculous thing wherever I go.
Tony: Watch what you say man, you don't want to piss off your sponsors.
Cap'n: F@ck, Sh#t, God dammit, Motherf%cker!!
Tony: Whoa buddy, you curse like a pirate. Oh, wait...
Cap'n: Between you, me and that camera man, I don't even like the taste of Cap'n Crunch cereal. It tastes like Count Chocula's arm pits on a hot summer day.
Tony: That's Grrrrrross!

Tony: Why do we have to do another interview, I thought we just did one?
Cap'n: That was me interviewing you, now you have to interview me.
Tony: Who says?
Cap'n: Powdered Toast Man said.
Tony: Who the hell is he?
Cap'n: That tall dude that has a piece of toast for a head.
Tony: That douche?!?! Who put him in charge?
Cap'n: I think he owns this place but I also saw him cleaning the men's bathroom so I'm not sure.
Tony: Well I don't like him. Let's kick his powdery ass after our fight.
Cap'n: I think you might need to go to anger management. There are people that can help you there.
Tony: Looks who's talking, wife beater.
Cap'n: That's it, it's go time!!

Powerful stuff. I better go hide at my hotel room and watch the fight on TV, I'm no match for a pirate and a tiger. Vote now or forever regret that you didn't vote. Polls close on Sunday at 11:59pm. Next Tuesday I will reveal the winner and our next two combatants for the semi-finals.

Battle of the Cereal Mascots: Round 3

It seems as though Lucky isn't that lucky after all. The Trix Rabbit kicked the ever-loving snot out of that leprechaun. The match was over before it even got started. The Rabbit figured he now has the rights to Lucky's gold but luckily before the match Lucky said that if he died his gold would be donated to Wesley Snipes, to help him with his taxes.

Today's battle is brought to you by the symbol "^". In the red corner weighing in at 63 pounds from Kellogg's Froot Loops, Toucan Sam. In the turquoise with a hint of yellow corner weighing in at 42 pounds, from Kellogg's Smacks, Dig 'Em Frog.

Before the fight I had our combatants interview me in the locker room.

Toucan Sam: So why am I interviewing you?
PTM: Do you want to get paid for this fight or not? Just do the interview.
Toucan Sam: This microphone smells funny.
PTM: That's not a microphone, that's a hairbrush. Did you graduate High School?
Toucan Sam: No, I dropped out in the sixth grade.
PTM: That explains a lot. Just pick up the microphone and ask me at least one question, we don't have a lot of time.
Toucan Sam: Why did Julianne Moore play Clarice Starling in Hannibal and not Jodie Foster?
PTM: I think it's because Anthony Hopkins gave Jodie Foster crabs.

Dig 'Em: How did the interview go with Toucan?
PTM: He's a moron. I hope you can do better.
Dig 'Em: Am I invited to your wedding?
PTM: Why would you be? This is the first time we have met.
Dig 'Em: I never get invited to weddings. I bet you would invite me if I was Tony the Tiger.
PTM: But you're not Tony the Tiger, so deal with it. Next question.
Dig 'Em: Why did Julianne Moore play Clarice Starling in ....
PTM: Toucan already asked that question. Are you f@cking with me?
Dig 'Em: Toucan put me up to it. He didn't know if you meant the actual crustacean or the STD.
PTM: I need to lay down.

There you have it fans. Pick your poison, either a frog on speed or a coked-up bird. The polls close on Sunday at 11:59. Anyone trying to rig the votes will be tar and feathered. Come back next Tuesday for the final opening round between........