Holy potatoes Batman, last week's battle was freakin' lopsided. I figured that Snap, Crackle & Pop would roast that bird but I was dead wrong. With what is being called as the upset of 2010, Toucan Sam laid those boys out. With something like 11 votes to 2, Toucan Sam is without a doubt headed to the final battle.
I was suppose to have a special guest today but they were kidnapped by Booberry and Frankenberry. I was told in a ransom note that they will return my special guest before next week's post if I promise never to eat or purchase Count Chocula again. Sorry Count but I have to get my special guest back for next week. Who you may ask is the special guest? I'd tell ya but I would have to kill your grandma or pet hamster, whichever you're closest too.
Today's fight determines who goes up against Toucan Sam in the final round. Make your votes count. As a added treat both the combatant's mothers decided to join us today. They were both eager to step into an interview. Who am I to pass up some hot moms?
Here today we have Tony the Tiger's mom Claudia and Trix Rabbit's mom Simone.
PTM: Was Tony a trouble maker when he was younger?
Claudia Tiger: My Tony? Not even close. Tony was a real big pussy when he was younger. He cried all the time over the littlest things. This one time his favorite bandana got shrunk in the wash and he threw the biggest hissy fit. He cried himself to sleep that night.
PTM: What were his first words?
Claudia Tiger: You're expecting me to say "they're grrreat", it was actually '' what's a scrotum?'.
PTM: Was he always a whiz with catch phrases?
Claudia Tiger: He got addicted to game shows at a young age and he used to imitate all the hosts. He aspired to replace Vanna White.
PTM: This may be out of line but how old are you?
Claudia Tiger: Old enough to kick your scrawny ass.
PTM: Sorry I asked, moving on. Is there still a Mr. Tiger in the picture?
Claudia Tiger: Not since last year. He's in prison now, I still don't know why he agreed to help O.J. rob that house.
PTM: How often do you visit 'Just the Cheese'?
Claudia Tiger: Is that the new cheese museum in Wisconsin?
PTM: Nevermind. Do you have any odd piercings or tattoos?
Claudia Tiger: I pierced our pet goldfish once, does that count? I also have a tattoo of some stripes on my back.
PTM: Wait, aren't you a tiger? Nevermind..... I love hot pockets and bacon.
Claudia Tiger: I love lean pockets and bacon bits, how weird.
PTM: How often did Tony dress up in your clothes?
Claudia Tiger: How does everyone know that? It was just a phase when he was 7 until he was 22.
PTM: Ok last question. What are your feelings about Tigger?
Claudia Tiger: If was 18 I would do things to him that you only see in hardcore pornos.
PTM: How many other children do you have?
Simone Rabbit: I have lost count over the years but I'm going to guess 58.
PTM: Are any of your other children famous?
Simone Rabbit: Not yet but Randy, Paul, Henry, Bernard and Icabod started a band that's really taken off. It's a mix of Justin Bieber and Vanilla Ice.
PTM: I'm not sure why you are wearing that negligee but you look damn good in it.
Simone Rabbit: Why thank you, you really know how to sweet talk a lady. Is that chapstick in your pocket or are you just looking at my boobs?
PTM: Both. You look so young, you must of been only 13 when you had Trix. Was he planned?
Simone Rabbit: Are you flirting with me? Cuz I like it. I was actually 9 when I had him. They don't make condoms for rabbits yet.
PTM: What was your favorite cartoon growing up?
Simone Rabbit: I only watched tv to catch an Energizer Bunny commercial. That guy gives me hot flashes but in a good way.
PTM: What would you do for a Klondike bar?
Simone Rabbit: Meet me in the bathroom after the interview and bring some peanut butter.
PTM: Do you have anything against Claudia Tiger?
Simone Rabbit: I hear she eats small animals.
PTM: Well she is a Tiger..... Was Trix popular in High School?
Simone Rabbit: He was after he got caught masturbating in the nurse's office.
PTM: Do you think you could beat The Invisible Seductress in a beauty contest?
Simone Rabbit: Maybe if I was 20 years younger and my breasts didn't sag as much. Who could beat the Seductress?
PTM: Okay last question. Chocolate, vanilla or ramen noodle?
Simone Rabbit: I don't understand the question.
Okay, time to cast your vote: Tony the Tiger or Trix Rabbit? Polls will close on Sunday at 11:58 pm. The final battle will be Tuesday.
If you are looking for trivia answers I'm extending Trivia Corner until Wednesday.