PTM: These battles are getting tougher and tougher to vote on. And today we are going to ask the really tough questions. I'm going to ask both of you the same set of questions. You both will alternate after each question. Are you ready?
Bird Bird & Cookie Monster: Yes!!
PTM: Here we go, first question, Big Bird you're first. What is the strangest thing you have done sexually?
Big Bird: I don't remember much of it but I know it involved a pickle, jar of mayo, boxing gloves, an empty wine bottle, duct tape, a picture of Bob Saget and a blow dryer. My mouth was sore and I had bruises on my thighs.
Cookie Monster: I used raw cookie dough to masturbate with while watching Cake Boss.
PTM: You two are freaks. Next question, Cookie you're up first now.Have you ever had a sex dream about someone on the show? And what was it about?
Cookie Monster: Aloysius Snuffleupagus was dressed up like little Bo Peep.
Big Bird: I dreamt that I had sex with my clone. It was amazing.
PTM: Getting weirder guys. How do you really feel about each other?
Big Bird: I don't know how Cookie Monster hasn't gotten Diabetes yet. All he does is eat cookies and sugary snack foods. I'm worried he is going to die young. Pick up a carrot once in awhile you douche.
Cookie Monster: At least I don't sit in my dressing room praying to God for the ability to lay eggs. You are an 8 foot tall male freak bird, get used to it.
PTM: It's getting pretty heated in here. Last question before you two duel. Tell us something no one knows about you.
Cookie Monster: I took a shit in Oscar's garbage can while he was sleeping. He never knew who it was until now. Take that asshole!!
Big Bird: Before I landed this job I used to work at KFC. It was the only job that my parole officer could get me at the time. I went to jail for dealing crack.
PTM: I think it is safe to say that we have learned way to much about these two today. Now go to the locker room and get ready to duke it out.
Who do you like better? Big Bird of Cookie Monster? Cast your vote or Kermit the Frog will come by your house and beat you with a sack full of door knobs. Polls close Friday at 11:59 PM.