Monday, June 27, 2011

Battle of Sesame Street: Round 3

I don't know what happened in the last battle but Elmo never had a chance. The Count swooped in there with his cape blowing in the wind and laid the smack down on that fur ball. Now we have The Count and Oscar moving on to the next round. Before we get there we have 2 more 1st round matches left.And today's battle is........




Big Bird
vs
Cookie Monster


PTM: These battles are getting tougher and tougher to vote on. And today we are going to ask the really tough questions. I'm going to ask both of you the same set of questions. You both will alternate after each question. Are you ready?

Bird Bird & Cookie Monster: Yes!!

PTM: Here we go, first question, Big Bird you're first. What is the strangest thing you have done sexually?

Big Bird: I don't remember much  of it but I know it involved a pickle, jar of mayo, boxing gloves, an empty wine bottle, duct tape, a picture of Bob Saget and a blow dryer. My mouth was sore and I had bruises on my thighs.

Cookie Monster: I used raw cookie dough to masturbate with while watching Cake Boss.

PTM: You two are freaks. Next question, Cookie you're up first now.Have you ever had a sex dream about someone on the show? And what was it about?

Cookie Monster: Aloysius Snuffleupagus was dressed up like little Bo Peep. 

Big Bird: I dreamt that I had sex with my clone. It was amazing.

PTM: Getting weirder guys. How do you really feel about each other?

Big Bird: I don't know how Cookie Monster hasn't gotten Diabetes yet. All he does is eat cookies and sugary snack foods. I'm worried he is going to die young. Pick up a carrot once in awhile you douche.

Cookie Monster: At least I don't sit in my dressing room praying to God for the ability to lay eggs. You are an 8 foot tall male freak bird, get used to it. 

PTM: It's getting pretty heated in here. Last question before you two duel. Tell us something no one knows about you.

Cookie Monster: I took a shit in Oscar's garbage can while he was sleeping. He never knew who it was until now. Take that asshole!!

Big Bird: Before I landed this job I used to work at KFC. It was the only job that my parole officer could get me at the time. I went to jail for dealing crack.

PTM: I think it is safe to say that we have learned way to much about these two today. Now go to the locker room and get ready to duke it out.

Who do you like better? Big Bird of Cookie Monster? Cast your vote or Kermit the Frog will come by your house and beat you with a sack full of door knobs. Polls close Friday at 11:59 PM.

18 comments:

Mynx said...

C is for Cookie, thats good enough for me. Big bird is a sook and Cookie Monster is the star of a rather naughty story on one of my blogs.

http://mynxxx.blogspot.com/2010/12/cookies-and-cream-by-drake-sigar-aka.html

Joshua said...

Given that Cookie Monster's lapsed from rehab (thanks to Family Guy for that expose), I'm going to go with him. As long as he does a couple sugar shots before the battle, he has a few minutes of extra boost.

The Angry Lurker said...

Cookie Monster all the way.

Lost.in.Idaho said...

Cookie monster had the ability to let the world around him fade. He can disconnect from the world, and turn into a ball of cookie-coveting rage.

No other muppet stands a chance, except maybe Animal. But if Animal has a cookie and isn't sharing, watch out...

Stace said...

C is for cookie and that's good enough for me. Cookie Monster hands down bitch!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Cookies over eggs! Or a lack of eggs. Whatever - Cookie Monster.

Oilfield Trash said...

Cookie monster for sure!!!!

D-shot316 said...

It this was back in the day when Cookie monster really ate cookies I would say he wins hands down. Now that he's all PC and does not want to contribute to childhood obesity Big Bird would kick his candy ass.

Reputation@Stake said...

It always bugged me that Cookie Monster never swallowed (Even as a kid, I noticed.), but Big Bird was kinda needy and his voice was annoying.

But after days of deliberation, and hours of consultation with my lawyers and therapists, plus tons of background research on both of them, I have come to a decision: Cookie monster can't close his eyes. (no eyelids)

That didn't really help, though, so I asked myself: Who is more imaginative? A monster that goes ballistic over cookies, or a bird ... that's kind of big?
I'll take CM.

Ms. A said...

I know, I know, it not one of the choices, but I'm still going with Oscar. I'm old, humor me!

Pat Tillett said...

I guess it's a matter of what came first, the chicken or the cookie.
Cookie Monster for me...

Jo-Anne Rambling said...

I have always though Big Bird was a weirdo and these question just prove I have always been right.......

baygirl32 said...

ugh... I hate big bird, so know it all!

Toyin O. said...

I love big bird:)

Cheeseboy said...

I love your battles. Love your dialog.

Going with Cookie Monster on this one on account of I know he is male for sure.

Marlene said...

I love the cookie monster! Big Bird is just annoying!

RaShelle said...

Going to vote: Cookie Monster cuz, I love him. Nom. Nom. Nom. COOKIES!!!

Baby Sister said...

Definitely cookie monster!!