Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Truth Behind Nursery Rhymes

I know I have touched on a few of these in the past in my random thoughts posts. Let us take a closer look at nursery rhymes, children stories and songs.

Rock-a-Bye-Baby – This song is usually sung to a child to help them fall asleep. Why would a song about a baby falling out of a tree make a child sleepy? That would scare the crap out of some kid. Who is putting babies in trees is what I want to know. And somehow we accept this as a song to sing to our children. I don’t know which is more screwed up; the person who created the song or the people singing it to their kids.

Rub-a-dub-dub – I support homosexuality and stuff but what is this song about? Why would 3 grown men be bathing together? That is sending a strange message to kids.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears – Teaching kids that it is alright to break into someone’s house, eat their food and sleep in their bed.

Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe – This old woman was obviously on welfare; single mom, lots of kids and no husband or father figure around.

Little Red Riding Hood – What mother would send their young daughter into the woods all by themselves? And why is grandma living all alone deep in the forest? The grandmother is sick, why wouldn’t they go pick her up and bring her back to their house?

Hansel & Gretel – Another tale about kids wandering through the woods. Where are the parents in these stories?

Jack & Jill – Seems like a harmless tale when you read it but at the end Jack splits his head open. I’m sure that’s what we should be telling our kids.

Humpty Dumpty – The truth is that Humpty committed suicide. It was not an accident. How could all the king’s horses put Humpty back together anyhow? Horses are not the best option for putting an egg back together, they have no hands. And how messed up is his name? It’s part Hump and part Dump.

Ring Around the Rosey – This song is actually about the black plague. WTF?!?

3 Little Pigs – Why couldn’t the wolf catch the two pigs that got their houses blown down? I’m assuming that wolves are faster than pigs.

13 comments:

Tricia said...

Rub-a-dub-dub!

I love it - thanks for the morning laugh. :)

Lost.in.Idaho said...

I actually called CPS on the old woman in the shoe.... unlivable conditions and such...

Oilfield Trash said...

Hilarious!!!!

Three men in a tub. Reminds me of why three grown men were living in a house in San Francisco and said nothing about it (ie the tv show Full House).

Joshua said...

He was out of breath from back to back blow jobs.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

When you look at it that way, it's a wonder we're not all screwed up.

Pat Tillett said...

How in the heck did Humpty Dumpty get so damn big anyway? Fast food, I'm thinking...
Great and funny post!
Rub a dub dub

Chuck said...

And the cannabalism part of Hansel and Gretel is also a great inspiration for the Jeffrey D. in every little kid.

The Tame Lion said...

Wonderful! Keep it coming! :)

Ms. A said...

Darn, I was going to mention the real meaning behind Ring Around The Rosie and you beat me to it!

braumaman said...

Yea, most are just flat out creepy.

Makes you wish they'd do more short stories on the darker sides of these.

TIMMYTHEROBOT said...

these are all pretty creepy and/or silly

Tony Van Helsing said...

Excellent. In truth nursery rhymes are pretty much the same as fairy tales in that they involve death. Kids love scary stuff.

Baby Sister said...

Oh this cracked me up. First one was my favorite.