Friday, April 30, 2010

Missed Connections

Have you ever wondered if the 'Missed Connections' on Craigslist ever get a response? Here are some real missed connections with responses that may or may not be real.

Neon at the hot dog stand. - m4w
I see you from time to time at the hot dog stand on __ near the 4 corners in _______. I hadn't seen you there in a few days and then saw you there again on Monday or Tuesday. I wish I had the nerve to stop and talk to you, but you seem to know the owner of the stand very well judging by how often you are there, and do not want to create an awkward moment if he is your significant other.. You drive a Neon and you have blond in your hair (I can't quite make out the other hair color). I just wanted to say I think you are very beautiful, and would love to get to know you. If you are the girl I am speaking of (which I hope you are), please do write me back and tell me what color your Neon is so I know it's you.

To creepy guy that probably has a hot dog fetish,
I have seen you staring at me from across the street. You're the guy wearing the Star Wars shirt holstering a red light saber. I wouldn't mind you looking at me every time I get a hot dog but the binoculars are a bit creepy. The owner of the stand is not my significant other, he is just my baby daddy and my half brother. I get free hot dogs, that is why I'm there so often. I am going to have to tell him to relocate his stand now. If I see you staring at me again I'm going to have to call my boyfriend/cousin to kick your ass.

I have watched you for a while - m4w
You are beautiful and brilliant. We spoke a few times but you are always in a hurry. I think you are older than i am but you don't look it. U drive a white beemer with special plates. Write back and tell me what your plate says.

To cute young guy,
My plate says ILVPSSY (I love pussy). Sorry if I led you on. What does your mom look like?


you: really short, blue shirt, awesome tits - m4w
you are a little tiny short girl. you had on a blue shirt that showed off your amazingly hot cleavage. we talked for a few minutes today and i was staring at your rack the whole time. would love to get a better look sometime, maybe we can take the blue shirt off so i can see them better. i have something you can see too ;-)
where were we? what did we talk about?

To fat guy with bad acne,
I don't remember us actually talking. You were talking to me while spitting your corn dog all over me. The only stayed there to wait in line. I know I have awesome tits, my husband tells me that all the time. I didn't have to look at your eyes to know you were staring at them, the roll of dimes in your pocket gave it away. I'm sure you would love to get a better look but that is never going to happen. I'd rather try to swim in a pool full of extra chunky peanut butter and possibly drown. And what do you have to show me besides your beer gut and 3 spare tires? Do you want to introduce me to your inflatable doll? Go in the woods and play hide and go fuck yourself.

Old Man, it's Amber - w4m
I saw you today.
I was driving on Route 9 and you had just gotten to work--same parking space, as always. You were standing next to the car, jeans and dress shoes, ready to start your day.
I miss you. I don't miss you--I miss having someone. I miss you.
All I do is think about you. I wish my brain would quiet down. Our time has come and gone.
onion rings and bacon and cream cheese

To desperate Amber,
How do you know what I had for lunch? Are you stalking me? You look 17, I'm 58. I am not a child molester. I am not going to fall for your trap so you can pretend to get raped and press charges. That may have worked for you sister but you are not going to trick me. And stop stealing my bacon!!

Tell me what you think. Maybe I will do this more often.

15 comments:

Cheeseboy said...

This is so funny! Funniest thing I have read all week. Stop stealing my bacon - ha ha!

Jerry said...

Those are hilarious! That personalized license plate one had me rolling.

The Girl Next Door Grows Up said...

I forgot how much fun these were to read in the paper and online.

margg. said...

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Copyboy said...

Oh man, now I know what I'm going to be reading at the beach this summer.

Ally said...

I've been obsessed with Missed Connections for years! I actually have placed many an ad in there. In fact, one turned into a huge mess. Long story... Tried to hook a friend up with a hot guy I saw in A&P. His boss saw the ad and knew it was him because not many punk guys live around here and drive a black PT Cruiser with band stickers apparently. We all met up for drinks and well, turned out he was a total d-bag and treated my friend like trash :(

Amber said...

I don't remember writing that last one...or being from Poughkeepsie.

But seriously, I love Missed Connections. I know people who actively try to have missed connections by staring at people on public transportation, smiling at strangers, etc. Kind of weird.

Debbie said...

Oh my word. These are a riot! They really made me laugh.

Pat Tillett said...

Thanks! hilarious!
I've never looked at Missed Connections before, but I'm gonna start!

Kitty Moore said...

I was a Missed Connections virgin too but you just popped my cherry. Do it again!

Darrin.. said...

HA! Nice!!! I've seen people analyze personal ads and make fun of them, but this stuff is great!

Culture Served Raw said...

Hilarious responses, very creative post

Sara said...

OMG. This is the most hilarious thing I have seen ever. I can't believe people actually post things like this on CL!
You need to make this a weekly entry lol

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

Fantastic post sir! Very creative! I knew it was Amber stealing my bacon the whole time....

The Invisible Seductress said...

Please do this again soon....too funny!!!!