Friday, April 16, 2010

How to escape a ticket.....maybe

If you are ever pulled over by a cop, I heard if you can make him/her laugh then you are less likely to get a ticket. Here are a few random situations. Some might work and some might get you arrested.


Cop pulls you over for speeding:


Cop: "Why were you speeding?"
You: "Sir, I had some bad tacos for lunch and I am trying to get to the nearest toilet. Right now, I am just trying not to shit my pants."

Cop: "Why are you in such a hurry?"
You: "I heard the McRib is back."
Cop: "Shit, move over, I'll drive."

Cop: "Do you know how fast you were going?"
You: "No, I can't read the signs. Hooked on Phonics did not work for me."

Cop: "The speed limit here is 45, you were going 85, got any good excuses?"
You: "I just watched Back to the Future and I was trying to get up to 88 MPH because I wanted to go back to the day of my wedding and tell myself not to go through with it."

Cop: "Can you tell me why you were speeding."
You: "Dammit, now I will never catch the Road Runner."

Cop pulls you over for suspicion of driving under the influence:

Cop: "Do I smell marijuana?"
You: "Why, did you want a hit?"

Cop: "Sir, have you been drinking?"
You: "Occifer, I think your twin brother is mocking you, he mouthed what you just said."

Cop pulls you over for whatever else:

Cop: "License and registration, please."
You: "What? My license? You guys took that away from me last month. Now you want me to show you it, make up your minds!"

Cop: "License and registration, please."
You: "I don't know where they are. Let me ask the guy in the trunk, it's his car."

Cop: "Do you know why I pulled you over?"
You: "Do you like fish sticks?" (this one only works if the cop watches South Park)

Cop: "I pulled you over because you have a broken tail light."
You: "No shit, what else can you tell me Captain Obvious?."

8 comments:

Pat Tillett said...

Now that's how I like to start my day! With a laugh. Thanks for that...

Bossy Betty said...

Oh I am gonna try that last one especially. It's sure to work.

Cheeseboy said...

This is funny stuff. However, I will not be forwarding it to my cop friends.

Kristy said...

I'm going to speed on my way home today just so I can try these out! lol

TS Hendrik said...

McRib got me. I started laughing out loud at that point, and it carried on through to the end. Great stuff.

Jerry said...

Those are awesome!! I was also cracking up at the McRib.

Copyboy said...

For some reason the fish sticks one makes me crack up.

ASBLACKASOBAMA said...

My brother in law is a cop.... We went to Vegas about 5 years ago, and he was quick to point out the police officer theme slot machines.... You win the most money is you get five slabs of bacon, five pigs or five doughnuts in a row.... It's very funny!

Great post!