Friday, April 2, 2010

And you thought your life was rough...

I wish I could take credit for this post but I found it in Maxim. I thought it was pretty funny so I had to share.

A day in the life of Mr. Met. The saddest guy in baseball.

7:05 A.M. Wake up and roll out of bed... and down the steps. Why did I buy a split-level house?

8:00 A.M. Masturbate to Rawlings glove catalog.

8:15 A.M. Play a little MLB 2K9 on the Wii. Pick my favorite team, the Yankees.

9:00 A.M
. Watch the movie Old Yeller to cheer self up after thinking about Mets 2009 season.

11:00 A.M. Put finishing touches on new Mets catch phrase for 2010: "Slightly More Exciting Than the WNBA!"

12:30 P.M. Play rock, paper, scissors with GM Omar Minaya to determine 2010 starting lineup.

1:00 P.M. Encourage Mets to have a teamwide steroids scandal in order to cover the shame of the upcoming season.

1:30 P.M.
Have lunch with Mrs. Met. Ask her about the Phillie Phanatic hairs found on the bed. And on the washing machine. And,oddly, in the chimney flue.

3:15 P.M. Plead with baseball commissioner Bud Selig to let Mets bat with large canoe oars.

4:00 P.M.
Line player uniforms with bubble wrap to help prevent injuries.

4:30 P.M. Visit sick kids and apologize for 2009 season. Get pelted with bedpans. Full bedpans.

5:00 P.M. Call Mrs. Met and ask her about those Billy the Marlin scales found in the backseat of the car. And on the hood. And all over the tire jack.

5:30 P.M.
Ask Citi Field to host hard liquor night to help fans forget.

8:05 P.M. Slip into Snuggie, pour a glass of white wine, and watch the 1986 World Series highlight tape in the fetal position.

11:30 P.M.
Crawl into bed with Mrs. Met...and, surprisingly, Colorado Rockies mascot Dinger, who said he just lost a contact. Though that doesn't explain why he was naked. Oh, well.


Anonymous said...

So, who is a Met fan?
Come on, don't be shy. Don't be ashamed. hahahahhahah
Oops, sorry.
Don't look at me, I like the Pirates


Are you a Mets fan? I root for the Angels and the Royals....

Ally said...

Oh man, I'm from NY living in NJ now because that's where my husband is from. I hate baseball but if I had to chose, Yankees all the way - I guess because he's a fan of theirs. There's this rivalry between Mets and Yankees fans out here that's so weird. It seems like most of NJ are Yanks fans and most of LI are Mets fans.

PS How's this for keywords and targeting ads -- before clicking to your page I was over at The Non-Review bitching at TS for not talking about the movie Greenberg in his posts and BANG an ad trailer clip is shown on YOUR page. Ha ha!

Anonymous said...

great freakin' post

Copyboy said...

That is funny. True, but funny.


Hey! I like the new background!!!!

Geof said...

Whether Maxim or not, that was some funny s***! I lost it at: Masturbate to Rawlings glove catalog.

Anonymous said...

haters. The Mets are the Sh*t!! - All star lineup - almost all heathly - brand new stadium, 3rd biggest bankroll in baseball, Other teams would die to have most Mets players. You'll see .... At least they always matter EVERY september expect last yr wqhen the whole team got injured. Mr. Met is an ICON. Like anyone even knows Billy the big mouth bass marlin or whatever !! hahah LETS GO METS!!!!!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

That Mr Met reminds me of a short lived sitcom about baseball that had this crazed Mr Met like mascot that was uncontrollable. They fired him one episode and replaced him with this dancing guy in some revolutionar war getup who would dance like a fairy on top of the home teams dugout while playing a flute. At the end the team brough back the snarly Mr Met guy who entered from center field and walked all the way to the dugout with a bad in his hand. When he reached the Revolutionary War ballet guy prancing with his little flute the Mr Met mascot bashed him once on the head with the bat and layed him out cold. That was it and it was the funniest thing I ever saw. Everyone I tell that story too tells me I made it up but I am sure I saw it on TV.