Olive Garden Review

Last week for my birthday we dined at the Olive Garden. I still haven't received any birthday cards from any of you, I must have given out the address to the Powdered Toast Cave instead of the Powdered Toast House. I will clear that up later.

The nearest Olive Garden to me is somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes away depending on how fast the wagon and horses are going. Since it is not in a close proximity I don't go there as often as I would like. I can't even remember the last time I was there before my birthday but I do remember where Nicole and I sat last time (funny how my memory works).

You stay for the delicious food but you come for the warm bread sticks and homemade salad. What's best is that they are free and unlimited. A fellow blogger told me last week (I can't remember who it was) that they recycle their salad. I'm not sure what this exactly means but it's the tastiest recycled salad I have ever had the pleasure of putting in my mouth.

For an appetizer I recommend the Lasagna Fritta: Parmesan-breaded lasagna pieces, fried and served over alfredo sauce, topped with parmesan cheese and marinara sauce and the Smoked Mozzarella Fonduta: Oven-baked smoked mozzarella, provolone, parmesan and romano cheese. Served with Tuscan bread. Both of them are extremely delectable and you won't be disappointed unless you don't get enough of it. Oh, I can almost taste the cheesy goodness. It's like an orgasm in your mouth, it's that good.

Every time I go to Olive Garden I have to get something that says new next to it. I am a sucker for anything new plus they are usually only around for a limited time so I am basically obligated to try it. For dinner I went surf and got the Shrimp and Crab Tortelli Romana: Shrimp, crab and smoked mozzarella-filled ravioli, topped with sautéed shrimp in a three cheese and sun-dried tomato sauce. If you are wondering if it was as scrumptious as it sounds, it was and then some. I purposely ate only half so I could have enough for leftovers the next day. Anyone hungry yet?

I am going to take your mind off food for a minute with some Chef Thoughts:

Did I remember to wash my hands after going to the bathroom? Ah, I don't care, I'm not eating this salad.

Four years at a prestigious culinary school and I'm fucking working at an Olive Garden.

That new waitress is so hot, dibbs!!

If anybody sends back food today they are getting a surprise from my nose in their order.

I hope that's poison ivy I'm scratching on my inner thigh.

Dunna nunna nunna nunna nunna nunnna nunnna nunna BATMAN!!

That fourth breakfast burrito was a bad idea.

How come they never showed Dr. Claw's face in Inspector Gadget? Or did I miss it?

I would make a hot woman.

For dessert I sampled 3 mini cake sundaes. There was a dark chocolate one with caramel, a strawberry and white chocolate and an amaretto tiramisu with almond cookie crumble. I basically had to eat all 3 by myself because everyone else was full and nobody else wanted any. I didn't care, more for me.

On top of that my mom got me an assorted cheesecake cake. There was probably 15-20 slices of all different kinds: Strawberry, blueberry. caramel, apple, cherry chocolate, and much more. Only Nicole and I like cheesecake so we got it all to ourselves. It works out when the rest of your family is picky.

Where is your nearest Olive Garden? Have you ever been? What are you waiting for, an invitation? By the way, I checked and they don't seem to have an actual olive garden on the premises. It must be at their corporate office.