Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Battle of Sesame Street: Final Round

Ernie was Cookie Monster's bitch in that last round. He smacked Ernie around like he was a red-headed stepchild. I thought it would be a closer match but Ernie didn't bring anything to the ring. Now that the semi0finals are out of the way, it is time for the big kahuna. The final round of the Sesame Street battle in on. I'm predicting this one is going to be a slobber knocker. So sit back, relax and grab a brew.

The Count
Cookie Monster

Favorite Movie: You probably think it's Dracula but it's actually Bambi
Favorite Actor/Actress: Gary Busey
Favorite Food: Pussy
Biggest Fear: Impotence
Favorite Quote: I did not have sexual relations with that woman
Celebrity Crush: Michelle Obama
Mcdonald's, Wendy's or Burger King: Taco Bell

Some  Tough Questions:
What did you want to be when you were a kid? Phlebotomist
One thing you would change about yourself? Smaller testicles
Would you have sex with Hilary Clinton for $100,000? I'd rather sleep with Bill
How do you feel about turkey bacon? Why isn't there chicken bacon?
What would be your death bed confession? My fangs aren't real

Favorite Movie: Cool Runnings
Favorite Actor/Actress: Cher
Favorite Food: Chocolate Pizza
Biggest Fear: Being allergic to cookie dough
Favorite Quote: It puts the lotion on its skin or it gets the hose again
Celebrity Crush: Willy Wonka
Mcdonald's, Wendy's or Burger King: I'm unsure of the question so I will say the Burger King beats up Wendy and Ronald Mcdonald

Some  Tough Questions:
What did you want to be when you were a kid? Lion Tamer
One thing you would change about yourself? Less fur in my ass
Would you have sex with Hilary Clinton for $100,000? I'd do it for $500
How do you feel about turkey bacon? Goes great with pudding
What would be your death bed confession? I did some gay porn when I was addicted to coke

Now comes the tough decision on who to vote for. I would tell you who I would vote for but it is against the by-laws and would result in castration. Polls will close on Friday at 11:59 PM, get in your vote by then. Next week I will announce the winner.


Anonymous said...

It'll be a close battle, but I think Cookie Monster has the edge. The Count may be able to shift into a bat (maybe?) but Cookie Monster's just batshit crazy.

Oilfield Trash said...

Cookie Monster gets my vote.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I say Count because he's smart enough to not have sex with Hilary!

Anonymous said...

Again I am going with Cookie. Not that Drac wasn't completely depraved and perverted but Cookie drew me in with his tragic gay porn and addiction past along with his love for Jamaican bobsled teams. What's not to love there?

Unknown said...

The Count gets distracted by cookies everywhere, and starts counting.

Problem is, while he's counting, the Cookie Monster is devouring...

The rapid change of numbers throws the Count off. He can't handle the overload, and his brain explodes into a mess.

One! One champion, in the Cookie Monster! ah, ah, ah....

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, man... what a tough choice! I went back and forth and back and forth... are you sure I can't have both? I think though, based on the interview, I have to go with the count.

Stace said...

Cookie Cookie Cookie!!! Cookie Monster Rules!!

Unknown said...

Anyone whose favorite quote is from Silence of the Lamb's get my vote. That's all there is to it!!!

Tony Van Helsing said...

I disagree with Barb, a fan of Gary Busey will easily kick the arse of a Cher fan.

Marlene said...

I'm going with the Cookie Monster...only because the Count has a crush on Michelle Obama. Bleccch.

Baby Sister said...

Definitely Cookie...I can't stand Bill Clinton or Michelle.

Birgit said...

The Count has my count..er..um...yes he does because he has crazy ass nut Gary Busey as his fav actor and anyone who has that nutbar from from Bwana Junction(Bwana??)should whip Cookie Monster's ass. he can find that furry ass too cos it is so huge from eating all the cookies. hmmmmm...cookies

LoneIslander said...

Cookie Monster all the way!

Dwrek said...

The count is a big softy

Golden Girl said...


Golden Girl said...


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