Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Celebrity New Year's Resolutions


I asked a bunch of celebrities what they wanted to finally do in 2013. Here are their answers.

Lindsay Lohan - "I want to finally get my driver's license."

Tom Cruise - "I want to ask out that cute waiter at Applebees."

Arnold Schwarzenegger - "I want to pick things up and put them down."

Charlie Sheen - "I need to be more of an asshole."

Wilfred Brimley - "To tell the truth and reveal that I don't have the Diabeetus."

Rachel Ray - "Stop stealing recipes from Guy Fieri."

Trix Rabbit - "Stop chasing kids around and just buy a box of Trix at the grocery store."

Bob Barker - "Hire that hitman to kill Drew Carey."

Lorenzo - "Travel back in time and get Snooki an abortion."

Eddie Murphy - "Learn how to be funny again."

Bill Clinton - "Talk to Bob Barker about putting a hit on Hilary."

Justin Bieber - "To wear that dress in public and finally come out of the closet."

Matthew McConaughey - "Make a movie people want to watch."

Oprah Winfrey - "Lay around in my bathrobe everyday, I'm Oprah rich, bitch."

13 comments:

Adam said...

Yeah murphy hasn't done anything good in at least 10 years or more.

Cheryl said...

All of those are great but I especially love the "I'm Oprah rich bitch." I just heard she is starting a home decorator line. Really how much money does she need?


You probably need to add to Arnolds.
He wants to put things in and pull things out as well. (aren't I evil?)

Elsie The Writer said...

That would be the best scandal ever if Wilfred Brimley didn't have diabetes. Okay, not the best scandal ever, but it'd be pretty funny.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I hope Murphy gets his wish...

Mark said...

I think Bob Barker would want to do the job himself. He wouldn't want anyone to take his grand prize.

Workingdan said...

The Trix rabbit creeps me out. Him and that damn leprechaun from Lucky Charms!

Birgit said...

Wilfred did those commercials about cereal that keeps him young-he looks 82 when he was only 52! I think Bob Barker secretly wears a leather thong with a whip and Justin Bieberhead carries a pic of Bob Barker in that get up:)

Chuck said...

Maybe Murray should remake 48 Hours?? Charlie hit the nail on the head, but that should be an easy resolution to achieve. And Brimley should just resolve to live one more year...I say he goes down in 2013, but not from diabeetus.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I'm pretty sure Tom has succeeded in his resolution many times but nobody knows about it. And, ya nevah know just how Hilary got that recent bump on her head.

Rawknrobyn.blogspot.com said...

That Arnold, always picking things up and putting them down. Let's hope he stops breeding too.

Happy New Year, PTM.
xoRobyn

Al Penwasser said...

Bill Clinton may also want to switch dry cleaners.

Pat Tillett said...

Hmmm, Eddie Murphy...
I think I've heard of him. Oh yeah, didn't he used to be semi-funny?

Baby Sister said...

I think Bob's and Lorenzo's are my favorite. And there have been a few Matthew McConaghey movies that I have liked. Maybe 2? 3?