Monday, January 7, 2013

Product Labels, what you should know

Do you ever read the warning labels on products? Here are some you probably missed.

Microwave - Radiation may cause infertility, cancer or superhuman abilities.

Plastic Fruit - Don't attempt to eat, you fucking dumb-ass, it's plastic!!

Planter's Peanuts - Allergy Warning: May contain traces of peanuts.

Antifreeze - Do not attempt to defrost your meat with this product.

Toaster - Do not use product while taking a bath.

Crest Toothpaste - May cause gingivitis.

Cinnabon - Will most likely cause Diabetes.

Trojan Condoms - Wear two if you think she has the clap.

Chapstick - Highly addictive, may lead to intravenous drug use.

Axe Body Spray - Contains a 3% chance of getting you laid.

Craftsman Power Drill - Not recommended to use for home dentistry.

John Deere Tractor - Frequent use may lead to hillbillyism.

Always Tampons with wings - Not designed for real flight.


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You should do warning labels for a living.
I think the peanut one is the real warning on the label. said...

Very good, PTM. I'm still laughing. I like the plastic fruit and Always ones best.


Cheryl said...

Love the Axe Body Spray one!!! The one that I think might be wrong is the John Deere Tractor one...Now that a good tractor costs more than $100,000 a hillbilly can't afford one.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

I'm holding you to that Axe body spray warning. My teenager uses that crap and if he makes me a grandmother there will be serious hell to pay.

Adam said...

I think axe has a 0.003% chance.

Mark said...

You can laugh but I have seen nut allergy warnings on peanuts.

Ms. A said...

Tampons with wings? Seriously? That sounds uncomfortable.

Al Penwasser said...

Oh, that's frikkin' great!!! Now what am I going to do with all that Axe???
Wait a minute, I've been married for 27 years.
Maybe it's not the Axe...?

Pat Tillett said...

Those are good! Some of them actual. The wax fruit one is proof that earthlings really are stupid!

AccordingtoJewels said...

Some of those are legit which make me shake my head and want to give up on humanity. I especially can't stand the coffee cup with "product may be hot". UGH! DUMBASSES!

Also...tampon with wings made me clench my legs shut!

Anonymous said...


Tony Van Helsing said...

Hillbillyism is my word for the day, nice one.

klahanie said...

Ah yes, and the warning labels for antidepressants. 'May cause breathlessness, anxiety, nausea, fatigue, stomach cramps, trouble urinating and the inability to sleep.' Yeah, I'll have some of that!

Chuck said...

Cinnabon WILL cause diabeetus!! Nice labels though...I think everything contains traces of peanuts...even me.

Baby Sister said...

So that is what has been wrong with my meat...good to know. Too bad no one told me sooner!!