Wednesday, January 9, 2013

My 2013 Resolutions


Since it is still the beginning of the new year I thought I would share my resolutions. Some I have every year and some new ones pop up every so often.

1) No sex with Rosie O'donnell - Unbroken for 9 years in a row.

2) Eat more bacon - Gets easier to do every year.

3) Quit masturbating for a whole year - Gets broken every year, made it 3 days this year.

4) Avoid eye contact with squirrels - About 4 years ago I got into an altercation with one over a nut.

5) Lose weight - I do that every time I go #2.

6) Learn how to play the didgeridoo - I put this on my list last year, I still don't know what it looks like.

7) Buy the Trix Rabbit a box of Trix cereal - I think he deserves it.

8) Find buried treasure - Should I speak with a pirate or leprechaun about this one?

9) Invent time travel - This one has been on the list since 1997. Deloreans are really expensive.

10) Shave Justin Bieber's head while he's sleeping - We can do this one as a team.

11) Get Drew Carey fired and Bob Barker back on The Price is Right - It's the right thing to do.

12) Play Sim City all the way through without using cheats - I'm not sure it can be done.

13) Yell "penis" really loud at the movie theater - I have chickened out for the past 3 years.




15 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

When you're ready to tackle number ten, let me know.

Cheryl said...

Good list but....
If you are going to get Bob Barker back on PIR...hurry up because at 89 his days are numbered.

Also, yelling penis out loud is a good enough idea but maybe pick some place other than a theater. People are a little on edge in theaters these days.

Adam said...

You got to do #13 in a group of friends at a busy showing. You can get away with it.

Mark said...

I'm sure you can totally yell out "penis" during a movie. I think people do that kind of thing a lot. Go to a comedy and do it when people are laughing loudly.

Joshua said...

I'm in for #10. As for #13, yell a whole string of words and then apologize for having Tourette's. fuck fuck fuck.

Just Keepin It Real, Folks! said...

If you decide to break #3, you can totally masterbate with a didgeridoo.

Birgit said...

If you teach the squirrel how to play the didgeridoo...now that would be a novel concept then let the squirrel loose in Justin Bieber's hair

Ms. A said...

#10... I'm in!

Chuck said...

Hey I posted about the didgeridoo last year...where were you??

the best part of my day... said...

I miss Bob Barker too...

A Beer For The Shower said...

While we're evicting Drew Carey, we should also fatten him up again. Now that he's "thin," he looks like one of those big fat inflatable punching bags that just got deflated.

ben268 said...

# days for number 3 is quite an achievement :D.

Grumpy me said...

It's easy to yell penis... all you need to do is wear a disguise - that mean sunglasses, fake beard, a wig, you know, the complete package. I do it every week.

My own resolution #7: Don't lie.

Baby Sister said...

I will definitely help shave Justin's head.

Pat Tillett said...

Those are certainly some noble New Year resolutions. Somehow I think the first 4 are all closely connected, if not the same thing...