Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Since it is still the beginning of the new year I thought I would share my resolutions. Some I have every year and some new ones pop up every so often.
1) No sex with Rosie O'donnell - Unbroken for 9 years in a row.
2) Eat more bacon - Gets easier to do every year.
3) Quit masturbating for a whole year - Gets broken every year, made it 3 days this year.
4) Avoid eye contact with squirrels - About 4 years ago I got into an altercation with one over a nut.
5) Lose weight - I do that every time I go #2.
6) Learn how to play the didgeridoo - I put this on my list last year, I still don't know what it looks like.
7) Buy the Trix Rabbit a box of Trix cereal - I think he deserves it.
8) Find buried treasure - Should I speak with a pirate or leprechaun about this one?
9) Invent time travel - This one has been on the list since 1997. Deloreans are really expensive.
10) Shave Justin Bieber's head while he's sleeping - We can do this one as a team.
11) Get Drew Carey fired and Bob Barker back on The Price is Right - It's the right thing to do.
12) Play Sim City all the way through without using cheats - I'm not sure it can be done.
13) Yell "penis" really loud at the movie theater - I have chickened out for the past 3 years.
Posted by Powdered Toast Man at 7:30 AM