Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Truths Revealed: Winnie the Pooh

The truth behind Winnie the Pooh and the 100 Acre Wood.

Winnie the Pooh – He was made fun of a lot in high school because he has Pooh in his
name so he developed an eating disorder. He also is an only child and never learned to
share. He is in constant need of attention and flaunts his honey but never shares it.

The Rabbit – Was raised by physically and verbally abusive parents. He was kicked out
of high school for cursing out the principal. He has also been banned from several Anger
Management Groups. He always needs to be in control and has terrible OCD (Obsessive
Compulsive Disorder).

Piglet – His father always told him to be the best and wouldn’t accept anything less than
perfect. Piglet had a nervous breakdown at age 20 and was hospitalized for 3 months. He
currently takes pills for his anxiety but they don’t seem to help. He is a neat freak because
of his father.

Tigger – Has had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder) since birth. He had to
be held down by his siblings just to feed off his mother’s teats. One time, in the middle of
taking a poop he chased after a butterfly.

Eeyore – Is clinically depressed. His parents disowned him when he came out of the
closet. They blame his homosexuality on the fact that he has to get his tail nailed to his
ass every once in awhile. He currently takes anti-depressants but they don’t seem to help.

Owl – Has developed paranoia after serving in the military. He assumes everyone is out
to get him so he spies on his “friends”. He has a record of being a peeping tom.

Kanga – Developed severed Postpartum Depression after giving birth to Roo. This
explains her being an overbearing and overprotective mother. She has a drinking problem
that she hides very well. She demands to give Roo a bath every night and dress him in the

Roo – To cope with his overbearing mother he scores Xanax and Speed from guys on the
edge of the woods. It makes him very constipated.

Christopher Robin – Schizophrenic that imagines talking animals in the woods behind
the institution that he is committed at.


Anonymous said...

What a great way to start my Wednesday! haha. That is greatness. I laughed out loud at Eeyore having to get his "tail nailed to his ass every once and awhile"! Great job.

Anonymous said...

Christopher Robin was the original Calvin, then?

Oilfield Trash said...

That is probably more close to the truth than you know. lol

Bossy Betty said...

I've always suspected these things. Now I know for sure.

Unknown said...

This was fantastic. I have to share it with a huge Pooh fan that I know.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You nailed it!

Cheeseboy said...

Your posts are getting so creative and awesome. Eeyore cracked me up. said...

It all kinda makes perfect sense. Poor Eeyore.

Dawn@Lighten Up! said...

Hysterical post. I got nothin' witty to add. Just effin' funny stuff. Poor Eeyore.

LoneIslander said...

It all makes sense now......