Friday, August 30, 2019
The Muppets Dark Secrets Revealed
Ever wonder if The Muppets had any deep, dark secrets? Well they do and I got each of them to spill the beans. I had to bribe each of them except for Fozzie Bear, he just told me without me asking him anything.
Kermit the Frog: Once ate frog legs thinking they were chicken and went back for seconds.
Miss Piggy: Has had three abortions.
Fozzie Bear: Buys his stand-up jokes online.
Gonzo: Has maxed out all his credit cards playing online poker.
Rowlf the Dog: Has had love affairs with five different cats.
Rizzo the Rat: Ate two of his siblings when he was only a few months old.
Scooter: Had sex with a male prostitute.
Statler & Waldorg: Watch the movie Clueless every night before bed.
The Swedish Chef: Is not Swedish at all. Mostly German, Scottish and Portuguese.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Has cloned Beaker.
Beaker: Is the clone and murdered the original Beaker.
Janice: Has been sprinkling speed onto Animal's cereal for 20 years.
Animal: Has written and published ten children's book anonymously.
Sam the Eagle: Was involved in a hit & run. Doesn't know if the man is alive.
Pepe the King Prawn: Is addicted to stealing spoons from restaurants.
Bobo the Bear: Voted for Trump.
Camila the Chicken: Has always felt she was born a turkey in a chicken's body.
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13 comments:
I can see miss piggy having abortions.
so THAT'S why animal is so damn hyper!
Nicely done, my man. I think I would like to live in a world where Animal has written 10 children's books. And I can totally see Fozzie doing that.
Bobo not as dumb as we thought.
Knew Beaker was a clone.
Great way to kick off our weekend of binge-watching The Dark Crystal series!
just three?
Oh no, poor Rizzo.
You forgot to say that Cookie Monster likes veggies.
None of these were quite surprising to me until The Swedish Chef. I refuse to believe this one. Obviously he's Swedish. I mean, did you hear his accent? Sounds just like my Swedish ex-boyfriend's accent. I swear!
amazing...."Rowlf the Dog: Has had love affairs with five different cats."
You are so funny. Some of these muppets are definitely after my kids' time.
Boo Bobo.
Yes, I can see that. Although Statler & Waldorg enjoy heckling Clueless...
I knew Miss. Piggy was a slut. Animal was actually a member of Mensa until Janice started dusting his food. I love the Prawn and I believe he rules everyone. Kermit...Kermit, I heard are his own family.
Perhaps you should write a book about these travesties!
somehow this does seem wrong, but very funny. And I'm very disappointed in the Swedish Chef - his accent is just so spot on.
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