Thursday, July 12, 2012

Reviews You Can't Use: Apollo 18


 I would now like to present to you a long awaited (I think) review you can't use. I, unfortunately, decided to watch Apollo 18 the other day. If you haven't seen it, heard about it or think I'm confusing it with the Tom Hanks' Apollo 13, here is the IMDb synopsis: "Decades-old found footage from NASA's abandoned Apollo 18 mission, where two American astronauts were sent on a secret expedition, reveals the reason the U.S. has never returned to the moon."


It looked like it could be a decent movie when it came out. It had that Paranormal Activity look to it and it seemed different. I knew what I was going in to before I sat down to watch it. I read the rating on IMDb and some of the reviews but still decided to give it a chance. It is filmed like a documentary like how Paranormal Activity was with different camera angles and the feeling that you are there with them. I finished the movie last week and I am still waiting for something to develop. 


Ahead is a spoiler alert. If you still want to see the movie don't read ahead even though the movie was terrible and nothing could really spoil it. Also the best part of my post is in the following so I encourage you to read on. 


So I expected there to be some cool aliens on the moon but instead there were little spider looking things that took the shape of moon rocks. I have to admit I don't believe this movie to be true at all. I have had a moon rock in my room for three years and I have never seen it move or do anything but sit there. There is no way....wait, I think it moved. Oh my god you have to see this. It's coming towards me, what do I do? Ahhhh, get off me!! Help! Help! Hel.....


Powdered Toast Man is temporarily incapacitated. Don't worry he is not dead. This is the moon rock taking over now. You probably have a few questions like why or how did PTM continue to type as I was attacking him, or how I know how to use a computer, or how I know the English language? None of that is important at the moment. The important thing is that Apollo 18 was based on true events. Us moon rock aliens were just waiting for the right time to strike. We needed enough of us on Earth. Now that there is enough we can plan our takeover of this planet. 


We have a few things to do before the complete takeover of Earth. 1) Turn all the Kardashians into pet goats, 2) Try Taco Bell for the first time, 3) Drink a coke and eat pop rocks at the same time, 4) Go to Disney World, 5) Watch Two Girls One Cup. Death to the Humans!!!

12 comments:

Al Penwasser said...

Yeah, just try the Cinnamon Challenge and see how tough you are.
Punks.

Mark said...

Actually these moon rock aliens don't sound so bad. As long as they do their list in order. The pop rocks and coke will kill them.

Baby Sister said...

Well, I really hope they achieve number one before some kills them all.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I'm all for the first one! Can they do that to Snookie as well?

Ms. A said...

I haven't heard of this one? Guess I must live under a rock... hopefully not a moon rock.

Kal said...

Moon Rock Aliens is the best name for a band that I have heard in a long time.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Just so you know, I really think you should win my books from The Writing Nut for going above and beyond the call of duty. That and I want my books to haunt you as the last ones you ever read.

M Pax said...

I've always wanted to talk to a moon rock. this is excellent. :)

I saw Apollo 18. Maybe I'll encounter aliens out in the desert tonight ... or cows.

Jo-Anne Meadows said...

Moon rock aliens you say well they don't sound that bad not sure about the movie never heard of it not sure I would watch it but then I don't watch movies very often anyway.....lol

Stef H (Glitterbabe) said...

now this is hilarious! hmmm... maybe moon rock could hold the kardashian's breast(s) in his hand????? if not, i definitely agree on turning them into goats!!! maybe lindsy lohan into a chicken??????

always fun when you stop by and bring me here.

have a great weekend.

hugs :)

Christopher Franko said...

lolol indeed i cannot use this review but i love it anyways haha

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Pat Tillett said...

I missed out on inventing the "pet rock" but maybe I can quickly get the "Pet moon rock" to market first!