Friday, June 25, 2010

Questions that haunt me

If you have sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?

Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? >

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane ?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Why does cargo go by ship and shipment go by car?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?


Shannon said...

You can't prove that I tried to sing those two songs.

The Invisible Seductress said...

How big is your head? Your brain must be huge to be this genius!!!I loved every second of this post!!!

Hope Chella said...

I love these questions. Great blog!

Looking forward to following now :)

TS Hendrik said...

Classic. Some great imponderables.

Cheeseboy said...

The round pizza is in a square box because round boxes are only for square chocolates.

Donda said...

Have you ever seen "Office Space"? That extra penny is going to a high yielding account and I will be reach with everyone's opinions!!!

Chuck said...

I did sing those two songs and yes they are scientifically the there.

Rachel said...

I'm guilty of singing the songs as well. Love the asteroid/hemorrhoid question. I never thought of that but it's true, shouldn't they be opposite.

m. said...


and yes. said...

I think cured ham suffered from swine flu.

Jessica Warrick said...

your too funny... These are all good questions. got another one for you why do you drive on a parkway but park on a driveway?

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DEZMOND said...

positively hilarious :)

Lindsey Buck said...

Ha! That made me laugh. I have the answer to a few of those questions, but no energy or attention span to accomplish the answering. And thusly this comment ends. :)

Kimberly Walker said...

Love your blog... makes me laugh. I wanted to give you an award for being one of my new favs. Stop by my blog to pick it up!
All the best,

Steve G. said...

Ah... This makes me want to listen to some Mitch Hedburg or Steven Wright. I assume you're a fan of both?